Hello gang! Today’s rsoxguy helpful thread involves the delicate art of communication. I realize that most of you are out-of-State residents. Yea, many of you are out-of-country residents. Those of you who are not United Statesers (a term that our Canadian friends prefer that we use, since they like to remind us that we’re all “Americans” on this side of the Pond) probably brush up on this Nation’s speech dialects before visiting in order to avoid asking a burly mechanic to look under your bonnet, only to receive a painful beating. The problem for Northerners and foreigners alike lies in the fact that we Floridians have our own way of defining the things that often share a common definition within the dictionaries of non-Floridians. Hence, my sacrificial and giving nature has led me to share some of the linguistic marvels and secrets that come with an official membership card to the Florida Residents Club (available at local car wash outlets).
Tourist: That which keeps the State of Florida’s grubby paws off of our paychecks. Keeping Florida’s coffers full with out-of-State discretionary spending helps us to avoid a State income tax.
Hot: The condition centered around that delicate time spent walking between the front door of our air conditioned homes and the inside of our air conditioned automobiles. This also applies to the workplace entrance and retail outlet doors. Otherwise, the temperature set on a thermostat is just fine. Really.
Formal Wear: This term can be used anytime that we’re donning clean shorts and shirts at a restaurant with footwear other than sandals. Dressier stuff? We reserve it for caskets.
Stop Sign: Anything that requires a brief yield before continuing to press the accelerator pedal while driving.
Sporting Event: Something attended when the thousands of recreational activities are cancelled simultaneously on any given day.
Local Sports Fan: Someone who bought an official team shirt on a whim at Target or Penney’s and wears it because it matches a given outfit.
Handgun Restriction: Having both hands full of fudge. Really gooey stuff when it’s been sitting on the car dashboard for a few minutes.
Florida: Anywhere south of Daytona. The rest is just “up North” somewhere. We’re not really sure of the details.
The Sunshine State: Arizona.
Christmas Decorations: An annual tribute to our former home states in which we pretend that our houses have lighted icicles hanging from the trim and our front lawns are able to facilitate cold Wintry scenes that include snowmen. Oh, and we're careful to hydrate properly while trimming the palm trees and complaining that's it's too hot to get the stuff out of the attic. If we really wanted to represent a Florida Winter during the holiday season, we would just place caricatures on the front yard of visiting relatives who come down to escape the cold while wearing really tacky "tropical style" clothes. Yeah.
Historic Home: Something built before 1960 that once housed a white collar criminal.
Job: Where we go because our employer noticed that we came back from our last sick day really tan.
Late: Arriving a full day after we were scheduled.
Lawn: Non dirt. Northerners generally pull out the stuff that we grow in our front yards.
Well, that's about it for now. A simple "thank you" in reply will suffice. Honest.
Tourist: That which keeps the State of Florida’s grubby paws off of our paychecks. Keeping Florida’s coffers full with out-of-State discretionary spending helps us to avoid a State income tax.
Hot: The condition centered around that delicate time spent walking between the front door of our air conditioned homes and the inside of our air conditioned automobiles. This also applies to the workplace entrance and retail outlet doors. Otherwise, the temperature set on a thermostat is just fine. Really.
Formal Wear: This term can be used anytime that we’re donning clean shorts and shirts at a restaurant with footwear other than sandals. Dressier stuff? We reserve it for caskets.
Stop Sign: Anything that requires a brief yield before continuing to press the accelerator pedal while driving.
Sporting Event: Something attended when the thousands of recreational activities are cancelled simultaneously on any given day.
Local Sports Fan: Someone who bought an official team shirt on a whim at Target or Penney’s and wears it because it matches a given outfit.
Handgun Restriction: Having both hands full of fudge. Really gooey stuff when it’s been sitting on the car dashboard for a few minutes.
Florida: Anywhere south of Daytona. The rest is just “up North” somewhere. We’re not really sure of the details.
The Sunshine State: Arizona.
Christmas Decorations: An annual tribute to our former home states in which we pretend that our houses have lighted icicles hanging from the trim and our front lawns are able to facilitate cold Wintry scenes that include snowmen. Oh, and we're careful to hydrate properly while trimming the palm trees and complaining that's it's too hot to get the stuff out of the attic. If we really wanted to represent a Florida Winter during the holiday season, we would just place caricatures on the front yard of visiting relatives who come down to escape the cold while wearing really tacky "tropical style" clothes. Yeah.
Historic Home: Something built before 1960 that once housed a white collar criminal.
Job: Where we go because our employer noticed that we came back from our last sick day really tan.
Late: Arriving a full day after we were scheduled.
Lawn: Non dirt. Northerners generally pull out the stuff that we grow in our front yards.
Well, that's about it for now. A simple "thank you" in reply will suffice. Honest.
