The new member has to list you on one or more forms before and during closing. And you need to follow up. DVC tried to weasel out of one for us a couple years ago.
Not much. Think it was a few hundred bucks or something? I've been told that if they made any contact with DVC prior to giving the referral, DVC won't count it as a referral. IE you took a tour 5 years ago, and then decide to buy now and give them a friends name, you were already in their system from that tour so they don't count your friend as having actually referred you.