Any one grew/growing up in an unhappy home?

[Banksy]

Sorry to bring the mood down, but i want someone to talk/relate to. Possibly just to talk to adults as well, because i spoke to my friends about it before and i feel they don't understand. We go to disney as a family every year, so i think they see that and assume we are a happy family.

I am 18 living at home and have almost completed my first year at uni. My dad hit my mum a few times last year, (Oh and he is in the police!) and ever since, we keep trying to leave. My dad stops us from leaving and won't let us leave. My mum is so unhappy and is crying all the time. He hates my mums family and He constantly puts me and my mum down, telling us whats wrong with our personalities or they way we look and my little brother is growing up with this. He threatened to commit suicide a few times and my mum is positive he has a mental illness and he agrees to this, but refuses to see a doctor. I just want someone to tell me t gets better then this. My life is a mess. As embarrassing as it is, i am 18 and never had a boyfriend because i am so afraid i will end up with someone like him.

I don't have any real friends. I have 3 who i hardly ever see and i am so shy because of the stress that it knocks my confidence. I hardly ever go out.

The only time i feel normal is when we are on holiday.





Has any one been through something like this? How did it get better? I feel like my life isn't going anywhere and never will. I am posting this as a last resort, as i really have no one to talk to and you all seem nice.

 

[Master Yoda]

While I have never had to deal with this personally I have had friends that did. I have also seen friends of my kids deal with the same thing. The first start would of course be counseling. If that has been tried and it has failed the only solution is to get out and never look back. It is harsh but that is the reality of it.

 

[rsoxguy]

This Forum is not your “last resort”. Unfortunately, a great deal of the potential for a solution to this situation lies on your mother’s shoulders, although your father is clearly the root of this problem. She is the one who needs to actively seek help for your father. She is also the one who needs to get herself, and her daughter, away from a man who is mentally ill, verbally abusive, and physically violent. Counseling is a key component for your father’s well-being, but it sounds as though you and your mother would also benefit from a professional counselor who is equipped to properly help you in coping with the things that you have had to endure.

I did not grow up in an abusive family, but I have had to deal with many people who have. It gets better when people resolve to make it better. I would suggest that you stop seeking help from strangers on the internet, and instead speak to your mother about the development of a “game plan” for the future of your family. Her marriage, and your relationship with your father, can be salvaged with the assistance of people who are qualified to help. It may have to begin with the two of you separating yourselves from a potentially dangerous situation as you work toward getting the help that your father needs. Only you can know what is truly needed. The sad truth remains that you will never receive help if you do not seek it from “real life” people. I truly wish you and your parents the best.

 

[mrsdanalind]

Sorry to bring the mood down, but i want someone to talk/relate to. Possibly just to talk to adults as well, because i spoke to my friends about it before and i feel they don't understand. We go to disney as a family every year, so i think they see that and assume we are a happy family.

I am 18 living at home and have almost completed my first year at uni. My dad hit my mum a few times last year, (Oh and he is in the police!) and ever since, we keep trying to leave. My dad stops us from leaving and won't let us leave. My mum is so unhappy and is crying all the time. He hates my mums family and He constantly puts me and my mum down, telling us whats wrong with our personalities or they way we look and my little brother is growing up with this. He threatened to commit suicide a few times and my mum is positive he has a mental illness and he agrees to this, but refuses to see a doctor. I just want someone to tell me t gets better then this. My life is a mess. As embarrassing as it is, i am 18 and never had a boyfriend because i am so afraid i will end up with someone like him.

I don't have any real friends. I have 3 who i hardly ever see and i am so shy because of the stress that it knocks my confidence. I hardly ever go out.

The only time i feel normal is when we are on holiday.





Has any one been through something like this? How did it get better? I feel like my life isn't going anywhere and never will. I am posting this as a last resort, as i really have no one to talk to and you all seem nice.

What you are going through emotionally is totally normal. What the next step is getting you, your mom and your brother out of there asap. There are shelters that you can go to until and if your dad decides what he wants to do. If he decides that counseling is the answer then great, if not then the three of you need to find a life for yourselves. It's not easy, but it is doable. I've been there and gone through it with my father, who refused to get help of any kind. My mom raised 5 kids all by herself and beleive me we turned out normal, or as normal as possible. Right now all five of us "kids" are married with kids of our own, and I graduated from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee with a degree in psychology. Hang in there it does get better.
:wave:

 

[Banksy]

What you are going through emotionally is totally normal. What the next step is getting you, your mom and your brother out of there asap. There are shelters that you can go to until and if your dad decides what he wants to do. If he decides that counseling is the answer then great, if not then the three of you need to find a life for yourselves. It's not easy, but it is doable. I've been there and gone through it with my father, who refused to get help of any kind. My mom raised 5 kids all by herself and beleive me we turned out normal, or as normal as possible. Right now all five of us "kids" are married with kids of our own, and I graduated from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee with a degree in psychology. Hang in there it does get better.
:wave:

Thank you so much. I am so glad you are happy!

I'm hoping one day he will LET us leave, and my mum gets the courage to go through with it.


Thank you so much.

 

[Master Yoda]

Thank you so much. I am so glad you are happy!

I'm hoping one day he will LET us leave, and my mum gets the courage to go through with it.


Thank you so much.

In all probability he will never "let" you leave. You and/or your mother will have to take action without his consent.

 

[Banksy]

In all probability he will never "let" you leave. You and/or your mother will have to take action without his consent.

I know, i know. I think my mum is worried that my little brother will stay with my dad, as my brother, too young to understand will just look at my dad as being all lone.


I want to get my brother out of this hell hole.

Thank you all anyway. It may seem silly as it is only a post on a thread, but it feels so much better just to tell someone. So thank you.

 

[disneychic71]

my heart breaks for you and your family. I was lucky to have a happy childhood, thanks to the remarkable strength of my mom who grew up in a terribly abusive home. She got away as soon as she could, and made a good life for herself with a good man. It seems that you have the same strength. Good luck, and don't be afraid to seek the help of professionals. If you can find a women's shelter there may be someone there who can help.

 

[mrsdanalind]

Get you mum to a therapist or clergy or someone she can talk to, she needs to see that what your dad is teaching your brother is not what she would have him learn. He dosen't need to see that physical or verbal abuse is acceptable in any area of life. And your mum needs to know that you and he support her unconditionally, even if it means standing shoulder to shoulder against your dad. We had to do it, and it was the only way we could leave, just pack your bags and go. Do not leave a note or message, and do not look back. Your father will not willingly let his power over you all end, so unfortunately you will have to just do it. You are a strong young woman, and I'm sure that you can survive this, but remember that which does not kill you only makes you stronger.
Good luck and God Bless.

 

[chatsworth]

Man, I think its one of those things where ya'll are just gonna have to take off and hope you can't be found.

 

[Wilt Dasney]

I'm sorry for what you and your mother have endured. It is my experience that no problem is forever and things do get better, but I have never dealt with a cancer burrowed so deep into my family, so I don't feel comfortable telling you to just relax. The fact is a solution for your life is likely to require some action on your part.

At 18, you are now a legal adult...although that might not mean much to you at the heart level. I know I felt far from "grown" when I was 18. Still, if you can find the means and courage, you do now have options open to you that a child wouldn't. You can take control of your own life if you need to.

I sincerely hope that your mother can summon the courage to stand up to your father and do what is best for her children...but if she is unable to do that, please think of yourself first and do what you need to extricate yourself from the situation. Do you go away to university? If so, a good first step could be waiting until you return to school and are not immediately under your father's thumb, then confiding in a counselor that you feel unsafe returning home. They could provide you with some resources to help.

Your pain is real, but your suffering is up to you. Best wishes for a happier future, Banksy.

 

[Banksy]

Thank you all so much. Me and my mum had a long chat yesterday night and i think we are going to go and talk to a professional, possibly take out an injunction.

We know this will not stop him, but it is the first step. I really appreciate all of your advice and you will never know how much it means to me that you have all even taken the time to give advice and listen to me, so i am truly grateful.


xxxx

 

[disneychic71]

Good luck to you all! Please let us know how things go, and that you, your brother and your mom are o.k.

 

[Banksy]

Good luck to you all! Please let us know how things go, and that you, your brother and your mom are o.k.

Thank you so much!!!

 

[mrsdanalind]

you are so welcome

Thank you all so much. Me and my mum had a long chat yesterday night and i think we are going to go and talk to a professional, possibly take out an injunction.

We know this will not stop him, but it is the first step. I really appreciate all of your advice and you will never know how much it means to me that you have all even taken the time to give advice and listen to me, so i am truly grateful.


xxxx

Please let me know how things turn out and remember that it's not easy but it is survivable.
Best of luck and God be with you
Dana:wave:

 

[chatsworth]

Many thoughts, prayers, and good vibes headed your way. Hate that it had to come to that.

 

[Sarabell]

Well, My situation is not the same as yours, cause my dad was never phisycally violent, but he sure destroyed my mom´s self confidence and self esteem to a point where she felt uncapable of leaving him although he was with someone else. Because he never let her work, she became totally dependant and she felt if she did something to stop him we would be homeless and starving. He is a lawyer so my mom was terrified of what he could do.

Me and my sister ended up being the ones who had to stand up for ourselves and my mom. this was 6 years ago, I was 20 and my sis was 18 like you, and it has turned out ok for us. It took a long time for my mom to recover but she seeked professional counseling and you could say she moved on. My sister and I work so we help our mom with whatever we can, and this year we decided it was time to get some closure and come to terms with the fact that the 3 of us are a new family, and deserve to be a happy one. We´re in fact celebrating our new family with a trip to WDW this year.

You will be your mom´s support through this because YOU´RE STRONG ENOUGH TO OVERCOME WHATEVER HAPPENS!! keep this in mind please because nobody, absolutely nobody can take your peace from you unless you let them! I learned this the hard way, after lots of tears and fears, so I can assure you things do get better. My best wishes to you and I hope your mom, your brother and you become a new, happy family like we did. :wave:

 

[Banksy]

Well, My situation is not the same as yours, cause my dad was never phisycally violent, but he sure destroyed my mom´s self confidence and self esteem to a point where she felt uncapable of leaving him although he was with someone else. Because he never let her work, she became totally dependant and she felt if she did something to stop him we would be homeless and starving. He is a lawyer so my mom was terrified of what he could do.

Me and my sister ended up being the ones who had to stand up for ourselves and my mom. this was 6 years ago, I was 20 and my sis was 18 like you, and it has turned out ok for us. It took a long time for my mom to recover but she seeked professional counseling and you could say she moved on. My sister and I work so we help our mom with whatever we can, and this year we decided it was time to get some closure and come to terms with the fact that the 3 of us are a new family, and deserve to be a happy one. We´re in fact celebrating our new family with a trip to WDW this year.

You will be your mom´s support through this because YOU´RE STRONG ENOUGH TO OVERCOME WHATEVER HAPPENS!! keep this in mind please because nobody, absolutely nobody can take your peace from you unless you let them! I learned this the hard way, after lots of tears and fears, so I can assure you things do get better. My best wishes to you and I hope your mom, your brother and you become a new, happy family like we did. :wave:

Thank you!!! Actually, your situation sounds ALOT like mine. My dad had been physical a few times, but mostly with my mum and now he is destroying our self confidence etc. And he a policeman, so like you, we are afraid of what he can do and what he can get out of.

We are worried at the moment though, because if my mum does leave him, he will make sure she loses her job. Plus, he already practically stalks her, so we are not entirely sure where to go with that.


Thank you so much to everyone, especially those who are brave and kind enough to share their stories, i KNOW it is hard even talking about them with strangers on the net.


Hopefully all this will end some day! x