Taking a child that's not my own ... What do I do?

[Mia319]

First, for a little background info: my group and i have been going together to wdw for the past 3 years (ages: 18F, 18M, 23M, and i'm a 25F). And this year my 9 year old niece wants to come with. At first, i was thinking oh sure, as long as her mom and dad say yes, then fine with me... well, the more i have been thinking about it, the more i am starting to worry... i mean having a 9 year old for a full week 1200 miles away from her mom and dad is a huge responsibility. so, i've made a list of pro's and con's that i have come up with so far and i was hoping that you guys could help me out / give me some advice and help me try to figure out if i should take her with us, or break her heart and tell her no.

Pro's:
- This will be a great trip for her to take... my boyfriend's aunt and uncle took him when he was 10, and that is when his love for disney began.
- i want her memory of this christmas / new years to be great, because last christmas our grandmother passed away, and even i don't want to remember christmas like that.
- There will be four of us adults there to watch her / help take the strain off if she starts to get tired or cranky.

Con's:
- we have an 18-hour drive in the middle of winter to get to wdw.
- what if she gets sick on the trip?
- i am EXTREMELY cautious / paranoid and am worried to even let her out of my sight while we are at wdw... i don't want anything happening to her. i feel i am probably over exaggerating, but i'm worried that i might not have a good time cause i'll be stressed out about having to constantly keep track of her.

Am i being selfish or over paranoid if i tell her no? Am i taking on more than i can handle if i tell her yes? AGH! OH, i don't know... please help!

:veryconfu

 

[col]

i really do understand what your saying: do you want a child with you on your trip. if i was to take a child with me i dont think i would be able to relax i would always be thinking what if some thing happens or what if he/she gets sick?

if i was to take a child with (im a big kid at heart) i would take him on all the rides that he could go on and it wouldnt matter to me if i missed out on the rides that i wanted to go on coz i could always put him in disney daycare for a couple of hours.

this sounds mean but i would take her some other time beacuse then she would be able to go on the more wilder rides and plus if you dont take a child you can visit where ever you want. it sounds harsh but ive worked with children for a long time and ive seen how they behave and its all god and that saying shell behave but what if she cant get what she wants and she starts causing a scene and starts kicking off in front of people from not getting her own way, i mean my sister do that when we went together (never again) and she was 17 at the time thats why i left her to do what she wanted and i went the parks coz all she did was lie in bed and watch the tv or she visited the parks but mainly she stayed in bed. while in disneyworld!

 

[Robfasto]

We have taken a could of our children's friends over the years and have never had a problem with them getting sick or getting home sick.

One thing I can recommend is to get a notarized letter stating that you have the right to take the child to the hospital and also remember to take their insurance card. That way in case of emergency you have a legal right to take the child to the hospital and have treatment.

 

[DisneyMissy]

I don't have children of my own. This past March we took our 7 year old niece and I was worried to but the look on her face and the excitement in her eyes made me glad I brought her along. I will say it was a little harder on me having a 7 year old for 9 days straight since I am not use to dealing with children for that long of a period but it all turned out ok.

 

[LesaGirlWalton]

As the proud mom of three beautiful, well behaved children I have to reply.

For what length of time have you kept this child in the past? Does she do well waiting in lines, not eating the very minute she is hungry, being away from her parents, etc??? What time does she normally go to bed and what time does she get up? How is her schedule different from the 4 of your schedules? How do the other three people in your party feel about her going?

We haven't yet been to Disney but just a few minutes reading this board and the Unoffial Guide book let me know immediately that planned rests are needed. Reservations and time lines and game plans etc are also needed. I would think that the plans I am making to accomodate three kids will certainly be much different from those who are making plans for 3 teenagers.

Short answer just from a mom..........

Stick to your original plan. Perhaps if time/money allow you will be able to take her by yourself some time or even better, maybe her parents will agree to go during your next planned vacation.

Best of luck in your decision.

 

[Mia319]

We have taken a could of our children's friends over the years and have never had a problem with them getting sick or getting home sick.

One thing I can recommend is to get a notarized letter stating that you have the right to take the child to the hospital and also remember to take their insurance card. That way in case of emergency you have a legal right to take the child to the hospital and have treatment.

That is a very good suggestion... i was wondering what would happen if i needed to take her to the urgent care or something.

 

[Dwarful]

How close are you to your niece? How well does she know the other members of your party? Will she feel alright being the only child in the group? I wouldn't let "what ifs" make the decision for you.

We have been to Disney more times than I can count. We have two daughters of our own and have been bringing our "other daughter" (niece) since she was 5 years old and she has asthma. She has handled the 1,000+ miles (each way) car trips and gone on the airplanes with us when we gotten good deals. This last time we brought along the notary paper, her insurance card and her school I.D. (for airline purposes).

Are you all the same type of tourists? Our kids are all used to getting up and hitting the parks, going to eride nights (or magical days etc). Some kids may still need breaks if they aren't used to long days etc. Goodluck however you decide to go.

 

[MrBearr]

My 2 cents worth

We (my wife and I) just got back from our trip in Sept. with our grandson and my daughter. This was just short of a trip from hell. The grandson was 4 1/2 years old and we have a tradition of taking a grandchild when they get to that age. He was the 3rd in his family, I know the child in your potential trip is older, but I am sharing my experience. He was for the most part always had his older sister to play with, and since he was going to DW without his siblings, he was not used to grownups. He was during the first half of the trip always in a "tude" or throwing a tantrum. We figured it out that he always had one of his sisters along as a playmate plus his parents basically rather than deal with discipling him, just gave him what he always wanted. (including bad eating habits, staying up late (midnite) etc.
so it was a bit of a stretch for us to have to get him to realize that he had to make some choices and that these choices had consequences. On top of this, we had my daughter from my first marriage ( I had not been able to see her for several years till she just recently turned 18) and my daughters relationship between me and her was touch and go. My daughter still has issues with me re-marrying and I was at first against the idea and my wife convinced me that this was a good chance for my daughter and I to re-connect. It was in this case, it was more like ice with my daughter and wife. (thats a whole different post). During the previous weeks before the trip, I kept talking to my daughter about various things, and kept "warning" her this was not just a trip to DW with her and her Dad, but with a grandson and my wife. But less I digress, the end lesson we got from taking our grandson, is make sure you have developed a good strong relationship with the child, try having the child over for a couple of weekends, (test run so to speak) to see how you and the child interact. Watch for signs of homesick ( imagine that, a child getting homesick while at DW?) If you see signs of potential problems, as I thought we might, if you can afford it, bring a sibling or a friend of the child along for company. I think I read that you are driving, a vehicle dvd player or alot of travel games will help. We flew, but I had my laptop which plays dvds and some Disney movies he liked and headphones did make the trip go well and he felt special. Also make sure you have a medical history (shots, alergies, etc) and a release from the child's parents for emergency medical treatment.

Good luck, I don't want to scare you, but thought I'd give you some of my experience

 

[GenerationX]

Your touring will be much different. 18-25 year olds go at a different pace and like different attractions than a 9 year old does. If none of your companions have children of their own, they are not used to the constant supervision required. If you decide to do it, and you're the person primarily responsible for your niece, plan on being with her at all times. It's unlikely they'll "babysit" more than an hour a day.

On the plus side, everyone may enjoy touring with someone who will probably be wildly enthusiastic the whole time.

 

[mousermerf]

Everytime i see this thread i think:

"Trade her in at 'small world' for a quick fifty bucks."

 

[Mia319]

How close are you to your niece? How well does she know the other members of your party? Will she feel alright being the only child in the group? I wouldn't let "what ifs" make the decision for you.

We have been to Disney more times than I can count. We have two daughters of our own and have been bringing our "other daughter" (niece) since she was 5 years old and she has asthma. She has handled the 1,000+ miles (each way) car trips and gone on the airplanes with us when we gotten good deals. This last time we brought along the notary paper, her insurance card and her school I.D. (for airline purposes).

Are you all the same type of tourists? Our kids are all used to getting up and hitting the parks, going to eride nights (or magical days etc). Some kids may still need breaks if they aren't used to long days etc. Goodluck however you decide to go.

All of us in our group are actually really close with my niece. we have sleepovers all the time! i'm not too worried about her riding the rides and such in the parks, actually i'm more of a scardy cat then she is. That makes me feel good what you said about taking your niece... and you're right, i can't make my decision on what ifs... i knew i was being too paranoid.

 

[mousermerf]

An idea -

Try a day out with her. Do the mall, a movie, etc... See how long she lasts.

 

[Hakunamatata]

I first thought this thread was requesting tips on kidnapping.... :lookaroun

 

[Wilt Dasney]

I first thought this thread was requesting tips on kidnapping.... :lookaroun

shoot...and I wanted to reply with "Give her back!"

 

[Yellow Shoes]

If everyone gets along well, your trip should be a good one.

With all due respect to MrBearr, it seems that the problems were more about strained relationships than the logistics of a child at WDW. (And I do feel the utmost sympathy for your rotten vacation--that just shouldn't happen at WDW!!)

My son, now 11, is one of those people who gets REALLY crabby when he is hungry or has to go to the bathroom. I made him PROMISE to tell me as soon as he had either of those needs. (I should have known, since discovered that most of my husband's family is this way. Those people simply CANNOT wait 20 minutes for a meal!) If your neice is like this, watch her carefully.

However, at age 9, she is able to tell you what she needs. Also, at this age, she is tall enough and probably fearless enough to ride anything. I would avoid anything late at night. You need to count on at least 2 hours from the time you get to the hotel until she finally gets into bed.

Touring style is probably where you'll run into the most problems. Most people 18-25 are not functional in the morning (my apologies if you are) and love late nights and late mornings. She may be an early bird.

My kids were never nappers (they all quit within a month of turning 2). Despite advice to take a nap so you can do EMH, most kids that age will not be able to sleep during the day. This may require some adjustment of any late night plans.

Have her mother pack any medicines she may need. Don't forget the Immodium. My kids always get so excited that they....well, let's just say that they need it.

Make sure she has a pack for her autograph book, camera, snacks, etc. Resist the temptation to drag along a huge backpack for her stuff.

Yesterday at Target I saw a large collection of hand-held games. If she doesn't have Game Boy, etc., get her Yahtzee, Hangman, etc. They are great for standing in lines.

Another idea: design some sort of game for the parks. I like to have kids collect photos of something specific.
all the food they eat
different costumes the CMs wear
wait time signs
etc.

IMHO, photos are simply the best souvenir. After you get home, perhaps you can have a girls' night in to make a scrapbook.

 

[SewIn2Disney]

Here's a website to check out:
http://allearsnet.com/btp/authors_sehl2.htm

Its a section on Allears.net that discusses bringing another child along.

 

[abe_bb]

Well, here are a few things... I knwo she is quite older then our five year old but, some tips and other things we found out (of course, this all without knowing her tempermant and all):

1 - Bathroom - Make sure she goes at least once an hour - It will solve most of the "Oh great I've waited 40 minutes in this line and now she needs to go" problems.

2 - Food - Make sure you know what she does and doesn't like, and look at teh menus of places to eat before you go. That way, you can avoid going into a place (even a Counter Service) only to hear "I don't like any of that..."

3 - Liquor - This one may be unnecessary, but it may be a hamper on the other people you go with. But if one or more of you like to normally drink on your trip (especially if you like to go to Pleasure Island or the bars at night), you may have to consider either skipping the clubs, and toning down the drinking. Not that you can't go to a bar that's family friendly (like when the piano guy is playing at POR!) and have a relaxer, of course. It jsut irked me when I saw a couple with a child no older then oru daughter, and they were clearly snookered.

4 - Emergencies - Like someone else said, make sure you have what you need to prove you are her temporary guardian. Here are some ideas:
A. Notorized letter from the parents, including their address and phone number
B. Insurance Card.
C. "Kids ID" - they do these at our local stores every now and then. It is a Photo ID with fingerprints of the child.
D. If needed, a medic-alert bracelet that has any allergies and such of the child.

5 - Personal Sanity - This is important, and may come into play after two or three days. Ask your friends if they would mind taking her for a couple of hours one day, just so you can go be alone for a while. Trust me - it is a necessity to get away for a while

6 - Personal DVD Player - One of the best inventions on Earth. They are decently priced (right around $100). Especially with an 18 hour drive, this will help keep her occupied. Also (in case it is needed), most double as a CD/MP3 Player.

 

[bigorangeandy]

I second the part about having a signed statement from the parents and the insurance card. We do that when we our kids visit the grandparents for a week during the summer (we don't get it notarized, but not a bad idea). After a long day in the parks my kids never had any problem getting to sleep, of course I was getting them up early each morning, its always easier to get up early when you are going to Disney each morning, to bad school days aren't like that.

 

[Nemo14]

You've been given a lot of good advice here, especially the parts about medical forms and DVD players. Just for the record, where are you planning to stay? Most of the all-star and moderate hotels only accomodate 4 people per room, except for POR I believe, so that is something you'll need to consider.
The other thing that worked for us when we were down to one-child trips, was allowing the child to invite a friend, not neccesarily for the whole trip. Or perhaps she'll know someone else who is going then too, so you could arrange a get-together for them or something.

 

[ZoesMom]

Forget it! Have an adult adventure!!

Have the kind of fun that people have when they don't have kids around.

Honestly, if you take her I think the trip will be all about her, and you'll end up playing parent instead of being young & fun (I imagine that single people are always flirting and dressing up, etc...)