If you don't follow @FakeThemePark on Twitter, you should. He posted this opus today.
Wonderful changes are coming, you see!
What used to cost nothing, but now has a fee
First, transportation: You must pay to park
And you now have to upgrade to stay after dark
And early admission? No need to be prompt
It now has an upcharge; it used to be comped
Online reservations for every last ride
You just better hope that your phone hasn't died!
Once called "included" but now it's "deluxe"
So please use the app to pay 70 bucks
Remember how FastPass improved all our queues?
Well now COVID's over, so that's our excuse
To change it completely, despite the backlash
(Your online petitions go right in the trash)
So now it will cost you to shorten your wait
Or stand in the sun as your heart fills with hate
Our lines are "immersive," so bring your whole group
And listen to 25 notes on a loop
Prefer to run marathons all 'round our hub?
Just pay for the privilege of joining the club
You'll have to forgive us, we ask your goodwill
Our CEO only took home 90 mil
And we just can't find workers, despite how we try
They'd rather play video games and get high!
We don't offer health care or unions or perks
Except to say proudly "The park's where I works!"
So those are the reasons the ticket price rose
(While at the same, all the trash overflows)
We're just treading water, we're barely alive
That PPP loan just enough to survive
We know you detest the new price you must pay
You'll yell and you'll cry but you'll come anyway!
/end