Broken friendships? venting a bit

[daisyduckie]

Anyone else have this problem? Where people you were friends with, not close friends but friends, end up posting something you totally disagree with, and have it ruin the friendship?

Today I lost a friend, over a Superbowl commercial. I don't want to go into details, but she said something nasty, and I told her she was out of line. She then attacked me, and got really personal in doing so. Funny thing, part of the insult was "Shut up and go to Disney World again". And then continued on to how much education I have and commenting on where I live.

I know it is crazy and I am better off, but it still hurts. Partly because I have always thought of this person as really empathetic and tolerant of others, and her comment show that is no longer true. She came out and said she was being purposely mean to make me go away. Sigh.

 

[mouse_luv]

You are definitely better off without her. Some people don't get it, and are only thinking of themselves and their selfishness. I was about to say that she may have been under the influence if these comments from her seemed to come out of left field. (((@daisyduckie)))

 

[Minthorne]

Which commercial?

 

[champdisney]

I think it would be wise to just give her the silent treatment, at least until she apologizes. And on the day she tries reaching out to you just tell her "Sorry, I can't I'm having too much fun at Disney World.... AGAIN!"

 

[daisyduckie]

Which commercial?

The lumber company, the one that you had to go on line to see the end. My friend went off on a tangent without even bothering to go see what the ending was. I was surprised and a bit horrified by some of the comments coming from her.

 

[Goofyernmost]

Heck that happens in family as well. I have two daughters that are my life in the sense that they are part of me and I love them both dearly. In the recent, shall we say, national social upheaval, we found ourselves on different sides of the fence. Although I had a very tough time, and still don't, understanding her logic I just said to her that I disagree, but, she had a right to her opinion even if I didn't think it was the right one. We ended it on that, then I made a post on Facebook, announcing the death of her mother to people that we both knew, and she saw it and also at the same time saw my other posts that contradicted her stand on the original topic, but, she was not in the discussion, but, publicly called me out. Something I have never done to her in her life, publicly that is. She made the statement along with others things that I should go and talk with her and she would explain politics to me.

I was floored, this was my daughter, someone that I love and have protected and cared about every single moment of her life showing me absolutely no respect at all. Unlike with "just a friend", I cannot un-family her, not that I'd want to, but, I lost so much respect for her that I am actually torn about even visiting with her for fear that this subject will come up again. It is a terrible feeling. I never thought that I would ever feel that way about my own flesh and blood. I didn't always agree with every direction she has taken in life, but, I always knew that it was just her way of living her life. It never affected me like this did. But, then again, it was in line with the thing that she supported so I guess I should not have been surprised. So I am going to ignore it for now, and hope that the wedge doesn't get the gap to widen any further. I have two things left in life and it is my two girls... the thought of losing either one of them almost brings me to tears.

I didn't post this to one up you, I do identify to some degree with what you are going through, but, in your case given time, this will not be something that hurts. Separating yourself from someone that is so against the things that you believe in and then resorts to insults to drive their point home are not worth the effort it takes to feel bad.

 

[Sans Souci]

I have been scarce on FB lately. Tensions and emotions are stratospherically high. I have seen friendships combust post-election. I have never responded to or even liked a political post on FB, even if it is a position with which I agree. It's not worth the agita. I do keep an alternate account with a trusted circle of close friends that I use to engage in political discussions and follow various people without worrying about a diatribe from a friend or a family member. Some people might call this "being inauthentic," but I call it "keeping the peace."

If she said this deliberately "to make you go away," just cut your losses. You can't put squeezed tooth paste back into the tube. Don't focus on this loss, focus on the people in your life who are meaningful to you.

 

[daisyduckie]

Goofeyernmost--Thanks for sharing.

We all can't agree on politics, I totally get it. What hurts is that it instantly became a personal attack on me, as if by belittling me and my life choices somehow enhanced her point of view. I just don't get being that way.

 

[21stamps]

I had 3 people delete me from FB during the presidential campaign. My page was definitely not a spin zone, and I never post attacks on "the opposite side". 2 of the 3 were actually people that I've know for 15 years or more. They "couldn't understand my choices" and bc of my choices "no longer know who I am". It was crazy.

You can respect people even when you don't agree with them. If someone doesn't understand that then they aren't someone who needs to be a "friend" anyway. Sorry this happened to you.

 

[DisneyPrincess5]

@daisyduckie Im sorry to hear that. It's safe to say that most folks opinions and beliefs in whatever direction have impacted friendships and familyships with the changes within our country's political and social climates. It's a tough road in realizing people aren't who you once believed, or hoped, they'd be for you. @Goofyernmost I appreciate your thoughts as well.

Me, DH, my mom and her partner feel strongly one way while my best friend and her whole family, my father, my MIL, FIL, and two siblings in law feel the total opposite. I've tried hard to keep the most practical and respectful boundaries possible to preserve the relationships despite some things done and said. Sad, really.

All I can say is that I have found that people who feel strongly and cram it down your throats with obstinance and meanness have other things going on for them that have led them to believe or "believe" in certain ideas, so just remember that. What people say and think about others says more about themselves than their target

 

[Minthorne]