Wedding party 'gift'

[dave&di]

Hi guys, I would like your opinion on the following:

My mother keeps in contact (well, sends and receives a xmas card every year) with an ex neighbour we last saw 20 years ago, I was really close to her two daughters who were a few years younger than me and my parents used to socialise with her husband and herself.

So, a few weeks ago my mother receives an invitation for my parents and my sister and I to attend her wedding reception (she broke up with the husband we knew 15 years ago after he told her he was gay! (looking back it was obvious!).

Right, this is the bit that leaves me p#ssed! With the invitation was a note saying that as her new husband and herself had been living together for many years they would not want to receive any gifts......... Just cash instead!

Am I wrong for finding this shocking? Isn't it a compliment enough to know people are happy to celebrate the occasion with them, probably spending money on a new outfit or shoes, buying drinks at the event and then possibly spending money on transport to get there.

Plus we have not seen or spoken to her for 20 years, why should we have to give her money that we cannot really afford to give!!! As I stated, money will be spent on attending anyway!

It's not like they are a young couple starting out in life with a new house and planning a future family, where they need help with furnishing a home and a bit of a kick start, they are both in their 60s and retired! He was a banker and they live well!

I am quite willing to turn up with a card and nothing more but my mother feels obliged to have to put money in it! Why should you be given money because you chose to get married, I remember the days when people received 4 toasters and 5 kettles and were grateful for the thought, these days 'newlyweds' have wedding lists stating what gift, even brand they would like, or even state no gift, cash please!!! This is one of the reasons I have been with my OH for 10 years and have not married (well, he hasn't asked me anyway!) :ROFLOL:

 

[rsoxguy]

We live in a time of changing social patterns. Things that were not acceptable years ago have suddenly become the norm within parts of society. Such is the case with wedding customs. While I commend the happy couple for deciding to “make it legal” by ending their time of unwedded bliss, I’m afraid that they have created an unintended source of offense through their desire to make things easier for their wedding guests. It is best to assume that they want to rejoice in their upcoming nuptials with as many friends and acquaintances as possible, hence the invitation to people with whom they have hardly associated within the past two decades. It is also best to assume that they simply wanted to make the awkward issue of gift-giving an easy task for their friends and family. Any other assumption would only generate a sense of bitterness that you do not want to harbor within your heart.

If I may, allow me to offer an alternative to your stated choices in dealing with this wedding gift dilemma. I would suggest that you buy them a card that expresses a very loving sentiment regarding their marriage, along with a homemade baked item. Bake some cookies, brownies, or anything else that you can handle in the kitchen. In the card, amidst the rest of the wonderful and loving sentiments that you express regarding their wedding, write, “you are such a sweet couple, and I hope that these treats make for a lovely dessert one evening as you enjoy each other’s company”. They will have no choice but to thank you for such a thoughtful expression of love, whether they like it or not.

 

[dave&di]

Thanks for your opinion rsoxguy, the event is tomorrow night, and I'm not a cook at all! I could always take a packet of cookies! I like your thinking though! It is a good idea with a lovely sentiment.