Okay, hear me out.
The current version of Spaceship Earth sucks and has been with us for longer than the far superior previous Jeremy Irons version. It is allegedly getting a makeover at some point, but let's face it - we all know they're going to botch it. So why not just embrace the fact that Epcot is now IPcot and get real weird with it?
Disney decision-makers, I present to you this idea, feel free to steal it!
Spaceship Earth Starring Goofy
Basically it will be like those classic Goofy cartoons where a narrator instructs Goofy to demonstrate something and Goofy screws it up every time. The onboard audio will be the narrator, telling us the history of technological advancements and human achievements while occasionally giving Goofy instructions or condescending criticism. The ride scenes will remain more or less the same, but every animatronic will be replaced either by Goofy dressed as a person from that time period or another anthropomorphic dog person accompanying Goofy. Some effects would need to be added to animate Goofy's antics.
First scene: Goofy attempts to capture the wooly mammoth but it kicks him off screen
Second scene: Goofy draws a mammoth on the cave wall which becomes animated and kicks him again somehow
Third scene: Goofy invents paper by pounding reeds flat but accidentally hammers his thumb and screams
Fourth scene: Goofy tries to trade by boat but his boat is sinking
Fifth scene: Goofy is attempting to teach math but is confused and keeps asking the narrator for his lines
Sixth scene: Goofy crashes his chariot in Rome into a torch which sets Rome on fire
...and so on. You get the idea.
At the end you get to create a custom Goofy cartoon in which you can see all the ways Goofy can screw up in the future.
This would 100% be better than the current version. Nothing matters anymore. Epcot is dead. Let's just do this instead.
The current version of Spaceship Earth sucks and has been with us for longer than the far superior previous Jeremy Irons version. It is allegedly getting a makeover at some point, but let's face it - we all know they're going to botch it. So why not just embrace the fact that Epcot is now IPcot and get real weird with it?
Disney decision-makers, I present to you this idea, feel free to steal it!
Spaceship Earth Starring Goofy
Basically it will be like those classic Goofy cartoons where a narrator instructs Goofy to demonstrate something and Goofy screws it up every time. The onboard audio will be the narrator, telling us the history of technological advancements and human achievements while occasionally giving Goofy instructions or condescending criticism. The ride scenes will remain more or less the same, but every animatronic will be replaced either by Goofy dressed as a person from that time period or another anthropomorphic dog person accompanying Goofy. Some effects would need to be added to animate Goofy's antics.
First scene: Goofy attempts to capture the wooly mammoth but it kicks him off screen
Second scene: Goofy draws a mammoth on the cave wall which becomes animated and kicks him again somehow
Third scene: Goofy invents paper by pounding reeds flat but accidentally hammers his thumb and screams
Fourth scene: Goofy tries to trade by boat but his boat is sinking
Fifth scene: Goofy is attempting to teach math but is confused and keeps asking the narrator for his lines
Sixth scene: Goofy crashes his chariot in Rome into a torch which sets Rome on fire
...and so on. You get the idea.
At the end you get to create a custom Goofy cartoon in which you can see all the ways Goofy can screw up in the future.
This would 100% be better than the current version. Nothing matters anymore. Epcot is dead. Let's just do this instead.