I’m not the type to confront people. I allow things to happen for as long as they are reasonable. So yeah, I barely say no to my family. But I’m very keen when it comes to saving money. I’m getting concerned about my daughter’s shopping routine. She goes around and blows her bank account. She is not careful about these shopping sprees and ends up spending too much. We still give her money in addition for her daily expenses and she has her own salary. I understand that she’s earning quite low so I don’t get why she shops so much, too much actually. She ends up asking us for extra money. I always bring this up to my wife but she never does anything about it. I have also told my sister, since she’s very close to my daughter, to help me in talking to her about the need to save money but my sister is too busy with her international dating blog events. I’m getting so frustrated because I have no idea how to confront my own child about her actions. I need advice for this. Don’t know what to do.
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How can I tell my daughter to stop shopping so much?
- Thread starter masonhall73
- Start date
ajrwdwgirl
Premium Member
It’s easy for me to say because I don’t have to tell her.... but if she is an adult have some tough love. Stop giving her money. She will learn to budget her money one way or another. By giving her money you just enable her behavior.
TwilightZone
Well-Known Member
Does she have a job of her own? If not, stop giving her money and persuade her to find a job.
StarWarsGirl
Well-Known Member
The more I reread your original post, the more I'm like:
"Confront your daughter about the problem?" You're not going to confront her about it, unless you want to ruin your relationship with her. You're going to talk to another adult (because she's your child, not a child, and there is a difference) who doesn't have a lot of life experience about how to wisely spend money. She's not doing anything morally wrong or criminal; she just is inexperienced and needs guidance.
Please don't ask your sister to do it because good grief, that's not her responsibility, and this is still your daughter, not your sister's. You also shouldn't expect your wife to be the sole person to talk to your daughter about important things that come up. You have to figure out how to have an adult relationship with your daughter and not expect your wife to do it for you. Yes she is an adult, but us girls still need our dads, even when we're adults.
First: teach her how to manage money. I was fortunate in that I was a business major and my professors worked in personal finance with their classes. But goodness, high school doesn't teach you necessary things like how to manage money or what a credit score is or pay your taxes. Telling your daughter to manage her money properly without telling her how is like having a teen get in a car and expecting them to know how to drive it on day 1. You need to kindly teach her how to manage her money, just like you taught her how to drive or do everything else in life.
Next: stop giving your daughter money. When I was in college, my parents bought me things that I needed (I had one of their credit cards). Tanks of gas, clothing, school supplies, etc. I never had to ask them for cash. If I made a purchase with their credit card because I didn't have cash on me, I reimbursed them. Now that I'm an adult, I pay for basically all of my expenses, though I still live with them and they don't charge me rent because they know I'm saving money, and it's an arrangement we're comfortable with. So that's the number one thing: if there's something your daughter needs and you're comfortable buying it for her fine. But cash, stop, right now. If she refuses your offer to help her look at her finances, the cash still needs to stop.
Also, you're going to have to respect that you may not always agree with how she spends her money, even after you do teach her how to manage her finances. I manage my money well enough that I'm ready to buy a new car before long; my dad still doesn't agree with all the ways I choose, or choose not, to spend my money. He'll voice his opinion, but once I've made up my mind, he knows that's the end of the discussion. That's very key.
"Confront your daughter about the problem?" You're not going to confront her about it, unless you want to ruin your relationship with her. You're going to talk to another adult (because she's your child, not a child, and there is a difference) who doesn't have a lot of life experience about how to wisely spend money. She's not doing anything morally wrong or criminal; she just is inexperienced and needs guidance.
Please don't ask your sister to do it because good grief, that's not her responsibility, and this is still your daughter, not your sister's. You also shouldn't expect your wife to be the sole person to talk to your daughter about important things that come up. You have to figure out how to have an adult relationship with your daughter and not expect your wife to do it for you. Yes she is an adult, but us girls still need our dads, even when we're adults.
First: teach her how to manage money. I was fortunate in that I was a business major and my professors worked in personal finance with their classes. But goodness, high school doesn't teach you necessary things like how to manage money or what a credit score is or pay your taxes. Telling your daughter to manage her money properly without telling her how is like having a teen get in a car and expecting them to know how to drive it on day 1. You need to kindly teach her how to manage her money, just like you taught her how to drive or do everything else in life.
Next: stop giving your daughter money. When I was in college, my parents bought me things that I needed (I had one of their credit cards). Tanks of gas, clothing, school supplies, etc. I never had to ask them for cash. If I made a purchase with their credit card because I didn't have cash on me, I reimbursed them. Now that I'm an adult, I pay for basically all of my expenses, though I still live with them and they don't charge me rent because they know I'm saving money, and it's an arrangement we're comfortable with. So that's the number one thing: if there's something your daughter needs and you're comfortable buying it for her fine. But cash, stop, right now. If she refuses your offer to help her look at her finances, the cash still needs to stop.
Also, you're going to have to respect that you may not always agree with how she spends her money, even after you do teach her how to manage her finances. I manage my money well enough that I'm ready to buy a new car before long; my dad still doesn't agree with all the ways I choose, or choose not, to spend my money. He'll voice his opinion, but once I've made up my mind, he knows that's the end of the discussion. That's very key.
mousehockey37
Well-Known Member
There are some interesting thoughts here, and I'll say that there are a 1,001 ways to deal with this.
I'd find a couple of budget tracking apps or heck, if you're good with it and have it, make a Quicken spreadsheet (or just something in Excel even) or even just a checkbook transaction register and have her track her expenses . Start working with her and if she needs to borrow money (asks for extra), treat it like the "bank of dad". If she goes over her "limit" and she has to borrow more from you, then the next time she has to pay you back what she borrowed before she can spend what she brought home. So kinda like a dad "overdraft" fee. This could be seen as somewhat harsh, but hey, if you're not dealing with real bank overdrafts and such, it's easier to learn that "lesson" at home.
Another thing you could do, and this one's a little iffy, is to actually have her sit down with you and your wife and literally go over the bills and how YOU budget your money. Yes, kids don't need to know those numbers, but if she's old enough to learn to budget, she's old enough to start seeing her parents in action with it. If you're concerned she might tell others about what you're making and where the money goes, then obviously, don't do this, it was just a suggestion.
Does she use a debit card? Cash? If the prior, switch her to the latter. Once the green is gone, that's it, and then through YOU, you could even set up a savings account (through the bank of dad) that would put some of her money away for her (and she could borrow against it in the future... or it's for college, car, whatnot).
I think this could all be fairly easy, you just need to get your wife on board with it and make this into something that isn't attacking her spending habits, but making a game of being responsible with her money.
I'd find a couple of budget tracking apps or heck, if you're good with it and have it, make a Quicken spreadsheet (or just something in Excel even) or even just a checkbook transaction register and have her track her expenses . Start working with her and if she needs to borrow money (asks for extra), treat it like the "bank of dad". If she goes over her "limit" and she has to borrow more from you, then the next time she has to pay you back what she borrowed before she can spend what she brought home. So kinda like a dad "overdraft" fee. This could be seen as somewhat harsh, but hey, if you're not dealing with real bank overdrafts and such, it's easier to learn that "lesson" at home.
Another thing you could do, and this one's a little iffy, is to actually have her sit down with you and your wife and literally go over the bills and how YOU budget your money. Yes, kids don't need to know those numbers, but if she's old enough to learn to budget, she's old enough to start seeing her parents in action with it. If you're concerned she might tell others about what you're making and where the money goes, then obviously, don't do this, it was just a suggestion.
Does she use a debit card? Cash? If the prior, switch her to the latter. Once the green is gone, that's it, and then through YOU, you could even set up a savings account (through the bank of dad) that would put some of her money away for her (and she could borrow against it in the future... or it's for college, car, whatnot).
I think this could all be fairly easy, you just need to get your wife on board with it and make this into something that isn't attacking her spending habits, but making a game of being responsible with her money.
NeedMoreMickey
Well-Known Member
StarWarsGirl and mousehockey3 have some great ideas. Your daughter needs to learn how to manage her finances. Just stop giving her money is not the answer because you would have done that already, you also need to learn that she can do it and be fine. My husband’s youngest brother was constantly getting money from his mom for life choice items like he wanted a new car not needed a new car or a 4 bedroom house instead of the 3 bedroom one he could afford. He was 45 when his mom died and the older siblings now control the money cut him off. He has never learned to live with what he can afford.
