SIL's Dilemma

[MissDiznee66]

A friend of hers is having a birthday party for her 9 yr old (one that in my sil's opinion doesnt deserve, because of HARDLY listening to her parents). And I believe that that is part of the reason that this is a dilemma to my sil, she doesnt really want to go to the party, as well as the friend is expecting sil to participate in it by "working the face painting station". She never even got an official invitation like everyone else, the friend said they just werent able to send them all out. And last year my sil did not give her own dd a party but yet this friend still gave her daughter one and they went and gave a gift but the friend, knowing sil's dd birthday was the month before didnt even offer a gift. I dont know sounds high schoolish but just not sure how my sil should feel. Glad we are going to be at disney when this party takes place. How would you feel? Would you even go or feel obligated? Thanks

 

[Uponastar]

A friend of hers is having a birthday party for her 9 yr old (one that in my sil's opinion doesnt deserve, because of HARDLY listening to her parents). And I believe that that is part of the reason that this is a dilemma to my sil, she doesnt really want to go to the party, as well as the friend is expecting sil to participate in it by "working the face painting station". She never even got an official invitation like everyone else, the friend said they just werent able to send them all out. And last year my sil did not give her own dd a party but yet this friend still gave her daughter one and they went and gave a gift but the friend, knowing sil's dd birthday was the month before didnt even offer a gift. I dont know sounds high schoolish but just not sure how my sil should feel. Glad we are going to be at disney when this party takes place. How would you feel? Would you even go or feel obligated? Thanks

In a perfect world, both sides of a friendship would be equal in every respect, but many times that is not the case. Sometimes one friend does more of the giving and does not mind that role. Your SIL needs to evaluate her feelings and decide if this friendship is worth the obligations that come with it. Only she can decide if she wants to put aside her feelings and go along with her friend's plans. If she feels this is something she does not want to do, she needs to be up front with her friend and tell her.

 

[TwoTigersMom]

Let me start by start by saying that this is strictly my opinion. I don't feel I have any right to decide if someone else's child "deserves" a birthday party. Even if were my best friends child. Just because I receive an invitation doesn't mean I'm obligated to go. If a friend, even my best friend, asked me to help out at the party, I'd have no problems telling the no if for some reason I did not want to go. I would, however, tell them far enough in advance so they could find someone else. Also, no party, no gift. Again, even my best friend and I use this policy. We do Christmas gifts and we're always doing small things thoughout the year for the others children.

 

[MissDiznee66]

Thanks. This gives my sil a couple good points to think about.