What to do about tag-alongs?

[dnscbus]

I've spent months planning a trip for my family. It has not been easy, and I don't want to bore anyone with all the details, but it has literally been months picking the right time, place to stay, places to eat, and on and on as many of you know how much planning is needed.

Well, now my mother-in-law wants to come. Not a big deal, we've been with her once before, and I actually like her pretty well. But that lead to someone else wanting to come and then someone else and before you know it, all the planning I've done is wasted. They can't experience Disney like we can. We can just afford to do more. We are staying at the Floridian, hoping to do the Fireworks party, lots of sitdown character meals, and just a lot of extras I know they can't afford. We have Annual Passes, and I don't know even how many days they could afford on a ticket.

I also don't think their kids would enjoy the same things my kids have enjoyed. We have very different viewpoints towards life coming from very different backgrounds.

I guess it boils down to the this: I've gone to Disney countless times the last few years with my girls and I don't want a very special place to me to be ruined by going with a group of people who don't get Disney and may make a comment that would forever be associated with Disney. It has happened before when I went with my own siblings, and I really don't want it to happen again.

So how would you uninvite tag-alongs who were not invited in the first place?

 

[rsoxguy]

I often post my idea of humor on this forum. Please do not mistake this post for humor.

Bite the bullet, remain determined, and memorize the following statement: "I'm sorry, but we had our hearts set on a family vacation. We have spent a great deal of time and effort planning for this trip, and we would prefer to keep it a family trip. We would love to go with others in the future, but not on this family vacation. Perhaps we could plan a big trip together with everyone in the coming months, but we would prefer to stick with our original plans for this trip and go solely as a family."

 

[Nemo14]

^ what he said
We ended up one year with 2 other families, and it was really the trip from you-know-where. Never again!
However, we often travel with a group of friends, but we know each other well enough that their plans are not our plans, and we're all fine with that.

 

[Sweet Melissa]

I don't know how to tell someone they can't come. I find it easier to tell them how much (or reading between the lines, how little) time I can give to them on my vacation. "Okay, we're staying at hotel X from Sunday to Saturday. Will the dates you're going overlap ours? We can meet you for lunch on Tuesday and spend some time together In Epcot on Thursday."

 

[Nemo14]

I don't know how to tell someone they can't come. I find it easier to tell them how much (or reading between the lines, how little) time I can give to them on my vacation. "Okay, we're staying at hotel X from Sunday to Saturday. Will the dates you're going overlap ours? We can meet you for lunch on Tuesday and spend some time together In Epcot on Thursday."

Trust me, once you've experienced it, you quickly find a way to say NO!

 

[Britt]

Seriously, just keep your plans. If they wanna go to WDW, thats great, just be like "We have plans at this place. We'll catch up with you later" or something.

Dont change ANYTHING!

 

[Sweet Melissa]

Trust me, once you've experienced it, you quickly find a way to say NO!

Our last Disneyland vacation ended up being an extended family vacation instead of our usual just the two of us. Whenever the big group got annoying, we just bailed on them. We planned one dinner with them and met up for certain rides and such, but it was pretty easy to just say, "See ya, we're going to do our own thing now."

 

[BrittanyRose428]

I don't know how your group would be, but when I go with my dad's family (theres 8-10 of us) everyone refuses to split up which makes things miserable. It gets really annoying to stop every two feet for a bathroom, and wait around while other people go on rides I want nothing to do with. My mom and I always want to split up, but my grandparents, dad, and uncle always kind of guilt us to stay together, and its just an awkward situation. I would rather avoid the whole bigger group thing in the first place to be honest, but maybe your tagalongs will be different?

 

[Sweet Melissa]

I don't know how your group would be, but when I go with my dad's family (theres 8-10 of us) everyone refuses to split up which makes things miserable. It gets really annoying to stop every two feet for a bathroom, and wait around while other people go on rides I want nothing to do with. My mom and I always want to split up, but my grandparents, dad, and uncle always kind of guilt us to stay together, and its just an awkward situation. I would rather avoid the whole bigger group thing in the first place to be honest, but maybe your tagalongs will be different?

All of the waiting and wasted time is definitely the worst thing about being in a big group. Luckily, I'm cold-hearted enough to just skip out when the majority can't get their act together.

 

[BrittanyRose428]

All of the waiting and wasted time is definitely the worst thing about being in a big group. Luckily, I'm cold-hearted enough to just skip out when the majority can't get their act together.

Thats the way it should be, but I haven't gone with this group since I was probably 16, so it would have been kind of weird for me to initiate the whole splitting up deal lol. It gets very annoying though, its definitely the worst thing about being with a group.

 

[Dad 2 M & M]

My advice would be to NOT tell them you entire itinerary. We had this problem recently, and we explained that M & M are at the ages now where our family might be taking its last trip together. We made it clear that we were being selfish with the remaining time with our daughters.

It worked, but we still made time for the rest of the extended party. When it came right down to it, we just couldn’t cut them totally out of the deal (family is family, and friends are family you choose).

 

[Rob562]

If you can't convince them to wait for another trip like rsoxguy suggested, then I agree with the others. Make it clear to the others that you already have your trip planned, that they're free to plan their own trip, and hopefully you can meet up a few times for a few hours. Maybe a meal all together, watch a parade and fireworks as a group.

But whatever you do, do *not* radically change your plans for them.

-Rob

 

[quirkle]

My trip is not until next December and people say they want to meet me or go with me - I told them - When Lorrie is in Disney it is Lorrie time sorry.

 

[SuprDav]

The larger the group = the more generic activities = less fun for everyone.

 

[dreamfinder]

As mentioned above, you really have two ways to look at it. Complete family time, outside the core family, sorry, lets plan another. Or you will be there at the same time? Great, we already have things planned that we cannot change (little white lie never hurt) but can meet you at this point for a few hours, or meet you here for a meal. Don't ever rework your entire trip for someone else.

 

[DVCOwner]

We also go as a large group, but everyone knows the rules ahead of time. We have two group events planned that everyone goes to. The rest of the time you are on your own. If you want to go with someone, that fine. If just your family does something together, thats fine. Each family does there own planning and works with other families in the group to plan events. As the overall planner for the whole group, everyone coordinates their plans with me so we do keep a master list of things people are doing in case others want to join in.

 

[Pooh'sBuddy]

Well, now my mother-in-law wants to come. Not a big deal, we've been with her once before, and I actually like her pretty well. But that lead to someone else wanting to come and then someone else and before you know it, all the planning I've done is wasted.

As Rob mentioned above, are they expecting you to make their reservations? Right there is a deal breaker for me. Besides their rudeness, maybe letting them figure out the price tag will change their minds.

 

[tracyandalex]

Seriously, just keep your plans. If they wanna go to WDW, thats great, just be like "We have plans at this place. We'll catch up with you later" or something.

Dont change ANYTHING!

This is always what I do when folks try to tag along with us. I tell them our plans and invite them to join, but I don't change our plans.

 

[Tomi-Rocket]

I used to think I'd love to go with others but have since changed my mind. When we go it's one of the few times we're all together as a family for more than a few hours at a time. My dad and his GF joined us last year for a few days and we loved having them with us, it was a wonderfully special time to spend all together.

With that being said, I don't know if I have the guts to uninvite people I didn't want to go so I suggest this - make and keep your schedule, then make copies for the add-ons and in no uncertain terms tell them these are your plans and you stick to them. If they voice concerns or questions tell them you plan like this because it takes a great deal of planning to do and see everything you want. Then stick to it and don't back down.

 

[ddrongowski]

I will never ever again travel to WDW with anyone except direct family (wife and son only). Made a huge mistake of taking friends once. Never again. My suggestions.
1. Oh your going to be there at the same time, maybe we will run into each other in one of the 6 parks, or dtd.
2. You want to hang with us, well make sure you get the same resort, ticket setup, etc.. or it will not work out.
3. The rental car we have is not big enough for everyone.
4. Well we already have our plans and they cannot be changed or modified. Disney rules or something like that.

or

I really do not want anyone else with us, sorry.