I have an etiquette/possible social faux pas question.

[Tanna Eros]

A weird wine bar situation concerning a table.

We went to a wine bar this evening, and sat at a table for six. It was the largest table in this very small wine bar. We were the only people there for about an hour. We being three married couples.

It was a small place, so it was a situation where you went to the bar to get your drink, there was no servers going to tables. There was a fridge where you got your own beer and went to the counter with it.
Everything was fine, until the live band showed up. As they were setting up, the manager (she could have been a waitress, but since she was the one keeping tabs, I'm going to say manager) came to the table and told us she was expecting six people to need this particular table, and if they arrive, we're going to have to move.

We said okay, if they come in, we'll move, just tell us if and when to move. Our table wasn't dirty, it wasn't a food service bar, just wine and beer. There was no cleaning up if her people came in and sat at the table. We were obliging to her request, looking back, I don't know why. By this time, the bar is beginning to fill, and the tables are being taken by other customers.

When the band started up, two of our members left, and my husband stepped out onto the porch to take care of a business call. The manager comes over again, telling us we are going to have to move if her group comes in. We again affirmed we would.
There's three of us visible, my husband outside, four people at a six person table. We had all scooted down to one end of the table and two other women sat down in the two spare chairs at the end.

We kept looking at the door, waiting for this group of six people that needed this table, so we could get up, because we weren't sure if the manager was going to herald their arrival. By this time, there are not just our six chairs with my group and two women in them, but four more empty chairs have been pulled up to the table. It was a plastic picnic style table, so there was room. I wondered if the two women were part of the expected group, but looking at them, they asked if we minded them sitting there. No. We didn't.
The manager didn't address the two women, only us, when it came to our moving if her group should arrive.

My husband then walked in and sat down across from me at the table, and the manager looked at him, (I don't have an onomatopoeia for this,) vocalized frustration and glared at him. He was slightly confused.

I wasn't drunk, I'd only had one beer, and was thinking clearly, when the manager told us again, "You are going to have to move." Even though her group had yet to arrive. She didn't tell us they did, she didn't motion towards a group, there was no group at the door, nor did a group approach the table. There was no indication that a batch of people came in, waiting for this table. There was not even a straggler or scout to be introduced as part of the group.

My friend had just ordered a frozen five ounce sangria, and repeated that if and when the manager's group comes in, tell us, please. Then we will move, (For then, we would have to move outside, as all the other tables were taken, and it was cold outside.)

The manager said, "You don't have to angry about it."
My friend wasn't angry, and told her so, but the manager was walking away.
After about fifteen minutes, my husband and I had to head for home, so I don't know what happened afterwards, except that my friend ordered another sangria, and the manager ushered no group towards the table.

Can someone please help me understand what! just happened and if I were the one spoiling the etiquette? Is there another way I could have handled this

 

[ajrwdwgirl]

Seems strange to me. I wouldn't have agreed to move at all. If I was a paying customer I wouldn't expect to be asked to move especially if there hadn't been a reserved sign on the table when I sat down. If the manager/waitress had forgotten to put a reserved sign on the table before you sat down they should have told you that and offered to set you up at another acceptable to you table. But that doesn't sound like that happened. It may be the manger/waitress maybe had some friend coming and wanted that space for them.

And when they told you not to be angry about it, I would have then gotten angry or super annoyed and would have asked to speak to whoever was in charge or get the phone number of the owner and I would have let them know of the poor service I was receiving.

 

[Tanna Eros]

Thanks for the viewpoint.
I think my friend got a second sangria because at that point, she didn't want to move due to principle. Perhaps if we were solid in not moving and didn't agree to move, she would have badgered other customers, instead.
We were accepting of the plan until the waitress said that, then I just wanted to leave, which is a shame, because it was cute little bar along a restored strip of my city. Now it's on my 'avoid' list.
I'm looking at the situation and trying to see what we did to make a nice restaurant feel so awful, but the patrons weren't behaving as if we were awful, it was the manager, or the wine barista, or whatever they call them now.

Edit: She kept saying "if" as in she wasn't sure they were coming, so the guests she was expecting might not even show up, that's why we didn't move immediately. My dad had a corner bar chair that no one sat in, but it was a huge long Cheers style bar, where there were plenty of seats, and his seat was the 'poor man's seat' where you have to duck when the waitress comes through with a big tray. I never figured out why he liked that seat. End Edit.

I always try to look the other person's point of view, and stupidly suggested, "Maybe the band has friends or parents that come to see them."
The other woman's husband looked at me dumbfounded and asked, "Look at that band. Look how old they are- Do you think their parents are alive to see them?" The bandmates were senior citizens playing Janis Joplin, and I was sober when I suggested it. Now that's reaching to see the other guy's view.

Update: The friend that ordered the sangria messaged me today. She stayed a half an hour to finish her drink after we left, the two women got up to dance in the corner of the tiny bar, and she and her husband sat at this huge six person table, surrounded by no group.
It makes it even more confusing.

 

[mmnw]

Consider calling the manager. See what their response is to your story. Explain you are confused and a little turned off by the situation. Not sure about future visits.

 

[Goofyernmost]

I wasn't there, but, something sounds lopsided about that whole experience. Where you folks one of those groups that park themselves down and stay planted for hours at a time? Where you ordering many drinks or just nursing one, some not even a profitable drink while taking up a valuable space that "might" be needed for customers that are actually going to use the bar as a business and not your personal socializing space? Did the person actually say that some group was expected or that they would like to have that larger table available for any large normal bar usage group that might show up? If you folks were actually providing needed revenue for the establishment, I cannot think of a single reason why they would have told you that. If you weren't using the establishment the way that the place was designed to operate then I can see that they might say, in a passive aggressive way, that they need to use that space to make money. However, as I said I wasn't there, but it just doesn't sound like we are getting the entire story.

 

[Tanna Eros]

I wasn't there, but, something sounds lopsided about that whole experience. Where you folks one of those groups that park themselves down and stay planted for hours at a time? Where you ordering many drinks or just nursing one, some not even a profitable drink while taking up a valuable space that "might" be needed for customers that are actually going to use the bar as a business and not your personal socializing space? Did the person actually say that some group was expected or that they would like to have that larger table available for any large normal bar usage group that might show up? If you folks were actually providing needed revenue for the establishment, I cannot think of a single reason why they would have told you that. If you weren't using the establishment the way that the place was designed to operate then I can see that they might say, in a passive aggressive way, that they need to use that space to make money. However, as I said I wasn't there, but it just doesn't sound like we are getting the entire story.

One of the reasons I posted the original was to try to find what was so strange, was it the manager or us?
I'm trying to answer your questions in one fell swoop. Sorry if this is wordy.

We were there for 2 hours. It was a wine bar, but I can't drink wine, I wanted coffee, but the manager explained that the pot was empty, and implied she didn't wish to make another pot, so I had a German pilsner, only one, as I was the designated driver. So if anyone was nursing a drink, it was me, for I needed to drive. There were no soft drinks to purchase.

My husband, and the two other couples bought three bottles of wine. My one friend didn't like her wine so much, so she ordered a frozen sangria, and later, another.
It was a cave à manger, where you buy the whole bottle, no food service. I know three bottles of wine for two hours seems a lot to some, but that's how they were sold. If you want to take the rest with you, your cork it and put it in the trunk of your car. At least that's what is done where I live.

We were told if a group showed up, we must move. We agreed to this, and asked the manager to tell us when to move. We had three bottles of wine and glasses, plus some coats. I left my jacket on. As our group got smaller, we edged closer together.
We were only there an hour before she told us about her group.

The manager said if a group she expected showed up, not when the group showed up. I think that was a lot of the confusion, it seemed that neither the manager or ourselves knew for certain if the group was showing up.
There were no signs on the table reserving it. She didn't say anything until the band starting setting up.

At the point that here were four empty chairs added to the table, no one sat in them. They were empty until after I left. Recall in a past post that my friend had messaged me that no one showed up after we left.
The people that were standing in the bar were at those tall tables you see in airport restaurants. We kept looking around to account for people standing. We didn't want to move until the group came, because we would have to go outside in the cold at that point.

We walked into the bar, bought something to drink, sat, and drank. I don't understand how else we could have used the establishment in a way that is not prescribed for a wine bar.

 

[Tanna Eros]

Consider calling the manager. See what their response is to your story. Explain you are confused and a little turned off by the situation. Not sure about future visits.

I'd asked the neighbor who works at the restaurant across the street from the wine bar about how the wine bar works; each one has different rules; cork fees and such. I didn't know if we violated one.
He said rule number one was to avoid one waitress- and described the woman who worked that night. I've heard that some wine bar workers can be rude, and think about it- perhaps they are sommeliers, who spent a lot of time learning all sorts of wines, and then get their dream job in a town that just says "Red." or "White.", or in my case, "Beer."
He called her a waitress, but I'm thinking she's the manager when the owner's not there.
My sangria friend liked the bar itself, the wine selection, the patrons and band. Next time she visits, we'll just stick our head in the door and see who's working that night. If it's that one waitress, we'll go the to cowboy bar down the street.

 

[Goofyernmost]

I'd asked the neighbor who works at the restaurant across the street from the wine bar about how the wine bar works; each one has different rules; cork fees and such. I didn't know if we violated one.
He said rule number one was to avoid one waitress- and described the woman who worked that night. I've heard that some wine bar workers can be rude, and think about it- perhaps they are sommeliers, who spent a lot of time learning all sorts of wines, and then get their dream job in a town that just says "Red." or "White.", or in my case, "Beer."
He called her a waitress, but I'm thinking she's the manager when the owner's not there.
My sangria friend liked the bar itself, the wine selection, the patrons and band. Next time she visits, we'll just stick our head in the door and see who's working that night. If it's that one waitress, we'll go the to cowboy bar down the street.

Thanks for the explanation. My picture of a wine bar is that you go in and sample some and leave. I've never pictured it as a sit all evening and drink, but, my days of going to those ended many moons ago. What throws that whole idea out is the band, that isn't usually what happens unless it is a string quartet or something that goes better with wine. So I guess your guess is as good as mine.

 

[Tanna Eros]

Thanks for the explanation. My picture of a wine bar is that you go in and sample some and leave. I've never pictured it as a sit all evening and drink, but, my days of going to those ended many moons ago. What throws that whole idea out is the band, that isn't usually what happens unless it is a string quartet or something that goes better with wine. So I guess your guess is as good as mine.

You are right- like a brewery with flights. Tiny samples. That's what I thought, too.
It was a 60's 70's rock band playing.
The Mister found a bottle he knew he liked, so we bought that, but there was open wine served in plastic juice cups; we didn't know what it was. Of course, there were the frozen sangrias.
When the band started up, middle aged ladies got up and danced the tiniest dances in the world, being that the place was about 20'x30'. They had to dance between the tables.
I guess it wasn't so much a wine bar as a neighborhood bar that sold by the bottle.
Now you made me laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.

 

[Goofyernmost]

You are right- like a brewery with flights. Tiny samples. That's what I thought, too.
It was a 60's 70's rock band playing.
The Mister found a bottle he knew he liked, so we bought that, but there was open wine served in plastic juice cups, but we didn't know what it was. Of course, there were the frozen sangrias.
When the band started up, middle aged ladies got up and danced the tiniest dances in the world, being that the place was about 20'x30. They had to dance between the tables.
I guess it wasn't so much a wine bar as a neighborhood bar that sold by the bottle.
Now you made me laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.

It has been my lifelong experience if you mix people with wine sampling you get huge amounts of pompousness!