The pains of Band Parenthood with Disney Millennial

[KrzyKtty]

So I am a band momma, who really really wants to take my kids to MNSSHP next year; We haven't been in 11 years due to school. I am finally at the point where I want to say to hell with it, one day of missed school won't kill the kids. His band has a really really strict attendance policy though. But I'm still going to try to steal him on a Friday for a quick Disney weekend. Go to the party, ride Tron for the first time, and maybe catch the Food and Wine festival for the first time.

The trick will be to plan all this under the nose of his band director LOL. Anyone else do something like this? Not looking to make it a huge trip, but I really want my kids to experience it again. It was one of the best memories we have.

 

[JIMINYCR]

We took DS out of school for Dis trips many times, His teachers for the most part worked with us because he was an excellent student and his grades were top and he could catch up easily. It was worth the prepping lessons and setting aside time for him to do some studies and work during the day. They had strict rules as well about going on trips and pulling kids out, but we had good relationships with the teachers and they knew we had other reasons why these times of the year were our only times to go away as a family.
Your circumstance is different because its not just school work but that of the Band leader and strict requirements. Getting a place on the band team he must have knowledge of the rules so you are taking a chance. I'd question what the ramifications and penalties would be by not only going outside of the rules but by going behind his back. How vindictive will the band leader be? You know that the secret will get out no matter how quiet you try to be and it will get back to the leader that you went to WDW. Is there any way you could beg, plead, reason with the band leader and get his permission to take this one day?
I fully understand your desire to go but is it going to put your son in peril to satisfy your desire to go now and not another year when theres no conflict.

 

[doc_holiday3500]

I’m saying this as a teacher and vice principal for what that’s worth but I think that time together as a family and being a kid is important. I’ve never been upset with a parent who is taking time for something like this. Do what you need to make the trip work and have fun!

 

[Chi84]

Whatever you do, don’t try to get away with something “under the nose” of the band director. Make a decision, do it aboveboard and take the consequences.

 

[nickys]

Have you asked your DS what he wants to do? He might say he’d rather stay at home. He’s the one who will face the consequences, how does he feel about it? Is there a precedent for being kicked out of the band etc?

 

[NelleBelle]

We used to pull our kids out of school, generally in Oct. to go to WDW. Our kids went to a small private school and all the teachers were awesome about getting the work the boys would miss ahead of time. The boys would generally get their work done while we were waiting in the airport/on the plane (5+ hr flight). If they still had work, they'd do while waiting in queues or in restaurants. The school staff totally understood our need to take a family trip every year and that due to my work restrictions (due to hospital policy, only one therapist out of 60+ could be off during "trauma season") really worked with us.

Now, when my oldest DS got to 8th grade, he told us he didn't want to miss anymore school for vacations. And high school was essentially too hard as he'd miss science labs that were difficult to make up. I did take my youngest to Italy this past spring break with his former high school (we'd signed up for the school trip before we moved to Hawaii). His current school was excellent about accommodating his nearly 3-week absence from school. And even tough he is an excellent student, he still had a rough time making up all of his work (he got it done, but was certainly not easy like it was back in the day).

I understand that comparing one day of missed school to my DS's 3-week trip is apples to oranges. I would absolutely discuss your plans with the band director/school. And if the director is not receptive, go to a MNSSHP in August before school starts next year. But definitely ask your son how he feels about missing class. I've resigned myself that if I want to go to MNSSHP, I'll have to wait until youngest is in college next year and go in Aug or go with my mom and leave the kids behind until they're able to go again after college.

 

[KrzyKtty]

Have you asked your DS what he wants to do? He might say he’d rather stay at home. He’s the one who will face the consequences, how does he feel about it? Is there a precedent for being kicked out of the band etc?

They are really really strict about it, and I get why. But I do find the band director is pretty nice too. I don't want him to be kicked out, but honestly, he isn't in band because he loves it. He is in band because he feels obligated to his friends and his director. He would rather no doing it most days because he doesn't like loosing the last 4 weeks of summer break, and staying to school until 7:30 every night, and losing every Friday to football games, and every Saturday to competitions from August through October. It is hard for a 15 year old who isn't used to this type of dedication.

 

[KrzyKtty]

Whatever you do, don’t try to get away with something “under the nose” of the band director. Make a decision, do it aboveboard and take the consequences.

I just. I would honestly tell her what is going on and hope that she would make an exception for this one time.

 

[KrzyKtty]

We took DS out of school for Dis trips many times, His teachers for the most part worked with us because he was an excellent student and his grades were top and he could catch up easily. It was worth the prepping lessons and setting aside time for him to do some studies and work during the day. They had strict rules as well about going on trips and pulling kids out, but we had good relationships with the teachers and they knew we had other reasons why these times of the year were our only times to go away as a family.
Your circumstance is different because its not just school work but that of the Band leader and strict requirements. Getting a place on the band team he must have knowledge of the rules so you are taking a chance. I'd question what the ramifications and penalties would be by not only going outside of the rules but by going behind his back. How vindictive will the band leader be? You know that the secret will get out no matter how quiet you try to be and it will get back to the leader that you went to WDW. Is there any way you could beg, plead, reason with the band leader and get his permission to take this one day?
I fully understand your desire to go but is it going to put your son in peril to satisfy your desire to go now and not another year when theres no conflict.

There won't be a year without conflict for another 3 years, if he stays in band that long. He honestly doesn't seem to like band, but feels he can't drop out due to pressure from his friends and director. Honestly, it is a lot for a 15 year old. That being said, I wouldn't really try to hide it from his director. I would hope that if I explain the circumstances, she will be kind about it, since it is only one day. If not, and she kicks him out, then that gives my son the out he wants anyway.

As far as school, I stand a good chance that if we go to that first Friday MNSSHP, then it will be the last Friday before school starts and he will missing nothing there.

 

[KrzyKtty]

We used to pull our kids out of school, generally in Oct. to go to WDW. Our kids went to a small private school and all the teachers were awesome about getting the work the boys would miss ahead of time. The boys would generally get their work done while we were waiting in the airport/on the plane (5+ hr flight). If they still had work, they'd do while waiting in queues or in restaurants. The school staff totally understood our need to take a family trip every year and that due to my work restrictions (due to hospital policy, only one therapist out of 60+ could be off during "trauma season") really worked with us.

Now, when my oldest DS got to 8th grade, he told us he didn't want to miss anymore school for vacations. And high school was essentially too hard as he'd miss science labs that were difficult to make up. I did take my youngest to Italy this past spring break with his former high school (we'd signed up for the school trip before we moved to Hawaii). His current school was excellent about accommodating his nearly 3-week absence from school. And even tough he is an excellent student, he still had a rough time making up all of his work (he got it done, but was certainly not easy like it was back in the day).

I understand that comparing one day of missed school to my DS's 3-week trip is apples to oranges. I would absolutely discuss your plans with the band director/school. And if the director is not receptive, go to a MNSSHP in August before school starts next year. But definitely ask your son how he feels about missing class. I've resigned myself that if I want to go to MNSSHP, I'll have to wait until youngest is in college next year and go in Aug or go with my mom and leave the kids behind until they're able to go again after college.

Band starts at the end of July for him, he misses on the last month of Summer break every year, which is what makes this hard. I would be honest with the director though.

 

[KrzyKtty]

Band probably won't be that hard after all. For as crazy of the rules are written for attendance, my Son says at least a few kids are missing every practice for one reason or another. So as long as we give warning, it should be ok.

Now I have to figure out where to stay!

 

[NickMaio]

I’m saying this as a teacher and vice principal for what that’s worth but I think that time together as a family and being a kid is important. I’ve never been upset with a parent who is taking time for something like this. Do what you need to make the trip work and have fun!

As a fellow educator........
This is the best post all year.

All school teachers and admin should follow this lead.

 

[KTK]

Another opinion is if you are only going to have him miss one day of school, say he is sick and send an excuse online, case closed. Technically if he isn't in school for a day, then he cannot participate in all after school sponsored activities for that day. Schools around us allow parents to write their own excuses for under 3 consecutive missed days due to illness as long as the student hasn't missed too many days already.

 

[Chi84]

Another opinion is if you are only going to have him miss one day of school, say he is sick and send an excuse online, case closed. Technically if he isn't in school for a day, then he cannot participate in all after school sponsored activities for that day. Schools around us allow parents to write their own excuses for under 3 consecutive missed days due to illness as long as the student hasn't missed too many days already.

OP already said they intend to be honest.

 

[kimberlymautz]

I would email the band director as soon as your trip is planned and let you know of son missing band those days. I can understand a band director needing to be strict however if you give them plenty of notice there's no reason they won't be accommodating. I didn't give my kids' schools the option to turn down our trip. I advised them we were going and what dates they would be missing. We don't often take the kids out of school or their extracurriculars however for our Disney trip this year we are. Assignments can be made up or sent with us so they can work on them on the plane/during down time however family time is just as important as school or band or any other activity.

 

[Colonel Angus]

I was a part of a pretty militant marching band program when I was in high school. Sometimes a kid would miss a competition and you just deal with it. I think so long as they're not missing a comp. it should be fine. Maybe ask your kid how they feel about too because if they are at a point where they're still learning drill and music, it could be difficult to catch back up. Though, one day may not make a difference. If they've got the field show on lock and you're missing a home football game, who gives a ?? Live life, be a family, have fun. 25 years later missing a day of drumline is not something that I can honestly say affects me now, if ever.

 

[Colonel Angus]

There won't be a year without conflict for another 3 years, if he stays in band that long. He honestly doesn't seem to like band, but feels he can't drop out due to pressure from his friends and director. Honestly, it is a lot for a 15 year old. That being said, I wouldn't really try to hide it from his director. I would hope that if I explain the circumstances, she will be kind about it, since it is only one day. If not, and she kicks him out, then that gives my son the out he wants anyway.

As far as school, I stand a good chance that if we go to that first Friday MNSSHP, then it will be the last Friday before school starts and he will missing nothing there.

I was young when I started high school (graduated at 17). I was in marching band, drumline, jazz band, concert band, and percussion ensembles. It was the hardest I've ever worked in my entire life. All of August in the sun 8+ hours a day because drumline had to learn the drill and music before the band did. 2nd semester 4 days a week drumline show rehearsal until 6:30pm. Traveling overnight on a bus after a weekend long competition because they wouldn't shell out for a hotel. Driving 7 hours to Nor Cal, rehearsing a couple hours, sleeping on the floor where we rehearsed with security lights that didn't turn off and no showers to compete the next day. And so much more but... it was worth it. I am still friends with many people from band all these years later. I was taught how to work hard and endure tough situations, I learned social dynamics and independence (to a degree). it was so much more than just playing music which was what I loved. Yeah, it is a lot for 15 year old or even someone much older but you have to power through stuff like this in life to thrive later on. That's my opinion and obviously I do not know you, your kiddo, or the situation but I'd hate to see someone quit like that, it makes me sad.

 

[KrzyKtty]

I was young when I started high school (graduated at 17). I was in marching band, drumline, jazz band, concert band, and percussion ensembles. It was the hardest I've ever worked in my entire life. All of August in the sun 8+ hours a day because drumline had to learn the drill and music before the band did. 2nd semester 4 days a week drumline show rehearsal until 6:30pm. Traveling overnight on a bus after a weekend long competition because they wouldn't shell out for a hotel. Driving 7 hours to Nor Cal, rehearsing a couple hours, sleeping on the floor where we rehearsed with security lights that didn't turn off and no showers to compete the next day. And so much more but... it was worth it. I am still friends with many people from band all these years later. I was taught how to work hard and endure tough situations, I learned social dynamics and independence (to a degree). it was so much more than just playing music which was what I loved. Yeah, it is a lot for 15 year old or even someone much older but you have to power through stuff like this in life to thrive later on. That's my opinion and obviously I do not know you, your kiddo, or the situation but I'd hate to see someone quit like that, it makes me sad.

We have seen so much growth in him in just these last few months, compared to the last few years due to band. I am really hoping he will stick with it as well because he is pretty good.

And I was told by him and his friends, that it's not uncommon for someone to miss a day here or there. So there should be no problems trying to steal him for just one day before school to go to Disney.

 

[KrzyKtty]

Update.

Band director has no problem at all, but now the school district is trying to start the school 2 weeks earlier than they have in 20 years.

So at this point we are probably going to go anyway and just take them out of school for 2 days. Even in 10th and 6th grade, don't think they will miss a whole lot after only 5 days of school.

 

[JIMINYCR]

Agree. There’s less disruption to lessons and loss of learning at the beginning of the school year than there would be mid term or later. In a lot of classes getting through the first week when they are just settling into the course material you’re not getting so absorbed into the subject that you can’t catch up.
Have a great time without worries of how it’s going to affects your sons status.