Memo from Human Resources...

[no2apprentice]

This has been floating on the internet. For those who haven't seen it yet, enjoy.



FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees

DATE: December 2, 2002

RE: Christmas Party



I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas
Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon
in the private function room at the Grill House. There
will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a
small band playing traditional carols...feel free to
sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up
dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit
at 1:00pm . Exchange of gifts among employees can be
done at that time, however, no gift should be over
$10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's
pockets. This gathering is only for employees! A
special announcement will be made by our CEO at that
time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

 

[no2apprentice]

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 3

RE: Holiday Party



In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our
non-Christian employees. We recognize that Christmas
is an important day for most Americans, however some
of you have complained that the word Christmas is
"offensive", so from now on we're calling it our
"Holiday Party." There will be no Christmas Tree, no
Christmas gift exchange, and no Christmas Carols will
be sung. We will have other types of music for your
enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty

 

[no2apprentice]

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 4

RE: Holiday Party



Regarding the note I received from a member of
Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table
... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a
table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous
anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are
allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is
too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a
little chintzy.

NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Patty

 

[no2apprentice]

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: December 5

RE: Holiday Party



What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that
December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan,
which forbids eating and drinking during daylight
hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does
not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps
the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal
until the end of the party- or else package everything
for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy.
Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members
of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from
the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the
table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to
sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with
Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there
will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To
the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross
dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats
for short people. Low-fat food will be available for
those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in
the food we suggest for those people with high blood
pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as
dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply
"No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

 

[no2apprentice]

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All #%& $ing Employees

DATE: December 6

RE: The #$%*!@% Holiday Party



Vegetarians?!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!!
We're going to keep this party at the Grill House
whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at
the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you
so quaintly put it, and you'll get your #$%^&*! salad
bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know,
tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you
slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten
holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear
me!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!

The from HELL!!!!!!!!

 

[no2apprentice]

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources
Director

DATE: December 9

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party



I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a
speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your
cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided
to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the
afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.



Happy Holidays!

 

[tenchu]

I think I know Patty actually...


:lol:

 

[WDWspider]

Happy Holidays Patty.

:lol:

 

[wdwmagic]

LOL!!! :lol:

 

[Maria]

Wow...that sounds like trying to organize something with my friends!
:lol: :lol:

 

[Testtrack321]

I'm peeing in my pants!!!! :lol:

 

[Woody13]

That was really hilarious! Thank you no2apprentice. :lol:

 

[jmarc63]

I don't know weather to take this seriously or it this a joke??????

** asks" Is this a joke"?

If it is a joke I have to admit that I was about to split my pants laughing to hard. If i wasn't I'm sorry.