To cancel or not?

[NebraskaMinnie]

My mother's health is deteriorating rapidly. I am scheduled to leave for WDW/US/IOA this coming Friday (Oct.12) and I would be gone for a week with my husband and my oldest daughter. We have been planning this trip for over a year and to say we were getting excited is an understatement- my 10 year old daughter is packed already! However, I know my sisters were planning on caring for my younger daughter who was staying home. The oldest daughter has had 3 Disney trips cancelled in the past 6 years- at 10 she's not been yet. (early trips were cancelled as my mother in laws mother died and my own difficult pregnancy with her younger sister required me to be hospitalized. It breaks my heart to think that once again I may need to cancel (postpone really) the trip. My mother has been in bad shape for some time and because of that I have gotten my daughters there to visit her regularly. In the past year we have had at least two other "close calls" where it looked like my mom would not pull through and then she has. (My husband really feels like this is the case again and that we should move forward with the trip. In fact I know he feels my sister is exaggerating the situation as mom seems much better when we see her. I think she puts on her bravest strongest face for when I'm there with my kids though. She's always much weaker when I see her alone.)

I did take trip insurance so I do have the option that I won't lose everything we've put into it. BUT its a real catch 22. Every part of me thinks I should just cancel/postpone but, I really don't want to disappoint my daughter yet again (although she is a trooper and would be okay I know.) I also know my mother would want me to go and she would probably be upset with me for cancelling or postponing my trip- which is for my 40th birthday. But there is a part of me that knows if something were to happen to her while I was gone I'd feel just horrible. Not to mention how much extra stress it will put on my sisters who don't really know what they're in for as my younger daughter is unique to say the least and two of the three of my sisters do not have kids of their own (I'm the baby of the family.)

Will that end up ruining my trip? I'm a huge disney fan as most are here but I cannot figure out if going would still mean its not the trip it was meant to be as my mind is so distracted with all of this.

What would some of you do? Anyone been in this spot before? I am a horrible daughter if I still go?

 

[Nemo14]

Not a doubt in my mind - cancel the trip.

 

[Britt]

Wow...that is tough!!!

I would absolutely cancel a trip if the health of a family member was in jeopardy, and on the other hand, I totally understand your reservation about not doing so.

What about putting it off a few more weeks??

 

[Weather_Lady]

I was recently in this situation. My advice is to call a family meeting and talk it over with your sisters and/or mother. If they give you their blessing to go, go, enjoy yourself, and make sure you've left nothing unsaid between you and your mother, so that you won't feel there was "unfinished business" if the worst does happen while you're gone. If the family wants you to stay, either to support your mother or even just to support them, then it's probably wisest to stay. (If your husband is concerned that your mother's condition has been exaggerated or if you want to have a more concrete idea of what sort of time frame you're looking at, you may want to speak with your mother's physician. Due to HIPPA regulations, you'd have to have her permission to do this, or possibly go with her to an appointment.)

I pray that your decision-making will go as smoothly as possible, and that you and your family will have comfort and peace in the days ahead.

 

[luv]

I would...and did...postpone a trip if my parent were hospitalized.

 

[CaptainShortty]

I agree with Nemo14, cancel the trip. Even if she is ok throughout the whole trip, you're going to be worrying about her and the stress you have put on your sisters during the whole thing. You also run into the problem that if something does happen to her during your trip, would you wind up cutting it short and at that point what does your trip insurance cover, if anything?

Although I'm sure your daughter will be disappointed, being 10 I'm sure she can understand why you're not going. Maybe when you do reschedule the trip do something extra, extra special for her for being such a trooper through the whole thing? Maybe something like taking her to BBB or doing a fireworks cruise or eating at CRT. You know her best so whatever would make her even more happy. Good luck making the decision. It certainly isn't an easy one.

 

[Monty]

I think you should discuss your trip with your mother. Since you have insurance, I'd go. You can't permanently put your life on hold waiting for her to pass on, you might be years, even decades waiting. If she knows where you are, she'll understand and likely be happier that you're doing it than you are.

All that said, it's never easy to see a loved one struggling with health issues. Do what you can to give her the love you can and make memories with her for the kids. I wish you and your family all the best as you go through this.

 

[BCVTalsJam]

I would go but if something did come up you should leave early and let your family stay there. After all that stress that you and your family has gone through you may need to go and just relax so you can be more prepared and able to deal with the situation. But it all depends on how you feel...hard either way but in the end going might be the the better option to get your minds in a better place to deal with everything...

 

[NebraskaMinnie]

Mom is out of the hospital and doing much better after some IV fluids and some steroid treatments. She will have another appointment on this Thursday and test results won't be back in until the Thursday following our trip- so in the doctors opinion nothing too crucial should happen in the next two weeks. She needs to keep drinking water (dehydrated) and eating more. I took the advice of someone above and asked each family member individually. In family meeting my Dad and all but one sister have said GO, they do not think mom is in as bad of shape as the sister I was initially with at the hospital - who had been talking to the doctors alone. It seems as though we have a window of a bouncing back.

So as of her status right now I think we're going to try to make it. But of course like BCVTalsJam said- I'll be ready to come back if need be and I did get an aunt on my husband's side to watch my younger daughter so my other sisters would be freed up to do more with mom while I'm away.

Thanks all for your advice and words. If she hadn't been dismissed from the hospital or if she was still not eating or still dehydrated I think we'd most certainly have cancelled or reschedule for another time. We'll see. Time will truly tell and we'll have our ducks in a row if by Wednesday if we still need to cancel.

 

[Monty]

Have a great trip! I am glad to hear your Mom is seemingly on the mend. My best wishes to you and her.

 

[Tom]

Mom is out of the hospital and doing much better after some IV fluids and some steroid treatments. She will have another appointment on this Thursday and test results won't be back in until the Thursday following our trip- so in the doctors opinion nothing too crucial should happen in the next two weeks. She needs to keep drinking water (dehydrated) and eating more. I took the advice of someone above and asked each family member individually. In family meeting my Dad and all but one sister have said GO, they do not think mom is in as bad of shape as the sister I was initially with at the hospital - who had been talking to the doctors alone. It seems as though we have a window of a bouncing back.

So as of her status right now I think we're going to try to make it. But of course like BCVTalsJam said- I'll be ready to come back if need be and I did get an aunt on my husband's side to watch my younger daughter so my other sisters would be freed up to do more with mom while I'm away.

Thanks all for your advice and words. If she hadn't been dismissed from the hospital or if she was still not eating or still dehydrated I think we'd most certainly have cancelled or reschedule for another time. We'll see. Time will truly tell and we'll have our ducks in a row if by Wednesday if we still need to cancel.

I'm glad you posted this before I replied.

My advice would have been to go, unless (and this is hard to say and hear) you actually thought she would pass during your trip.

If either of my parents were in that type of situation, and they heard that I was going to cancel my family's Disney vacation to hang around and "wait" - they'd get out of the hospital bed and beat me senseless. But that's just how they are: "Don't worry about me - go have fun...I'll be here til you get back."

Regardless, I'm very glad to hear she turned back around again. And it sounds like she has plenty of moral support around her. Go and enjoy Disney World. You and your mom will be happier when you get back and see her again!

 

[MaryJaneP]

Glad to hear of the improvement. With that in mind, pictures you can show her of your trip, maybe even one with a picture of her or a sign with her name, may be meaningful to her and to you.

 

[BCVTalsJam]

Mom is out of the hospital and doing much better after some IV fluids and some steroid treatments. She will have another appointment on this Thursday and test results won't be back in until the Thursday following our trip- so in the doctors opinion nothing too crucial should happen in the next two weeks. She needs to keep drinking water (dehydrated) and eating more. I took the advice of someone above and asked each family member individually. In family meeting my Dad and all but one sister have said GO, they do not think mom is in as bad of shape as the sister I was initially with at the hospital - who had been talking to the doctors alone. It seems as though we have a window of a bouncing back.

So as of her status right now I think we're going to try to make it. But of course like BCVTalsJam said- I'll be ready to come back if need be and I did get an aunt on my husband's side to watch my younger daughter so my other sisters would be freed up to do more with mom while I'm away.

Thanks all for your advice and words. If she hadn't been dismissed from the hospital or if she was still not eating or still dehydrated I think we'd most certainly have cancelled or reschedule for another time. We'll see. Time will truly tell and we'll have our ducks in a row if by Wednesday if we still need to cancel.

Woo! Glad to hear all the good news! Relax with your family and enjoy this time. You will all need this trip to get your mind straight after everything that had happened. Enjoy your stay!

 

[ctosh]

Glad to hear your Mom is improving. I had a very simular thing happen with us in 07.. Its a very hard call.

 

[Sofiesmom]

I would cancel. I lost my mom almost 10 years ago to a brain tumor and she was only 57. I visited her every day in the hospital and so did my brothers. The day before she died, my one brother was sick so he didnt visit her. Early the next morning she passed away. To this day, he kicks himself in the butt for not seeing her the night before and blames himself. I told him it isn't his fault but the guilt is there.

If you arent there if your mom passes, you will feel horrible. Can you postpone it for a little later in the year?

 

[Sofiesmom]

Sorry! Maybe I should have read the updated posts before I posted. I am so happy she is out of the hospital and doing better!!! My prayers are with you and your family.

 

[KCheatle]

Glad to hear she's doing better!! And, I think it was a great idea to speak with each of your family members. Coming from such a happy place, it would not be great to return to a hostile situation with your family. I hope everything goes well for you and your family!!

 

[wiigirl]

So glad you mom is doing better!!

 

[NebraskaMinnie]

Thanks again everyone for all the input. We did go ahead and go. Its strange how things work. The week before we left Hospice was coming to meet with us about Mom entering their services and then just a few days before we left she was up out of bed most of the day, smiling, visiting with friends just doing amazingly well. While we were gone our autistic 3 year old stayed home went to visit with her a lot (my aunts say this is the best medicine for my mom as she's got a special attachment to our Tatum) and when we returned she was even at Mom and Dad's house (with my older sister and brother in law) and mom was out showing Tatum how to water the flowers.

We've had a few rough days since we got back. I think we're in that stage where there will be rough days, bad days, good days and wonderful days. My older sister has even done a small trip to Niagara falls for her anniversary and I had the chance to step up and be on full time mom duty that weekend along with my girls.

I'm very fortunate that nothing went wrong while we were gone and I'm thankful every day for each minute I get with my mom. You are all right that had she been in the hospital as we left I would have postponed. Also had more of the family insisted that we stayed we would have cancelled as well.

In a strange turn of events I think some of the stress of watching her health decline so rapidly had taken a greater toll on me than I'd realized. Being down in Florida, in a place that always has happy memories and activates all those positive cells that need rejuvination turned out to be really good medicine for me, medicine I hadn't realized I needed so badly. It also gave us an opportunity to put our older daughter back into the center of attention that she's been craving and needing herself for a while.

 

[Monty]

Yay! Glad you got to recharge your own batteries a bit.