Bar Mitzvah Help

[Yellow Shoes]

We are going to a Bar Mitzvah on Saturday.

I'm not Jewish, and don't want to make a faux pas .

We are planning on giving cash as a gift, because I really don't know the honoree that well (I am friends with his mother).

Somewhere I remember reading that if cash is given, the amount needs to be a multiple of 9, i.e., $54 instead of $50.

Has anyone else heard this?

Thanks!!

 

[Camelot]

WHen I was invited to a Bar Mitzvah for the first time last year, I tried to research if there is a traditional Bar Mitzvah gift, and couldn't find any info on anything specific. I ended up buying a very nice pen set, which I felt symbolized the boys entrance into adulthood. His parents really liked it and I hope so did their son.

Perhaps you could contact a local synagogue in your area and inquire about the cash in multiples of 9?

 

[Coronado]

bring one of those honeybaked hams.:lol:

 

[mwitkus]

first - let me start by saying "please forgive my spelling errors!!!"

i am not jewish either but i've been to several bar mitzvahs and have to say that i have never heard of this "multiple of 9's" rule... the boys i went for i was very close to so i got them each a camera (they both wanted one) and another $100..... again, i am very close to them and have been a major part of theirs lives since they were in diapers (they were both in my wedding) so this is not what you have to give... just what i did...

i'm sure nobody would be offended if you didn't follow the "multiples of 9" rule - if it is even a rule - they have to understand that you don't follow the same traditions and don't know them well..

the one thing i was warned on was to be sure to be dressed appropriately for the temple - not that i don't always dress appropriately, but apparently it is not wise for women to show a lot of skin - be it low cleavage or not wear pantyhose or a really short skirt and definitely not shorts.... that may just be the temple that i was at... also - men must wear a yamaka (forgive the spelling errors) while inside the temple/sinagogue...

i'm sure everything will work out fine.... you can always ask your friend as well - i'm sure she will understand and appreciate your concern...

good luck and have fun...

 

[Coronado]

Believe me... money is what the young man wants.....I was only at one... I enjoyed it very much.... he was the son of another teacher at my school... he was also one of my students....I was sititing in the pew and looked down the line.... Southern Baptist, Methodust, Catholic, Greek Orthodox, and some that just didn't have a religion.......but we all had one thing in common.... we were honoring a fellow teacher, and a student.... your presence at this important event is the most important thing to the family. there are no faux pas... unless you take my previous advice about the ham......go have un and remember the dance steps are all in 7/8 time....:animwink:

 

[Bagheera]

I guess I should weigh in as the resident Jew here.

Cash in any denomination is welcome. While at my Bar Mitzvah (mumbledy-mumble years ago) I received some gifts in multiples of 18 (more on that later), but most were round numbers. $50, $100, $200. (My neighborhood was fairly well-to-do.) Merchandise gifts are usually rare, but sometimes seen. The traditional merchandise gift used to be a fountain pen. (Why? I'm not sure. It originated before my time, but the traditional Bar Mitzvah speech joke would be to begin with "Today, I am a fountain pen.")

The story with gifts in multiples of $18:

The Hebrew word for life is "chai", which consists of the letters chet and yud. (Note: those use the hard "ch" sound.) Hebrew numbers are also sometimes written using the letter characters. Chet (8) and yud (10) are "18". So, by giving a gift of 18, you are giving a gift of life. While we frequently do this for life cycle events (most recently my brother's wedding), I have rarely, if ever, seen it done by non-Jews.

Just give what you would normally give, and it'll be fine.

Of course, I'll temper the above advice along with the "all men must wear yarmulkes" and women's dress code advice from mwitkus by saying that every congregation is different and has its own rules. If it's an Orthodox congregation, then you might not even be able to sit with your spouse, as they segregate the sexes. If it's Conservative, you'll probably still have all men in yarmulkes and women will be conservatively dressed. Reform (NOT "reformed" -- it's an ongoing process) congregations tend to be much more liberal, and vary on the yarmulke requirements, though some congregations even request men not to wear them. Best bet on attire, if you're not sure, is to doublecheck with the inviting family. They'll (most likely) be glad that you are concerned about propriety.

As far as a gift goes, don't worry. Just round it off and give what you plan to give. If you want to round it off to a multiple of chai, go ahead, and you could even mention in the card something like "here's three chai to help celebrate this day" or something like that. I usually find some way to link the number of chai that I'm giving to the person or the event. Not always easy. Either way, don't sweat it.

I hope I didn't go on too long, and that this was helpful. If you've got any more questions, please ask.

Most importantly of all: Have fun!

 

[SpongeScott]

Bagheera--nice touch on the info! Thanks for enlightening me and I'm not even going!

 

[tiggerlover1971]

I am jewish and was about to respond about the multiples of 18 being good luck lol but not go into as much detail as Bagheera since i am not that informed of it( my dad knew everything ) I got alot of 54 dollars checks from the jewish people at my wedding while Richards side does a different tradition they pin money to you ( it happens i guess in his neck of the woods in louisiana to dance with you )I guess that is their tradition for good luck*note*
Richard was only worth 20 dollars I was worth 50 lol ( they also say its to help with the honey moom )

 

[Yellow Shoes]

Thank you all so much for your responses.

I just knew the wdwmagic community could (and would!) help me.

$54 it is, then.

I will be the most enlightened Gentile there.

Thanks again.

 

[isnet396]

Having been bar-mitzvah'd like, er, 2 years ago or something....Anything goes, as long as its cash...its "traditional" to give multiples of $18 (somehow this translates to "good life and such")...although anything is certainly acceptable.

Ian