As we all know, the quality of the ride depends on the quality of the skipper. What is the funniest thing a skipper has said?
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"punniest" Jungle Cruise quote
- Thread starter sillyspook13
- Start date
Tapestry2000
New Member
There are so many! But I think one of the "punniest" things that I've heard on the Jungle Cruise is that bit about those explorer guys up the pole and the rhino is right underneath them...it went something like: "You know I tried telling these guys that a rhino could outrun a group of explorers on foot, but they didn't want to listen...I guess they'll get THAT point in the end...". That and "See? Britney left her spears out..."
space*mt*ranger
New Member
probly for me my top 2 are
2.some people ask me if these animals are real and i say "yea they are just bolted down for your protection"
and the # 1 is*drum rolling*
"Hey Whats The difference between crocidiles & alligators"
Person ON Boat Say Something
"NO the alliggators are plastic andthe crocidiles are fiberglass
2.some people ask me if these animals are real and i say "yea they are just bolted down for your protection"
and the # 1 is*drum rolling*
"Hey Whats The difference between crocidiles & alligators"
Person ON Boat Say Something
"NO the alliggators are plastic andthe crocidiles are fiberglass
popkid
New Member
don't know if you'd consider this a 'pun' or not
right after the headhunter ambush our skipper scolded the headhunters for not actually throwing spears - he then told them to turn around in shame, and duck back behind the bushes to try again for the next boat (which was really just the attraction re-setting for the next guests) - it was hysterical....
right after the headhunter ambush our skipper scolded the headhunters for not actually throwing spears - he then told them to turn around in shame, and duck back behind the bushes to try again for the next boat (which was really just the attraction re-setting for the next guests) - it was hysterical....
DisneyFreak
Well-Known Member
"Ladies and Gentlemen, here we see what very few people will ever get to see......the backside of water." (while going under the waterfall)
When passing the headhunter, "He will gladly give you two of his heads for yours, it's a great deal, you will come out A-HEAD."
When passing the headhunter, "He will gladly give you two of his heads for yours, it's a great deal, you will come out A-HEAD."
DisneyFreak
Well-Known Member
"During our journey I would like to point out some rare and precious flowers and plants to you." (proceeds to point at different flowers and plants without saying a word)
(at night, when coming to the "backside of water") "Walt Disney World proudly presents..... FANTASMIC!!!!" (the skipper then shines a flashlight on the water and hums the Fantasmic music)
"My name's Melanie and I'll be your strip- I mean skipper...."
(when approaching the waterfall) "WHEEEEE!!!! WHEEEEE!!!! I'm sorry. Whenever I see this waterfall, it makes me go WHHHEEEEEE!"
I'm sure that when I'm 18, I will attempt to become a skipper. I've been practicing the spiel, or at least MY version of it... "If you enjoyed your tour, my name is Marcia and I was your skipper. If not, my name is Cupcake and I'm a hostess."
"My name's Melanie and I'll be your strip- I mean skipper...."
(when approaching the waterfall) "WHEEEEE!!!! WHEEEEE!!!! I'm sorry. Whenever I see this waterfall, it makes me go WHHHEEEEEE!"
I'm sure that when I'm 18, I will attempt to become a skipper. I've been practicing the spiel, or at least MY version of it... "If you enjoyed your tour, my name is Marcia and I was your skipper. If not, my name is Cupcake and I'm a hostess."
Here ya go.... http://home.earthlink.net/~andyda/disney/fromng/jcindex.html
Lists of jokes from the DL and WDW Jungle Cruises.
Lists of jokes from the DL and WDW Jungle Cruises.
kevlightyear
Well-Known Member
This wasn't a pun, but it was hilarious.
We were waiting for ships to finish unloading at the very end of the ride. The skipper was talking about a nighttime thing, MSEP or fireworks, then she said something to the effect of: "The park closes at 10 o'clock tonight, and you better leave soon after that, because eventually we let out the dogs--all 101 of them. And if they catch you or your children we will put you or them to work. That's how I got started here. They put me in it's a small world. I was the second hula girl from the right."
This was a guy mind you.
We were waiting for ships to finish unloading at the very end of the ride. The skipper was talking about a nighttime thing, MSEP or fireworks, then she said something to the effect of: "The park closes at 10 o'clock tonight, and you better leave soon after that, because eventually we let out the dogs--all 101 of them. And if they catch you or your children we will put you or them to work. That's how I got started here. They put me in it's a small world. I was the second hula girl from the right."
This was a guy mind you.
Skipper Timekpr
New Member
Unfortunately about 80% of those jokes are not SOP or Standard Operating Procedure and you'd be suspended or fired if you're caught using any of those jokes. I personally use only the non-spiel jokes at unload or waiting to unload. I very rarely use any jokes on the ride that aren't SOP because you need to know your audience. Many times they don't speak English or you could have a Disney manager their for fun or Disney Veteran that will complain because you've used a non-OG spiel. It's been like this since 95 but it's started to become a bit more liberal but just the same if you're caught you're dead!
Tapestry2000
New Member
get outta here, Really???? i didn't know that...
one skipper that we had while we were going through the temple proceeded to whistle "it's a small world"...that and coming up right before the temple: "and these columns were Disney's first attempts of a monorail system..."
"it could lead to anything...danger, treasure, a dead end, or even worse, a Disney gift shop..."
"he's the head salesman of the jungle. he's offering a great deal - 2 of his heads for one of yours, any takers? parents you can volunteer your children...children you can volunteer your parents...brothers and sisters you can volunteer each other...think about it, any way you slice it or dice it you'll always come out ahead...no?...well i guess that's what he means when he says business is shrinking...."
"oh my gosh, look at this...Ladies and Gentleman, Walt Disney World presents...the backside of water...something you don't see every day...well you could do it at home, the only problem is you'll bang your head against the faucet if you try..."
"this river goes on for niles, and niles, and niles...and if you didn't know this you're probably in de-nile..."
"if you had a good time, I'm Jamie and this has been the Jungle Cruise...if it hasn't, well I'm Sherry and this has been Space Mountain..."
"watch your step as you exit the boat...and if you bump your head, watch your language...this is a family place"
"yeah, i've had so much fun I think i'll do this again...and again...and again"
*upon approaching the waterfall* "everyone, lean in! lean in! if you're a Boston Red Sox fan, lean out! lean out!"
"there's stuff in that water that you don't wanna know about..."
"this is called Inspiration Falls, because it inspires you to go...deeper into the jungle. If you feel inspired, say '"oooh...'...now say 'aaaahh...'...now everyone give me a dollar........no?....ah well...."
"Smiley... he's over a hundred years old. Just likes to lay around the beach and wait for a hand out...or a leg out...or an arm out...or a little sibling out.... "
"Their wingspans grow from 12 inches to a whopping.....1 foot!"
geez i could go on all day ^_^but for the sake of everyone's sanity i'll stop ¬_¬()
one skipper that we had while we were going through the temple proceeded to whistle "it's a small world"...that and coming up right before the temple: "and these columns were Disney's first attempts of a monorail system..."
"it could lead to anything...danger, treasure, a dead end, or even worse, a Disney gift shop..."
"he's the head salesman of the jungle. he's offering a great deal - 2 of his heads for one of yours, any takers? parents you can volunteer your children...children you can volunteer your parents...brothers and sisters you can volunteer each other...think about it, any way you slice it or dice it you'll always come out ahead...no?...well i guess that's what he means when he says business is shrinking...."
"oh my gosh, look at this...Ladies and Gentleman, Walt Disney World presents...the backside of water...something you don't see every day...well you could do it at home, the only problem is you'll bang your head against the faucet if you try..."
"this river goes on for niles, and niles, and niles...and if you didn't know this you're probably in de-nile..."
"if you had a good time, I'm Jamie and this has been the Jungle Cruise...if it hasn't, well I'm Sherry and this has been Space Mountain..."
"watch your step as you exit the boat...and if you bump your head, watch your language...this is a family place"
"yeah, i've had so much fun I think i'll do this again...and again...and again"
*upon approaching the waterfall* "everyone, lean in! lean in! if you're a Boston Red Sox fan, lean out! lean out!"
"there's stuff in that water that you don't wanna know about..."
"this is called Inspiration Falls, because it inspires you to go...deeper into the jungle. If you feel inspired, say '"oooh...'...now say 'aaaahh...'...now everyone give me a dollar........no?....ah well...."
"Smiley... he's over a hundred years old. Just likes to lay around the beach and wait for a hand out...or a leg out...or an arm out...or a little sibling out.... "
"Their wingspans grow from 12 inches to a whopping.....1 foot!"
geez i could go on all day ^_^but for the sake of everyone's sanity i'll stop ¬_¬()
mightyduck
Well-Known Member
A big thank you to everyone who posted here for giving a laugh I certainly needed today.
LOL
J
LOL
J
Tapestry2000
New Member
you are welcome - that's what we're here for!
Skipper Timekpr
New Member
A coupley of those jokes you posted Tapestry are in the spiel and are allowed to be said like the butterfly one and the watch your head and step. The worst one that would totaly get you fired is denouncing another attraction for example "If you like my spiel my name was Bob and this was the Jungle Cruise if not my name is Scott and this was Epcot. Let that Scott and Epcot stick out in your head if you hated me."
Tapestry2000
New Member
oooooh...i'll make a note of that if I ever become a JC skipper
