Blonde Jokes

[guwag]

How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?

Shine a flashlight in their ear

Here's a good link but I must attach a warning to it - don't go to this if you're easily shocked (doesn't really sound like anyone on the boards but hey ) http://www.kellys.com/jokeb1.html

 

[tigsmom]

Thats the same one I've been using...most couldn't be used here.

ps. that was the one I had picked for my next post.:lol:

 

[guwag]

Some of my favourites can't be told here either, lol. As for choosing the same joke - Great minds think alike

 

[tigsmom]

Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman?
Cause you have to hollow out it's head!

 

[pocahontas79]

A blonde walked into a shop looking to buy some pink curtains. The salesman shows her what he has and asks what size she needs. The blonde says I need a curtain just the size of my computer. The salesman says you don't need to buy curtains for your computer.
The blonde says yes but I do, I HAVE WINDOWS!!!!:lol:


From a brunette

 

[General Grizz]

What is hours of entertainment for a blonde?

Find out:

Click me!

 

[tigsmom]

OK Grizz...I fell for it.:lol:

Reminds me of the time I sent a joke to my sister...still a natural blonde. It was called the "free COKE holder" (everytime you clicked on the link the CD ROM drawer popped open.) She emailed me that there was something wrong with her computer...everytime she clicked on the link the CD ROM drawer hit her in the knee. Could I please call and let her know how to get one. I laughed so hard I cried. (she still gets mad when I remind her of this.) But then this was the kid who told my dad that she needed a window seat in the car cause i (tigsmom) "breathed up all the air". :lol:

 

[tigsmom]

What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool?
Air Pockets.

 

[Lil'mermaid]

edit b/c my link didnt work

 

[guwag]

How do you drown a blonde?

Put a mirror at the bottom of a swimming pool

 

[tigsmom]

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are on the run from the law when they find an old barn to hide out in. The police are close on their tails, so when the women find three sacks, they immediately jump into them. About a minute later, a policeman comes into the barn and sees the suspicious-looking sacks. He kicks the first one.
"Meow," says the redhead.

"It must be a cat," thinks the policeman and he kicks the second sack.

"Woof," says the brunette.

"Must be a dog," thinks the policeman and he kicks the third sack.

"Potatoes," says the blonde.

 

[guwag]

:lol: That's a good one Tigsmom

 

[tigsmom]

Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out
light bulbs?

She needed them for the darkroom she was building.

 

[Bagheera]

What do you call three blondes with their heads side-by-side?

A wind tunnel.

 

[Bagheera]

What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?

Artificial intelligence.

 

[Bagheera]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me... I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle pieces spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He holds her hand softly, leads her to a chair and says "Secondly, I'd advise you to relax. We'll have a cup of coffee, and then...

let's put all these Frosted Flakes back into the box."

 

[Bagheera]

Three Blondes Explain Easter:

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.

The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."

St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to Hell.

The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts."

St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to Hell.

The third blonde said she knew what Easter was, and St. Peter said, "So, tell me."

She said," Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when He was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested Him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder...

St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."

Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball."

St. Peter fainted.

 

[Bagheera]

OK, I'm done. (For now...)

 

[PrincessAli]

Originally posted by guwag
How do you drown a blonde?

Put a mirror at the bottom of a swimming pool

no no no, silly

You put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

 

[tigsmom]

Three blondes are sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is
______________ hers, one is biting hers, one is licking hers. Which one is married?
The one with the wedding ring, YOU SICK-O!