Parents, when do you want Granny to back off?

[tor29c]

Technically, I'm the great aunt but here's my dilemma. I'm taking my nephew, his wife, and their son to celebrate his third birthday. I get this baby at least 3 weekends a month so he and I are very close and have a great relationship. My concern is how differently his parents and I allow this toddler to explore and play. When we have gone to local amusement parks together his parents are ready to move on after 5 minutes or less while the baby wants to stay and explore longer. Pulling him away from something he's engaged in causes quite a fit not just for him but his parents. I would prefer to give him longer to explore and then after some time (15 minutes or so) start letting him know that in 5 minutes we're moving on to see (fill in the blank). I remind him again at three minutes and at 1 minute and by them I have something else in mind to make the exit fuss free. So, right now, I have the FP+s scheduled and I'm thinking of using those times when Mom & Dad are on the rides to allow him to do things that interest him. I would also be willing to just walk around with him for longer giving his parents time to enjoy the parks at their pace. But, I also recognize that this is a family vacation so I don't want us separating all the time. So, after all that, parents, when do you want me to back off? I'll definitely talk to the parents as well but I would appreciate the feedback from others too. Thanks so much!

 

[WWWD]

You are taking your nephew and his family to WDW and you watch his 3 year old son 3 weekends a month, can you adopt my family?

 

[DrummerAlly]

We are about to leave on a vacation with my husband and I, our two girls (4 and almost 2), and my mom to help. My mom is similarly very close with her grand daughters. What I love about my mom is that she respects the way my husband and I parent and choose to raise our kids and what we say goes. Our general rule is that if mom or dad are around, our rules run the show. If its just Mimi in charge, her rules run the show. This works really well for our family and allows all of us to be consistent within ourselves. The girls get it.

So, my suggestion would be to follow your nephews lead if they are with you. If the parents go off and ride a ride, now is the time to do it your way. Let the parents decide when and if you separate.

 

[HRHPrincessAriel]

We are about to leave on a vacation with my husband and I, our two girls (4 and almost 2), and my mom to help. My mom is similarly very close with her grand daughters. What I love about my mom is that she respects the way my husband and I parent and choose to raise our kids and what we say goes. Our general rule is that if mom or dad are around, our rules run the show. If its just Mimi in charge, her rules run the show. This works really well for our family and allows all of us to be consistent within ourselves. The girls get it.

So, my suggestion would be to follow your nephews lead if they are with you. If the parents go off and ride a ride, now is the time to do it your way. Let the parents decide when and if you separate.

This.

 

[Monty]

Family dynamics are never easy and unfortunately, never the same. My son and I are joined at the hip. My Ex has always been good about it, but my mother was always trying to change how we [and later I] were raising him. We were too cuddly, too doting, too appeasing or just spoiling him. After many years of angst, I finally laid down the law and said we were very happy to spend time with her so she would have the opportunity to know him, but the arguing had to stop or we simply couldn't continue visiting. She was an angel from then until she passed.

Ultimately, it's up to you to have the discussion with them. Be honest, tell them what you have told us. It may very well be that they don't realise they're doing it. My son finally told me that something I did really bothered him [I always called him "Sweetie" in public], it was driving him crazy but he didn't want to hurt my feelings so it took forever for him to tell me. I'd always thought it was endearing! LOL! I corrected the behaviour and only call him that occasionally in private...

 

[DisneyDaver]

Technically, I'm the great aunt but here's my dilemma. I'm taking my nephew, his wife, and their son to celebrate his third birthday. I get this baby at least 3 weekends a month so he and I are very close and have a great relationship. My concern is how differently his parents and I allow this toddler to explore and play. When we have gone to local amusement parks together his parents are ready to move on after 5 minutes or less while the baby wants to stay and explore longer. Pulling him away from something he's engaged in causes quite a fit not just for him but his parents. I would prefer to give him longer to explore and then after some time (15 minutes or so) start letting him know that in 5 minutes we're moving on to see (fill in the blank). I remind him again at three minutes and at 1 minute and by them I have something else in mind to make the exit fuss free. So, right now, I have the FP+s scheduled and I'm thinking of using those times when Mom & Dad are on the rides to allow him to do things that interest him. I would also be willing to just walk around with him for longer giving his parents time to enjoy the parks at their pace. But, I also recognize that this is a family vacation so I don't want us separating all the time. So, after all that, parents, when do you want me to back off? I'll definitely talk to the parents as well but I would appreciate the feedback from others too. Thanks so much!

You sound like a great great aunt! My wife and I tend to defer to the grandparents in terms of these types of things when they are with us for family outings (though the grandparents have always been very respectful of and observed the few rules that are very important to my wife and I so that makes it easy to defer to them on other things). Every parent is different though so I suggest having the conversation.

 

[dreamfinder]

While as a whole group, I'd want to see you respecting the boundaries and rules I as the parent have in place. Ideally we would have discussed them in advance so everyone is on the same page. I'd expect most grandparents to do things the parents won't, but this is relatively trivial, and isn't so much letting them do something forbidden (ice cream before dinner) rather just giving them additional information to absorb. That said, my DW and I are currently using your approach while raising our child.

 

[tor29c]

Thank you all for your very thoughtful suggestions. The mom and I were able to talk for a bit and it was very productive. She and I have an excellent relationship and she reminded me that I'll have plenty of opportunities to handle the baby my way. The little guy and I get up earlier than the parents so we will be up and out of the room to do as he pleases long before they are ready to get the day started. Once we get to the parks I'll defer to the parents wishes. So looking forward to this very special week!

 

[TDGMedley]

I say you could offer to stay with him a little longer if that want to move on but if they say no or do not like the idea then I would do as the parents want. You could also offer to take him for one day out and let them do there own thing like a date and meet up later. we just had a trip in December with 2 sets or grandparents with us and it was very hard. But I hope yall have fun and what a great aunt to take them on an great trip.

 

[tor29c]

I say you could offer to stay with him a little longer if that want to move on but if they say no or do not like the idea then I would do as the parents want. You could also offer to take him for one day out and let them do there own thing like a date and meet up later. we just had a trip in December with 2 sets or grandparents with us and it was very hard. But I hope yall have fun and what a great aunt to take them on an great trip.

Thank you for your suggestions. I do have a date night set up for them which will allow for me and the little guy to do what ever he wants. I'm so sorry your December trip was hard with two sets of grandparents. Unfortunately, "the more the merrier" isn't always true.

 

[John C. Shepherd]

I need you guys to show my wives parents how to respect the rules we have, she has no care to listen to us.

 

[tor29c]

I need you guys to show my wives parents how to respect the rules we have, she has no care to listen to us.

@John C., I do feel badly for you. Is there anyway either you or your wife could pull them aside and explain how detrimental this is to everyone? I know my nephew and his wife understand there are certain things Aunt tor29s does with the baby that mom and dad won't do (an Elmo cupcake for breakfast,? Sure!) but the big safety issues I totally respect. And this sweet boy does know that things he can get away with with me don't fly "in the real world" with mom and dad. I hope your situation improves because grandparents (and great aunts!) can be beneficial to all of us!

 

[EvilQueen-T]

I've done disney with lots of different variations of family members. The biggest thing is to take deep breaths as often as you need to and try to go with the flow choosing your battles like only pushing more for your side for when it's something big to you...let the small stuff go. For instance I was with 5 family units totaling 18 people after my daughter's wedding. It took twice the effort to have everyone up and out at an agreed upon time and took twice the effort to do half as much as we usually do in the parks...but I just tried to keep in mind it's just as much about spending time together...then I also booked a trip to go with just one other person later in the year lol. Disney trips are sooooo different depending on who you go with that's for sure. Just try to keep the big picture in mind and you'll leave happier. One of the things I do when I travel with my granddaughter, my sister, her husband, and their daughter is give the other two adults a date night. Then I take the girls and we do something different.

 

[BigRedDad]

For us, the last trip with grandma was the last. Grandma cannot get around anymore and it will never change. Even with an ECV, it was painful because she still can't walk the 100-200 feet to the ride. If she wants to go, she is welcome to get a hold of her friends and take their own trip. You feel guilty going off knowing grandma is stuck not being able to do much but you are also spending $1,000s on your trip.

 

[George]

Before she goes all stabby Grammy with the butcher's knife.

 

[jlsHouston]

Before she goes all stabby Grammy with the butcher's knife.

LOL

 

[jlsHouston]

I've done disney with lots of different variations of family members. The biggest thing is to take deep breaths as often as you need to and try to go with the flow choosing your battles like only pushing more for your side for when it's something big to you...let the small stuff go. For instance I was with 5 family units totaling 18 people after my daughter's wedding. It took twice the effort to have everyone up and out at an agreed upon time and took twice the effort to do half as much as we usually do in the parks...but I just tried to keep in mind it's just as much about spending time together...then I also booked a trip to go with just one other person later in the year lol. Disney trips are sooooo different depending on who you go with that's for sure. Just try to keep the big picture in mind and you'll leave happier. One of the things I do when I travel with my granddaughter, my sister, her husband, and their daughter is give the other two adults a date night. Then I take the girls and we do something different.

Boy this is truth. Over the past 4 years, my Disney trips have gone from an average of 4 people, occasionally 5 when daughter #2 could join us for a few days of the vacation. Then the Googa arrived and we became always a party of 5-6 with a stroller. This last trip had 9 from 55 down to 8 months and it was a total challenge. And as far as what the granny says, well I reserve the right to have it my way...because it's the best way and the right way, LOL