My friend Bryan, who comes to the parks with Tifani and I sometimes, gave me this:
(And please, if you get easily offended, dont read this...I took out a few that were a little to raunchy anyways)
We have all grown up knowing and loving the characters produced by Walt Disney and his successors at the Disney Company. From Mickey Mouse to Aladdin, Disney has always given us something to laugh at, someone to cry for, something to hope for, and a star to wish upon. Now, However, it has been revealed by the Disney corporation that the stars of these memorable cartoons may not have been the paragons of hope and happiness we always thought they were. Here, for the first time ever, are the TRUE fates of your favorite Disney Characters, taken from the secret files of Micheal Eisner himself...
Donald Duck
Accidentally served as a main course at Epcot's China Pavillion.
Mickey Mouse
Died of venereal disease after visiting multiple prostitutes.
Goofy
Assassinated during first term as President of the United States.
Pluto
Caught by Dogcatchers, put to sleep after he was never claimed.
Scrooge McDuck
Died in extreme poverty after being audited by the IRS.
Snow White
Fell for the old "Apple Trick" again
Dopey
'Nuff Said
Grumpy
Executed after gunning down 15 people in a local McDonalds
Happy
Killed by an insane gunman at a local McDonalds
Sleepy
Never Woke Up
Mary Poppins
Shot down over Iraqi Airspace
Winnie the Pooh
Had a heart attack caused by a cholesterol level of 570
Eeyore
Commited Suicide
Alice (Of Wonderland)
Institutionalized for life
Tweedledee and Tweedledum
Died of excessive weightloss at a fat farm
Pinnochio
Now a very comfortable ottoman
Jiminy Cricket
Died after impacting a windshield at high speeds
Dumbo
Sucked into the engine of a 747
Figaro
Strung tightly on a Les Paul guitar
Tinkerbell
Caught by some kid who forgot to punch holes in the lid
Baloo
Now decorating the floor in front of a fireplace
Lady & the Tramp
Sold to a Cantonese resturaunt
101 Dalmations
Sold to Wringling Brothers Circus; were eaten by lions
Jessica Rabbit
Back-up singer for Guns and Roses
Aladdin
Caught stealing one to many times, and is now being traded nightly at Leavenworth for a pack of menthols
Abu
Shot into space by NASA
(And please, if you get easily offended, dont read this...I took out a few that were a little to raunchy anyways)
We have all grown up knowing and loving the characters produced by Walt Disney and his successors at the Disney Company. From Mickey Mouse to Aladdin, Disney has always given us something to laugh at, someone to cry for, something to hope for, and a star to wish upon. Now, However, it has been revealed by the Disney corporation that the stars of these memorable cartoons may not have been the paragons of hope and happiness we always thought they were. Here, for the first time ever, are the TRUE fates of your favorite Disney Characters, taken from the secret files of Micheal Eisner himself...
Donald Duck
Accidentally served as a main course at Epcot's China Pavillion.
Mickey Mouse
Died of venereal disease after visiting multiple prostitutes.
Goofy
Assassinated during first term as President of the United States.
Pluto
Caught by Dogcatchers, put to sleep after he was never claimed.
Scrooge McDuck
Died in extreme poverty after being audited by the IRS.
Snow White
Fell for the old "Apple Trick" again
Dopey
'Nuff Said
Grumpy
Executed after gunning down 15 people in a local McDonalds
Happy
Killed by an insane gunman at a local McDonalds
Sleepy
Never Woke Up
Mary Poppins
Shot down over Iraqi Airspace
Winnie the Pooh
Had a heart attack caused by a cholesterol level of 570
Eeyore
Commited Suicide
Alice (Of Wonderland)
Institutionalized for life
Tweedledee and Tweedledum
Died of excessive weightloss at a fat farm
Pinnochio
Now a very comfortable ottoman
Jiminy Cricket
Died after impacting a windshield at high speeds
Dumbo
Sucked into the engine of a 747
Figaro
Strung tightly on a Les Paul guitar
Tinkerbell
Caught by some kid who forgot to punch holes in the lid
Baloo
Now decorating the floor in front of a fireplace
Lady & the Tramp
Sold to a Cantonese resturaunt
101 Dalmations
Sold to Wringling Brothers Circus; were eaten by lions
Jessica Rabbit
Back-up singer for Guns and Roses
Aladdin
Caught stealing one to many times, and is now being traded nightly at Leavenworth for a pack of menthols
Abu
Shot into space by NASA
