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Letters to Santa Claus

Maria

Maria

New Member
Original Poster
From Barbie:


Dear Santa,

Listen, you troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it).

So, here's my holiday wish list, Santa:

1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!

3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that
wimped-out excuse for a boyfriend Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.

4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.

5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, just get it done.

6. A jog bra. To wear until I get the surgery.

7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, an advertising account exec!

8. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own pain gun, outfitted with a fake fur coat andhandcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie", sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.

9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.

10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years -- I think I deserve it.

OK, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bimbo doll for next Christmas. It's that simple.

Yours truly,

Barbie
 
Maria

Maria

New Member
Original Poster
From Ken:


Dear Santa,

I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changes in her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and career changes. In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks were made about me, my ability to please, and my some of my fashion choices. I would like to take this opportunity to inform you of some of issues concerning Ms. Barbie, and some of my own needs and desires.

First of all, I along with several other colleagues feel Barbie DOES NOT deserve preferential treatment -- the has everything. I, along with Joe, Jem, Raggedy Ann & Andy, DO NOT have a dream house, Corvette, evening gowns, and in some cases, the ability to change our hair style. I personally have only 3 outfits which I am forced to mix and match at great length. My decision to accessorize my outfits with an earring was my decision and reflects my lifestyle choice.

I too would like a change in career. Have you ever considered "Decorator Ken", "Beauty Salon Ken", or "Out of work Actor Ken"? In addition there are several other avenues which could be considered such as: "S & M Ken", "Green Lantern Ken", "Circuit Ken", "Bear Ken", "Master Ken" These would more accurately reflect my desires and perhaps open up new markets. And as for Barbie needing bendable arms so she can "push me away", I need bendable knees so I can kick the to the curb. Bendable knees would also be helpful for me in other situations -- we've talked about this issue before.

In closing, I would like to point out that any further concessions to the blonde bimbo from hell will result in action be taken by myself and others. And Barbie can forget about having Joe - he's mine; at least that's what he said last night in bed.

Sincerely,

Ken
 
aim

aim

New Member
These are great! :lol: I started to read it and thought it was your letter to Santa too!! :animwink:
 
E

Erika

Moderator
Originally posted by tenchu
You have molded on underwear? :veryconfu :lookaroun
Click to expand...

Only Ken has molded on underwear. Barbie's is fully removable, to the delight of little brothers everywhere ;) (mine included)
 
Maria

Maria

New Member
Original Poster
Originally posted by Erika
Only Ken has molded on underwear. Barbie's is fully removable, to the delight of little brothers everywhere ;) (mine included)
Click to expand...

That´s what I was thinking.... I remember my barbie had underwear, but Ken didn´t. :animwink:
 
tenchu

tenchu

Well-Known Member
Re: Re: Letters to Santa Claus

Originally posted by garyhoov
:eek: I certainly hope the people who thought this was Maria's letter didn't think so beyond this point.
Click to expand...

Yeah, maybe Maria's not sick of looking like a hooker yet. :lookaroun

:animwink: Sorry, i was only joking. :lookaroun
 
Goofette

Goofette

New Member
Those letters are so cute. And for the barbie underwear...they are molded now! DD has several, all with the same color as her skin and it looks so weird. I couldn't figure out what the heck was wrong with Barbie when I first saw them lol So no more fun for the younger brothers :animwink:
 
E

Erika

Moderator
Originally posted by Goofette
Those letters are so cute. And for the barbie underwear...they are molded now! DD has several, all with the same color as her skin and it looks so weird. I couldn't figure out what the heck was wrong with Barbie when I first saw them lol So no more fun for the younger brothers :animwink:
Click to expand...

Oh no!!! :eek:

If I had a dollar for every time I caught my little brother waving her around in the air, singing "Naked lady! Naked lady!" -or showing her to his little friends- :lol:
 
tenchu

tenchu

Well-Known Member
Originally posted by Erika
Oh no!!! :eek:

If I had a dollar for every time I caught my little brother waving her around in the air, singing "Naked lady! Naked lady!" -or showing her to his little friends- :lol:
Click to expand...

Ha ha. That is the role of little brothers the world over.

(Me included. Although Barbie's make-up salon was a lot of fun.)

:lol:
 

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