We all know and shake our head at those posters on various web forums that are just chock full of their own self-importance and sneer at all opinions that do not concur with their own, throwing tizzy fits when they don’t get their own way, tell the forum owners / mods how the site would be better if it was run their way or are just plain abusive to the small people (that is, everyone else on the board).
It has recently been discovered that despite their normal nature to refuse the cosmos contains a being more important than themselves, they do indeed have a prayer. And so with a nod to Full Metal Jacket, I present the Self-Important Poster’s Prayer:
This is my pedestal. There are many like it but this one is mine. My pedestal is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my pedestal is useless. Without my pedestal I am useless. I must sneer from my pedestal true. I must look down on my enemy, who is trying to talk sense. I must talk down to him before he exposes me for having my head up my but. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my pedestal and myself are defenders of my pomposity, we are the masters of every other insignificant swine on the planet, we are the saviours of my life. So be it, until there is no opinion, but Mine. Amen.
It has recently been discovered that despite their normal nature to refuse the cosmos contains a being more important than themselves, they do indeed have a prayer. And so with a nod to Full Metal Jacket, I present the Self-Important Poster’s Prayer:
This is my pedestal. There are many like it but this one is mine. My pedestal is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my pedestal is useless. Without my pedestal I am useless. I must sneer from my pedestal true. I must look down on my enemy, who is trying to talk sense. I must talk down to him before he exposes me for having my head up my but. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my pedestal and myself are defenders of my pomposity, we are the masters of every other insignificant swine on the planet, we are the saviours of my life. So be it, until there is no opinion, but Mine. Amen.
