URGENT help please- On work trip abroad. Colleague gone crazy

[WDWlover7543]

Just that really. I'm abroad (from the UK) for work, 2 days in a major European city with a client meeting tomorrow morning. I've travelled with a female colleague/friend who, like me, has 2 young children. When we found out about this trip she messaged me to say she was desperately looking forward to it as she needs a break from the children and is run ragged juggling everything. I said I totally sympathised and she replied that we should use this trip as an opportunity to get rat arsed on the company's money. I just laughed.

Arrived at the airport this morning for our early flight to find she had already had downed 2 pints but was at least sober. She kicked up a fuss on the plane as there was no alcohol on sale - not massively but enough to embarrass me. Landed and she bought more alcohol and has generally been increasingly drunk, hyper and shrill since saying this is 'her time'. We arrived at the hotel at 1pm (local time) and were meant to go over our presentation for tomorrow but I've had zero input from her. I need her to contribute a bunch of slides and practice a demo of the technical solution we are meant to be presenting to the client but she is not playing ball and has just been propping up the bar. I'm stressed. It looks as if I will have to do her slides and I don't have enough knowledge so emailing colleagues back home. I don't want to speak to my manager about this. She is normally quite conscientious.
I really don't want to speak to my manager because I'm good friends with her and know that she has serious mental health problems which she hasn't received help or support for and I am fairly (if not 100% sure) sure that this behaviour today may be a cry for help from her.

 

[Goofyernmost]

See what tomorrow brings. Just plant a few seeds, like you know you could lose your job if you aren't ready for the meeting. If no cooperation then let someone know that you are having to wing it on your own. Chances are whomever you are presenting too, will mention things anyway. If still hammered by tomorrow leave her in the hotel.

 

[Hakunamatata]

I didn't vote because Im not sure what your manager could do to get you through the presentation. I would have a straight up conversation with her and tell her that if she can not pull herself together to get through the presentation, that its going to have a negative impact not only on her, but you, and if she is a friend, she would not do that. If she then shrugs it off, then yes, loop in your manager and burn a bridge.

 

[Master Yoda]

I didn't vote because Im not sure what your manager could do to get you through the presentation. I would have a straight up conversation with her and tell her that if she can not pull herself together to get through the presentation, that its going to have a negative impact not only on her, but you, and if she is a friend, she would not do that. If she then shrugs it off, then yes, loop in your manager and burn a bridge.

This^^^

This is not a group project in a high school biology class. This is the real world and there are real consequences. Give her a chance to right the ship. If she does not snap to attention post haste, pour gas on that bridge and watch it burn.

 

[LAKid53]

I agree with @hakunamatata and @Master Yoda. Talk to your colleague, tell her this presentation is important to you, her AND the company. Give her the opportunity to sober up and do her job. Let her know you WILL leave her behind if she can't get her act together. Tell her know your manager will definitely receive a report from the client about the presentation. I'm sure those coworkers back in the office are wondering why you need help with her part of the presentation...and the manager may be told by them. For now, you need to get your presentation together and give the client the best you can. I'd strongly advise leaving her at the hotel to sleep it off.

While she's your friend, this is BUSINESS and you're meeting with a client of the company you work for. Her behavior is unprofessional and beyond excusable - the "get rat arsed on company's shilling" isn't professional and shouldn't be tolerated. And yes, she needs help. But she won't get it if you shield her from the consequences of her actions on this trip. Showing up drunk for the flight (sorry, 2 pints in the AM, you may appear sober but you're legally drunk in most jurisdictions, ESPECIALLY if you're a woman) and then harassing the cabin crew is a no-no. Then purchasing more booze, proceeding to get even more drunk, sitting at the hotel bar for MORE drinking. Yeah, not excusable. You don't think someone won't question her purchase of alcohol and all the drinks on her hotel tab when she files her expense report? Trust me, the manager WILL find out about it. You really need to have a word with your manager when you return.

 

[WDWlover7543]

If I tell our manager she will lose her job though.

She been diagnosed previously with serious mental health issues and I'm sure this behaviour is a cry for help.

 

[LAKid53]

If I tell our manager she will lose her job though.

She been diagnosed previously with serious mental health issues and I'm sure this behaviour is a cry for help.

If the manager is told by the client of a shoddy presentation, with the potential to lose their business, he will want an explanation from you both. She will be questioned about her expense report. It is much better for her....and you...to have a quiet talk with the manager, rather than accounting or the client having one. Not sure what the rules are where you work, but here in the US, many companies have policies and peograms to help employees like her. This isn't 1950s Mad Men any more.

 

[Master Yoda]

If I tell our manager she will lose her job though.

She been diagnosed previously with serious mental health issues and I'm sure this behaviour is a cry for help.

I know you care about your friend. I know you don't want her to lose her job. I know you want her to get help.

However, this is not your problem and it is very unfair for her to put you in this position. It has been shown time and time again that carrying a person through events like this only makes the problem worse.

Tell her to sober up. If she complies, get through this project and insist that she seeks help.

If she refuses to do both things, you have to cut her loose for both of your sakes.

 

[WDWlover7543]

I know you care about your friend. I know you don't want her to lose her job. I know you want her to get help.

However, this is not your problem and it is very unfair for her to put you in this position. It has been shown time and time again that carrying a person through events like this only makes the problem worse.

Tell her to sober up. If she complies, get through this project and insist that she seeks help.

If she refuses to do both things, you have to cut her loose for both of your sakes.

We never get questioned about our expenses or asked for receipts.

I'm not cutting her loose, she's my best friend and I will always help and support her.

She has previously told her employer that she has been diagnosed with serious mental health issues and they have done nothing to support her.

 

[WDWlover7543]

She has came up to her room to get ready for dinner, will speak to her when we are seated and tell her that I'm really concerned about her and tell her that I will help and support her.

 

[Master Yoda]

We never get questioned about our expenses or asked for receipts.

I'm not cutting her loose, she's my best friend and I will always help and support her.

She has previously told her employer that she has been diagnosed with serious mental health issues and they have done nothing to support her.

Then you need to be fully prepared to go down in flames right alongside her, which helps no one.

If she has issues as you stated, she needs professional help. Right now, all you are doing is enabling her self destructive behavior. Many people will not get help until they hit rock bottom. It sucks, but sometimes you just have to take a step back and let it happen so you can be there to help pick up the pieces.

 

[LAKid53]

She has came up to her room to get ready for dinner, will speak to her when we are seated and tell her that I'm really concerned about her and tell her that I will help and support her.

She needs to also be told, clearly, that she's here to do a job and she needs to do it or it will reflect poorly on both of you. I get that she's your friend and you want to help and support her. But you're there for BUSINESS, you are representing the company you work for and in the end, that's what matters at this point.

 

[Wendy Pleakley]

If I tell our manager she will lose her job though.

She been diagnosed previously with serious mental health issues and I'm sure this behaviour is a cry for help.

You are not responsible for any actions a manager takes towards your co-worker. That is their decision.

It sounds like you could be harmed by delivering a sub-par presentation, because you not only have to do the work of two people, but have to present something you don't have the requisite expertise on.

Are you really willing to potentially suffer professional consequences due to the actions of someone else?

 

[Lensman]

You can always go with the "taken violently ill" excuse. At a previous job, someone came up with the not entirely fraudulent malady, "food poisoning."

If you're truly a friend, I'd try to intervene to find out what's ailing her. Maybe it would help to have someone to talk to, even without or especially without alcohol.

 

[trr1]

what happened?

 

[trr1]

Just that really. I'm abroad (from the UK) for work, 2 days in a major European city with a client meeting tomorrow morning. I've travelled with a female colleague/friend who, like me, has 2 young children. When we found out about this trip she messaged me to say she was desperately looking forward to it as she needs a break from the children and is run ragged juggling everything. I said I totally sympathised and she replied that we should use this trip as an opportunity to get rat arsed on the company's money. I just laughed.

Arrived at the airport this morning for our early flight to find she had already had downed 2 pints but was at least sober. She kicked up a fuss on the plane as there was no alcohol on sale - not massively but enough to embarrass me. Landed and she bought more alcohol and has generally been increasingly drunk, hyper and shrill since saying this is 'her time'. We arrived at the hotel at 1pm (local time) and were meant to go over our presentation for tomorrow but I've had zero input from her. I need her to contribute a bunch of slides and practice a demo of the technical solution we are meant to be presenting to the client but she is not playing ball and has just been propping up the bar. I'm stressed. It looks as if I will have to do her slides and I don't have enough knowledge so emailing colleagues back home. I don't want to speak to my manager about this. She is normally quite conscientious.
I really don't want to speak to my manager because I'm good friends with her and know that she has serious mental health problems which she hasn't received help or support for and I am fairly (if not 100% sure) sure that this behaviour today may be a cry for help from her.

What happened? What did you do?