Because of some very helpful constructive criticism, I decided to redo my Adventureland and remove the IP heavy attractions, deciding to really theme the area around the Jungle Navigation Company. However, I left in the Tiki Room: Hakuna Matata because I really liked it and will be removing (probably) the Festival of the Lion King. Anyway, without further ado... My revisited Adventureland.
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What if I were appointed CEO of Disney? Would I purchase more companies? Make a deal with more commercial restaurants to come into the parks? How about remake classic villains into tragic characters in their own movies? Well, I can tell you for a fact that I wouldn't do any of those things. What I would do is improve Walt Disney World to become the best theme park property in the world. Now, with no restraint on how much changes, this is my version of Walt Disney World: Part 2: Adventureland
But first, here is a list of the attractions, restaurants, and shops that we had to bid ado to.
- Jungle Cruise
- Magic Carpets of Aladdin
- Swiss Family Treehouse
- Enchanted Tiki Room
- The Pirates League
- Pirates Adventure: Treasure of the Seven Seas
- Tortuga Tavern
- Sunshine Tree Terrace
- Agrabah Bazaar
- Bwana Bob’s
- Island Supply
- Zanzibar Trading Company
You enter the pathway leading down to Adventureland, looking at an all new entrance. While the archway still remains, two large elephant tusks appear tied to the poles while adventure gear adorns the top of the archway. As you look into the area, you can see that rising up high above anything else is an ancient temple. However, you also notice a volcano as well as multiple other changes that really help to retheme the area.
Upon passing through the archway, you are swarmed by the sounds of drumming and tribal music. As you take all of the sounds in, you look over to where Bwana Bob’s once was. Rather than having the small cart, the area has been repurposed to host the entrance to a large theater out near the Crystal Palace. A sign hanging in front of the entrance reads “The Theater in the Jungle presents: Adventures in Adventureland!”
You enter the long path to the theater, passing by all kinds of objects referencing jungle exploration films, including a replica of the African Queen from the movie of the same name resting down below in a section of the river that the Jungle Cruise ships don’t go down. You also notice old decorations including a golden camel from the Magic Carpets of Aladdin attraction and a small room that appears to be from the Swiss Family Treehouse.
You finally reach the theater and take your seat. It is an amphitheater reminiscent of Beauty and the Beast: Live on Stage and Indiana Jones: Epic Stunt Spectacular. However, on the wall in the back of the stage, you see the words “Adventures in Adventureland” on a very large backdrop. Tropical plants adorn the sides of the theater, giving it the feeling of complete immersion in the jungle. Within a few minutes, the host of the show comes out, introducing himself as James A. Quincy. Quincy is an older man wearing a safari outfit, complete with the hat.
Quincy begins by telling you a story of a perilous journey through the African Rainforest: home to troops of gorillas, and of course, a legendary Ape Man known as “Tarzan.” With that, the stage goes dark and the crew moves set pieces into place, creating the feeling of a pure African Jungle. Cast members dressed as gorillas roam the floor as the song “Son of Man” by Phil Collins begins to play. For a few lines of the song, the gorillas dance by themselves. While the song continues, a real actor portraying Tarzan on a rope designed to look like a vine swings in. Tarzan flips off of the vine onto a hidden mat, designed to be directly behind a log. Tarzan and the Gorillas then dance to the song as the song finishes up. The gorillas and Tarzan then leave the stage having Quincy return to the stage.
“Well wasn’t that fascinating. Never have I seen such behavior in animals like that. However, Tarzan isn’t the only legend that took place in these here jungles. There once was a boy, a man-cub if you will, that called the jungles of India his home. His name was Mowgli.”
The lights go out again as the jungle is then transformed to the palace of King Louie. Mowgli is carried out by a group of monkeys as the song “I Wanna Be Like You” begins to play. Soon, King Louie enters by the side of the stage and begins singing. The character’s mouth moves making it more realistic. King Louie sings directly to Mowgli, until it breaks into all out dancing with the monkeys. Balloo soon enters, joining the dance as a puppet of Bagheera behind a temple wall beckons Mowgli out. The song ends as King Louie notices Mowgli missing and Balloo flees the temple.
The sets are moved back as Quincy returns to the stage. He then mentions that not only has he discovered legends throughout his adventuring days, but also has enriched himself with other cultures. He begins talking about the exciting dances performed by African Tribes as suddenly, dancers dressed in traditional African garb and holding the shields and masks that they are known for on the Jungle Cruise fill the stage. They perform a set of dances and routines including spinning a spear and fire-dancing.
As the dancers leave the stage, Quincy tells the group that in his time exploring, the most wonderful place he ever visited was the Peruvian jungles where he learned the legend of a greedy emperor that would have to learn a lesson by being turned into a llama by an evil witch. Or at least that’s how he remembers it..
With that, the set changes into the Throne Room of Emperor Kuzco in “The Emperor’s New Groove.” The song “Perfect World” begins to play as Kuzco’s guards fill the throne room. Theme Song Guy narrates the life of Kuzco until Kuzco enters by way of spinning the throne to face the audience. Kuzco joins the guards in dancing as the song continues until it wraps up and Kuzco returns to his seat which is moved away.
Quincy returns to the stage, telling the audience that he’s growing quite tired and needs to take a rest. “I hope everyone enjoyed our tales today and make sure to go out and have your own adventures here in Adventureland!”
With that, you exit through a path, coming out quite close to the entrance. As you look across the path, you notice that the building that once hosted Tinkerbell’s Magical Nook now has a new banner on it. The banner reads “Safari Surplus Store: For all your Adventuring Needs.”
You browse in the store and notice a surplus of vintage Adventureland merchandise, including items referencing the original Enchanted Tiki Room, the Little Orange Bird and Sunshine Tree Terrace, the Jungle Cruise, and Pirates of the Caribbean to name just a few. You also notice that the room is decked out with signs and artwork from the original attractions.
You exit the shop and head towards the main hub of Adventureland where the Magic Carpets of Aladdin once stood. However, the smoking area (thankfully) has been removed. Along with the smoking area, you’ll notice that the Swiss Family Treehouse has been removed in order to make room for the attraction. To the left is Aloha Isle, the home of the Dole Whip. Luckily, Aloha Isle has remained entirely the same as it is such a classic.
Right next to Aloha Isle, tucked closer to the back, is the Skippers Canteen restaurant that is themed around the skippers from the World Famous Jungle Cruise. You notice that even though there is no evidence of the Jungle Cruise River that the restaurant is still there. You begin to think that this may be part of the story where all of the skippers were laid off and went to work at a restaurant. However, this is just speculation of course.
You continue down the pathway to another path through the jungle, this time to a large looming volcano out over a river below. A large sign reads “Journey to the Center of the Earth” and resembles the facade for the attraction that you’ve always wanted to ride at Tokyo DisneySea. You decide to go in and walk down the short trail into a cave underneath the volcano. As you enter the queue, you notice the theming shifting to a base inside of the volcano.
Throughout the beginning of the caves are signs that tell the story of the Jungle Navigation Co.’s discovery of the dormant volcano as well as the seemingly indestructible ore which they’ve named “Adventurite.” With the discovery of Adventurite and JNC’s further endeavors in exploring the deep jungle and charting it before rival adventure companies can, Jungle Navigation Co. sold the volcano to the British company “DiamondCorps,” a successful company that made a name for themselves by cornering the world’s coal market, in order to harvest Adventurite and use it to make all new machinery and objects.
You enter a cavern where is mining gear lining the walls as well as all kinds of books throughout the area that read titles including “Subterranean Oceans and Forests,” “Encyclopedia of undiscovered creatures,” and of course, a dusty and tattered copy of Jules Verne’s “Journey to the Center of the Earth” sitting on a crate, open for guests to read a passage as they walk by.
You then make your way into an old-timey elevator that appears to be bringing you to a lower level of the volcano. Here, a representative of DiamondCorps’ jungle crew briefs you on what your role in the mining endeavor is.
“Yes, welcome, I am Cornelius L. Potter, leader of DiamondCorps Adventurite branch. You may be asking why you have been selected out of everyone in Adventureland to join us on the first major Adventurite mining expedition. Well, during the Great War, our dependence on coal grew in order to power our locomotives as well as heat our homes. DiamondCorps quit mining for gems and precious metals and became the biggest name in the coal mining business. However, with the discovery of Adventurite, we can only imagine the things we can use it for. That’s why we need you to help us. You will all be placed in one of our Mole Drills, the most powerful digging tools, and you will burrow deep into the mountain and harvest as much Adventurite as you can. Now, we must board. I wish you good luck on your adventure!”
With that, you exit the elevator and enter another large cavern where the Mole Drills are boarding and entering a cavern. You observe the stalagmites and stalactites that adorn the cavern as you board your Mole Drill and prepare for your expedition.
With the whistle of an engine, your Mole Drill begins down the cavern, making its way past all kinds of shiny gems and ores, until you suddenly feel the ground start to shake. You then see the path begin to lift up above you, but without a chance to even truly understand, you are dropped very fast down a large hill.
Once you reach the bottom, the Mole Drill slowly crawls through the unknown cavern, eventually coming into a large glowing subterranean forest of mushroom-like fungi. As you pass through, the wonder of this alien world surrounds you, from the chirping of strange reptilian-birds to the croaking of what appear to be large frog-like creatures. The glowing light radiating from the fungi gives the cavern a green, pink, and purple glow, including the water that is bubbling up from underground springs. As you continue through the jungle, you see more creatures hidden by miles of Earth, including what appear to be herbivorous small dinosaurs resembling raptors and large deer-like creatures with glowing antlers and no eyes.
Sadly, the wonder of the fungi forest is cut short, by the rumbling of the Earth again, this time sending rocks and earth down, covering large parts of the Fungi forest while the creatures escape into hiding. The Mole Drill then begins moving much faster, avoiding falling rocks by swerving, eventually crashing its drill against the wall and spinning itself into another cavern as the rocks collapse behind it. You are trapped in an unknown tunnel, so the Mole Drill continues moving forward, exiting by what appears to be a subterranean ocean.
Hovering over the ocean are large purple clouds that appear to be carriers of a toxic rain as a storm rages, causing thunder to rumble the cavern around you, again, causing the ground and rocks to crumble. You approach a tunnel with two options, but after a collapse of rocks on the right tunnel, the mole drill speeds through the cavern as you notice large, odd-shaped boulders, which you then realize are actually eggs of a gigantic creature. You quickly discover what that creature is as you enter a cavern with a giant magma pit, crossing over a very thin strip of rock above the pit as a giant lava monster that resembles a centipede mixed with the alien from “ExtraTERRORestrial” rises up from the pit.
The lava monster begins to bash against the rock, causing the bridge to shake, threatening the fall into a pit of lava (similar to the bridge on Kilimanjaro Safaris that feels as if it’s collapsing) until out of nowhere, the ceiling begins collapsing (via screens behind the animatronic) and you are able to escape.
As you burst out of the lava chamber, you begin your rapid ascent through crystalized ice that coats the sides of the walls as well as dangles off the ceilings and from a the floors, almost forming ice stalagmites and stalactites. As you charge through the ice cavern, ascending back up to the top, you encounter another monster at the top, this one being a large snow creature resembling a large ice golem. As the creature roars, your Mole Drill drops back down the hill (much like the rotating track in Expedition Everest) and down a large hill, back up into another section of fungi forest.
Inside this fungi forest, creatures resembling large, bug-eyed lemurs observe you as begin slowly returning up-hill to the exit dock. Your Mole Drill finally arrives at the exit dock where you debark. However, you notice that this is not the end of the experience as you then board another elevator that “brings you to the surface.” However, in this elevator, a small radio turns on and a voice emitted from it is heard.
“Congratulations team, thanks to your mishaps in the cave, we discovered an entire subterranean ecosystem. Those fools at Jungle Navigation will be kicking themselves for selling this land to us. While you didn’t collect much Adventurite, none at all actually, you still made us all extremely rich! Alright boys, let’s go explore the land.” The radio then clicks off and the other set of doors opens, exiting directly into Adventureland.
As you exit Journey, you enter the old Agrabah city center where Magic Carpets of Aladdin once was. You notice that while the carpets have been removed, the Enchanted Tiki Room building is still standing, despite the sign being changed. On the sign, you notice a hand (paw?) that is tan with three brown fingers holding a paintbrush that says “Hakuna Matata” on it. Knowing that you didn’t care for “Under New Management” you contemplate skipping the show, but because you are here, you decide to go take a look anyway.
In the line, you see the waterfall with the tiki gods from the original pre-show. The wall spins around and you see the two birds (you think they’re some kind of toucan). The two begin talking about how old Jose and the Tiki Room Birds have been having some troubles. After a little bit of exposition, the second bird chimes in, saying, “Yes, and if those Tiki Birds don’t get their act together, we’ll be out of a job.” After that, the wall turns around again and the water pours down as you and the other people in line get brought into the Tiki Room.
Inside of the room, a member of the Jungle Navigation Company announces that after 41 years of the same show, their magical Tiki Birds have been having a disagreement about putting on a new show and says that they are sorry if the birds do not behave. The Jungle Navigation Co. Member then “wakes up” Jose who starts up the show as usual.
Jose: (yawns) My siestas are getting shorter, hey Michael, mi amigo, pay attention it’s showtime.
Michael: So it is, and what darling people I have sitting under me. Pierre, you rascal you, let’s put on the show.
Pierre: Mon ami, I am always ready, as you say, “To put on the show” *Whistles* Oh, I am sorry, that whistle is for my good friend Fritz.
Fritz: Mien goodness, you’re all staring at us, we better start the show rolling.
Michael: Wait wait! We forgot to wake up the glee club
Jose: Ole Ole it’s showtime.
In this scene, the entire Tiki room erupts into a tone-deaf, very stale version of “The Tiki Tiki TIki Tiki room” until Jose whistles for the singing to stop. Jose says that this is why they need a new show, because the same old song is getting boring and nobody sings it the same way anymore.
Pierre backs him up, stating that he too believes that a new show is in order. However, Michael and Fritz say that they just need to put more effort into the show and that it’s not the show that’s boring, but the birds themselves.
The four begin squabbling as lights dim on all of the other birds (to show that they are backing out of the argument) until suddenly, up from the middle bushy area arises Lono, God of music. Lono tells the four that until the four can work together, they are banished from the Tiki Room. Thunder strikes and the room goes dark. After a minute or two, the entire room is transformed into a mysterious jungle. The four birds all continue squabbling, now about how they have no idea where they are.
Up from the same central area rises a platform holding animatronics of Timon and Pumbaa singing the song “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.” However, the birds squabbling gets in the way of their singing, so Timon screams his classic catchphrase “QUUUUIIIIIEEEEETTTT!”
The four birds turn to Timon and Pumbaa and apologize for their squabbling. Jose then explains why they were fighting until Timon interrupts them.
Timon: Listen, birds, if I wanted to hear about your problems, I’d have asked. But, since I guess you haven’t experienced life the way we have, I am going to be extremely generous and teach you all about Hakuna Matata.
Pierre asks Timon what Hakuna Matata is to which Pumbaa replies “It’s our motto.” Pierre then asks “What’s a motto?” To which Timon says “Nothing, what’s a motto with you?”
Aggravated, the birds then go back to squabbling until Timon begins singing.
Timon: Hakuna matata, what a wonderful phrase.
Pumbaa: Hakuna matata, ain’t no passing craze.
TImon: It means no worries, for the rest of your days
Both: It’s our problem-free philosophy, Hakuna Matata.
The birds then ask Timon and Pumbaa to explain their motto to them, especially the part about no mottos. Timon and Pumbaa then continue the song, being joined in by the birds about halfway through the song (in the spots that Simba sang in the film).
The birds thank Timon and Pumbaa for teaching them, but then ask if they have any ideas to change their show. Timon says that they've helped enough, but Pumbaa insists that they teach the birds their favorite song.
Timon reluctantly agrees and tells the birds that they’ll teach them one more song. Timon and Pumbaa then sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.” Suddenly, thunder strikes and the room goes dark again. Once the lights return, the birds are back in the Tiki Room and Lono stands in the center.
Lono tells the birds that he is impressed by their learning and hopes that their trip taught them something. Jose and Michael both nod as Lono returns to the middle of the show. Jose then awakens the birds again and the tiki room is lit up with colors of every variety. Jose then announces that they have a new song. He then (in reference to Animal Kingdom’s “Festival of the Lion King [which may or may not be leaving in my version]) assigns one side of the room to sing “Ee-e-e-oh-mum-oh-weh” while the other side is assigned to do the “wimoweh.” The four (Jose, Michael, Pierre, and Fritz) then take the chorus as the entire tiki room erupts into “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.” As soon as that song finishes, Jose turns to Michael and says that he's glad they've settled on changing the show, but he wants to do one more thing for old times sake.
With that, Jose whistles and says “Ole Ole, it's showtime” and the entire tiki room instantly begins singing “The Tiki Room theme.” Once it ends, the four birds thank the audience for coming and tell them to exit through the back doors. With that, you stand up and exit the show and back into Adventureland.
As you exit, right next to the Tiki Room is a small stage with a few seats. Already in progress is a show where a cast member is holding a macaw. You decide to check it out and discover that the show is all about how smart macaws are and how they are trained. The cast member explains that the birds are on loan from the Animal Kingdom and that they were trained there to fly around Discovery Island but were then sent over to Magic Kingdom in order to create this show, titled “The Real Tiki Room Birds.”
After a few minutes, you decide to continue walking as the presentation continues as you still need to get a lot done in such little time.
You walk back to the center and see that where the Magic Carpets of Aladdin once were is a large fountain with a golden statue of Indiana Jones standing atop it. A plaque in front of the fountain reads: “A gift to the citizens of Adventureland. Your temple provided many perils and adventures and I am glad that you chose me to explore it. All of the artifacts will be going to a museum. Signed, Dr. Indiana Jones.
With that, you notice that up behind where the Leaky Tiki area was, there is a rope bridge over a new River where boats sail under you. You decide to cross the rope bridge only to find that you end up right in front of an all new temple, based mostly on ancient Mayan architecture, this temple stands high above the rest of Adventureland, making it the “Weenie” of the land.
You see that the sign out front reads “Indiana Jones and the Lost Temple” and, loving the Indy ride in Disneyland, you decide to hop on.
You enter the queue which winds you through ancient artifacts from gold to clay dolls to human skulls. However, throughout the queue, you also notice nods towards the Indiana Jones franchise, including the Ark of the Covenant which you just barely spot after turning one of the corners. You also spot Indy’s famous hat and bullwhip as well as Jock Lindsey’s pet snake, Reggie, in an animatronic form. The queue vaguely reminds you of that in “The Mummy” at Universal Orlando.
Entering the loading area, you notice that the vehicles are much like those in the actual Indy Ride mixed with the design of those in DINOSAUR that creates the all out adventure vehicle. You notice that the vehicle is set up with a metallic claw, ropes, sleeping bags, and all kinds of other survival gear, showing you the adventure that is about to unfold right before you.
You board the cart and store your bag and hat in the seat pocket in front of you and begin for a wild ride. Before you take off, you hear Indy’s voice in two speakers next to your head say “Make sure to keep your safety strap down and don't even dare take any flash photography. Startle anything and this temple may just collapse. Stay seated until we return to base. Let's go.”
From here, you move into the first room where an animatronic Indiana Jones alerts you that your mission is to find an ancient Mayan Calendar that may just be correct in predicting the end of the world. Soon, you begin jerky movements through what appears to be an abandoned temple. You suddenly hear a tick and feel wind blow past your face as a spear sticks out of one side of the wall. Indy’s voice is heard as he tells you to move faster to avoid the spears and to be aware of potential booby traps.
The vehicle begins moving more cautiously but also faster, swerving to avoid any booby traps. Suddenly, you hear another tick and then hear something large rolling towards you. From in front of your cart, a giant boulder (much like the famous one in “Raiders of the Lost Ark”) comes barreling towards you. Your cart begins rushing backwards down another corridor as the boulder appears to get itself stuck at the entrance, blocking the way back.
Indy’s voice can be heard over the vehicle as he says “good job, you’ve gotten yourself stuck. You’re going to need to find a new way out, I'll try to set a new course for you, but I don't know if it'll work.”
Instead of waiting on Indy’s directions, your cart turns around and winds itself through the corridor, bumping and jerking as it climbs over broken parts of the temple. Inside, it is pitch black and nothing can be seen except for a small beam of light emitted from the headlights. Squeaking of bats can be heard as you bump along through the corridor, until suddenly, the room ignites in a blaze of fire, you've set off another booby trap. However, the fire lights up the room enough to find an exit right behind the blaze.
Your vehicle goes for it and charges through the flame (produced by screen, only the fire on the sides of the cavern is real) and down a large hill, directly into a giant chamber of gold and jewels. Here, Indy contacts you and says “good job team, you’ve found the treasure room. In a connecting room should be the calendar, don’t touch anything else!” The cart begins bumping more than ever as it crosses over the treasure.
The cart enters through the room that holds the calendar, only to see Arnold Toht and Renè Belloq (produced by a giant screen) standing by it. They notice the cart and close all exits, trapping you inside. They then step on a plate that will cause the temple to collapse on top of you. Belloq then apologizes, saying that they have no other choice, they can't risk Indiana Jones getting the calendar.
Just as Belloq finishes, the classic “Indiana Jones” theme swells up around the cavern (which appears to be crumbling on the screen) and Indy bursts through the ceiling, sliding down onto the pedestal. He punches Toht, knocking him unconscious and uses his whip to steal the calendar out of Belloq’s hands. He then shouts “let's get out of here” as your vehicle begins moving again, exiting through a broken hole in the side of the temple, dropping down a huge hill outside of the temple and then back up to the loading bay as you hear the inside of the temple crumble behind you.
As you pull up to debark, you hear Indy’s voice, thanking you for your help and offering to take you on another adventure anytime. You then debark and exit into the Indiana Jones Adventure Outpost gift shop where you can purchase whips, hats, and of course, all kinds of treasure.
From the exit of the gift shop, you walk right past a restaurant titled “The Raven.” This is a quick service restaurant that is based off the one that Marion runs in “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” The menu features all kinds of draft beers as well as many meals based around Indiana Jones-esque themes.
You cross the second bridge and enter regular Adventureland again, only to see that the area where the Jungle Cruise once was is still there. Having seen all of the hints, you aren’t surprised that there still is a Jungle Cruise, but at the same time, a huge sense of relief washes over you based on the fact that the attraction still is there. You enter the plaza to find the updated building which hosts an all new sign, showing the original “Jungle Cruise” sign with a smaller sign reading “expeditions” tacked on to the bottom.
You jump in the winding queue and see all kinds of sight gags, including references to the original Jungle Cruise ride. However, rather than enjoying the queue, you decide to step on your boat, (Amazon Annabelle) and take the ride.
Right from the launch you notice a big difference, it is in the Amazon area. Rather than simply having large butterflies, the jungle feels much more diverse. Right from the first turn, you see a toucan sitting up in the tree with a camera dangling from a branch. Your skipper, points out the bird and cracks a joke.
“That bird up there stole my camera, but I’ll get him back one day, toucan play at that game.”
Along the river, more and more animals can be seen, including a lone sloth that appears to be covered in some type of moss. Your skipper points it out as well, stating...
“You know, that sloth up there was never really a fan of algae, but from the look of it, I’d say it's grown on him.”
Continuing down the river, you continue to enjoy the wondrous jungle puns that coincide with a lot of Amazon fauna, including spider monkeys, ocelots, anteaters, and frogs. However, you suddenly are stopped by the skipper as he says, “Okay everyone, this is jaguar territory. Make sure to tell me if you spot one.”
With that, an animatronic jaguar leaps out of the bushes towards the bank of the river and the skipper cowers next to the person sitting closest, asking them to take his job.
Once your skipper collects himself, you continue down the river until you reach a fork. As the skipper deliberates, splashing is suddenly heard and a horde of piranhas pops out of the water, soaking the you and your fellow passengers. In an effort to escape, your skipper turns down the left fork, passing from the Amazon to the Congo.
Once you reach the Congo river, you are greeted by a large bull elephant whom the skipper tells you he can communicate with. He then proceeds to make crude elephant noises until the elephant responds. He then proudly gestures, awaiting an applause. After the applause, he tells you he’s going to do a trick. He yells “sneeze” and the elephant sprays the boat, getting you and a few others wet. The skipper then points to a woman sitting across from the elephant and says “okay, now just on her” before telling her “It’s okay ma’am, you’re not gonna get sprayed... I didn’t tell him in elephant.” He then begins continuing forward into the Congo.
From there, you pass by the tail end of a plane where all kinds of supplies are scattered along the bank, including a few floating containers of fuel. As you look on the bank, you see a group of animatronic chimpanzees holding a revolver, aiming for the canisters. Your skipper yells out “quit monkeying around!” To which the chimp shoots and a water cannon goes off. The skipper then turns to the boat and says “They’re apes, and obviously we shouldn’t call them monkeys. That just proved to me that they may go bananas.” Hearing that, the chimp fires the revolver three times, setting off the water jets.
The skipper then says “phew, they only have six rounds, and they’ve wasted four already. Who’s the big dumb ape now.” With that, the chimp begins screaming and fires twice, hitting two fuel canisters, erupting them in flames. The skipper puts the boat in full gear to escape the flames, stating “I don’t want to stay here too long, that ape is a world famous sharp-shooting chimpion!”
Passing the chimps, you encounter the skipper’s old camp being raided by a troop of gorillas as well as a few warthogs. On a side of the tent there is an upside down vehicle to which The skipper tells you “those gorillas are miracle workers. I couldn’t get the truck running, but it seems they were able to turn it over.” He then pauses for a few seconds and says “They probably used a monkey wrench.”
You continue through the Congo as wind your way down the river, you encounter a large leopard resting on a tree branch above the river. The skipper announces “Don’t worry about him, that’s fluffy, the nicest cat in the Congo. Go ahead and play him in a game of cards, he’s no cheetah.” With this, your skipper tells you that you are transitioning to the Nile, the world’s longest river.
You continue down the river, reaching a Kjope where a group of lions are feeding on a zebra as a group of zebra, wildebeest, giraffes, antelope, and ostrich are grazing. The skipper uses similar jokes to the original as the scene hasn’t changed much. However, on the other side of the kjope, the hunters and pole have been removed.
Instead of the hunters, the rhino is staring at the boat and snorting steam out of its nose to which the skipper says “That is a black rhinoceros, one of the fastest animals on the savanna. If that thing starts charging us, he can break this boat and... Oh, you get the point.”
Continuing down the river, you enter a hippo pool. This sequence has also remained similar with the hippos rising out of the water and the skipper shooting up in the air to scare them away. However, instead of fleeing, one of the hippos sprays water up and gets everyone in the boat all wet.
As you leave the hippos, you begin winding past Schweitzer Falls and into headhunter territory. However, before seeing any headhunters, your skipper points out, “You see that book over there in those bushes? Yeah, that’s a favorite around here. It has a lot of names, the bush novel, the tree chapters, oh, and of course, the one you all know of... The rainforest story.”
With that, you plunge into headhunter territory, noticing a dancing party at the top of the bank. Your skipper waves to the dancing hunters and says “Hey guys, just passing through. Wanted to give you a heads up.” He then turns to the boat and says, every time I pass by this area, those guys lose their minds.”
You then pass a hunting party on the left side to which the skipper just stares at them and shakes his head and says “I bet you guys thought they only attack from the right side. Common misconception, but this tribe has been attacking from the left since 1971. Oh the 70’s.”
The boat then continues down the Nile, making its way around and looping back behind Schweitzer Falls to look at the world famous Backside of Water! With that, you transition into the Mekong river, an Asian river and are greeted by one of Asia’s most famous residents, a Giant Panda.
Your skipper points out the panda and says “This is the giant panda bear, but in reality, it’s bear-ly a real bear. These guys don’t eat any kind of meat and just eat grass. Reminds me of my last girlfriend.”
As you proceed down the river, you see all kinds of crumbled and barely standing buildings that once made up a small Cambodian village. Here, your skipper explains that this town “got shaken really up after experiencing a magnitude of problems and society crumbled under them.” Soon, you see a Hindu temple that appears to be ready to collapse at any moment. However, there is a narrow passage around the temple.
As the boat approaches the temple, a large pillar that is standing next to the entrance, crashes over, blocking the way around, forcing your skipper to go into the temple.
Upon entering, you notice all kinds of bats on the ceiling by their beady red eyes. In an effort to not frighten the bats, your skipper loudly announces “Bats, we are here as friends!” As expected, the bats are shown to take off (by the red eyes turning off and a bunch of gusts of wind coming from the canopy of the boat) and scare the skipper. As he recollects himself, he stands up and tells you all to be quiet, because apparently bats don’t like loud noises.
As you continue down the temple, you pass by a bengal tiger peering in through a hole in the temple. From the other side of the boat, a monkey gets frightened by the tiger and begins screaming, causing the temple to begin collapsing. The skipper puts the boat on full throttle and the sound of the temple collapsing can be heard. The skipper then says “Phew, glad we got out of that temple. Oh, and don’t turn around because it definitely did collapse and there’s no need for you all to make sure.”
Having exited the temple, you stumbled upon an elephant bathing pool. The skipper points out four golden idols of women and says, “Here you can see Dorothy, Rose, Blanche, and Sophia, the Jungle’s resident Golden Girls. And about seventy percent of this boat definitely didn’t understand that joke.”
Continuing through the bathing pool, the skipper continues to make all kinds of elephant and bathing jokes as he did before the update, reminding you of the original attraction.
Leaving the bathing pool, you finally enter the final area: a Pacific Island area where up above is the bridge to Indiana Jones and all along you are cavern walls. Soon, your boat stops as your skipper announces that the Tiki Gods that are in control of this area don’t like you in their territory. With that, he screams up “Hey tiki gods, I’m sorry about all of this, we’re just trying to get back!”
Suddenly, a geyser erupts and the skipper goes stumbling back. He then warns everyone that the most dangerous part of the jungle is the jungles of Polynesia. Soon, more geysers go off, some colored red and some colored blue. The geysers continue to go off, launching water across the river at each other as your boat is trapped in the middle of it all. However, suddenly the trumpeting of an elephant is heard, and out from the bushes stumbles all of the animals from the jungles you’ve visited. From elephants to tigers, lions, pandas, giraffes, headhunters, jaguars, sloths, piranhas, and all kinds of others.
Thunder strikes and the geysers calm to a bubbling state and all of the animals make their respective noises having saved you. The skipper thanks them and begins returning to the dock. With that finale, he warns you that “It’s a zoo out there.” As you debark, exiting into a gift shop.
The gift shop that you exit into is filled to the brim with all kinds of safari and expedition related items. From safari hats to official jungle cruise handbooks, you see that this shop has everything. As you step outside, you see a big sign that reads “Jungle Trading Co.” sitting right above the entrance to the shop.
You decide that your time in Adventureland has been well spent, but you still have one more ride before heading over to Frontierland. You begin walking to find the old Spanish fort nearly the same as you remembered it. Pirates of the Caribbean has remained, but as you round the corner, you notice that the attraction is visibly different.
You enter the fort only to notice that the boats are already visible, passing by much as they do at the original PotC in Anaheim. However, in the middle of the boating river is a foot bridge. On the right side is the exit dock and the right the loading dock. Directly over the footbridge is a restaurant titled “Blue Bayou” which, according to the menu, serves dishes including pan-seared catfish, frog legs, jambalaya, crayfish, and all kinds of other cajun dishes.
You decide to board the boats, and make your way into the significantly less ridiculously long queue and eventually board your boat. After your entire boat has been filled, you begin slowly cruising down through the Louisiana Bayou where you see a single cabin with an animatronic grandfather with his grandson on his knee as soft banjo music and the croaking of bullfrogs and chirping of crickets can be heard. From a speaker in your boat, you can hear him telling the story of fearsome pirates and treasure, and especially about the most famous pirate in the world: Captain Jack Sparrow.
With that, you pass through a mist wall and plunge down a short hill into a grotto lit only by the moon as you pass through the wreckage of a pirate ship. Before entering the grotto you can see a clearly marked red X in the sand as well as three skeletons of pirates lying on the beach. One is leaning against the cavern wall with a seagull nesting in his hat. Another lays on the beach with a sword protruding through his ribcage. The final skeleton appears to be leaning up against a rock, also with a sword plunged through what was his chest, and stabbed into the rock.
The boat continues down the grotto and passes by what appears to be a hangout for the crew. Two skeletons are propped up in chairs facing each other while a chessboard sits in the middle. The pieces are set at a position where the pieces could not be moved to win, only continue making the same moves for all of eternity in reference to the original easter egg in the queue for the attraction. All along the floor of the cavern are empty bottles of rum, indicating that this chess game was very stressful.
The boat continues through the cavern to find the Captain’s Quarters. The Captain himself is lying in a lavish bed surrounded by empty chests and all kinds of other things a pirate captain may need.
Your boat then exits the cavern and passes a skeletal pirate standing at the wheel of a crashed ship as a storm rages on, blowing wind at your boat, also spraying you with the rain. As you pass by the skeletal pirate, you plunge down a second hill directly into a pirate battle.
On the left side of your boat is a large pirate ship while on the right side is a large Spanish fortress, much like the one you entered through. You notice that Captain Barbossa has been removed from the pirate ship and been replaced with an unnamed pirate captain, who begins shouting about Captain Jack Sparrow and how he will destroy the entire city searching for him. On top of the fortress, a Spanish soldier listens to the pirate as cannons fire at each other, causing water to splash up and get you and the rest of the boat wet.
Soon, your boat passes through the gates of the city of Puerto Dorado and guests see the mayor (Carlos) being tortured by being dunked in a well by a group of pirates asking for the location of the town's treasure as well as Captain Jack Sparrow. Carlos attempts to fight back by saying "I weel not talk!" but instead, he is dunked back under again. A line of other town captives stand in a line, bound as prisoners, waiting their turn at being questioned; one of them shivering in fear. At the same time, Carlos'
proud wife peeks out of an upstairs window, warning him, "Don't tell him, Carlos! Don't be chicken!" However, a pirate sitting by the torture shoots at the window, quickly causes the wife to duck back inside.
Passing by the torture scene, you can see that looking on from between two mannequins is Captain Jack Sparrow.
Next, your boat passes by an auction between drunken pirates trying to sell local women as a sign crudely painted says “Take a Wench for a Bride.” While the Auctioneer is trying to sell off a "stout-hearted and cornfed" wench of the town, the bidders cry out "we wants the redhead" as a flirtatious woman stands tied up, waiting for her turn to go to the highest bidder, with apparent delight. It is then shown, as guest drift forward, that many of the women didn't take kindly to being sold off, as many of them have escaped, and are being chased through town by their pirate suitors.
As you pass by the ransacked city, you see Jack Sparrow peeking out from inside a barrel as a pirate drunkenly sits among the fighting holding up the key to the treasure trove, speaking to a dog about how “Jack Sparrow will never get the map because of how well he’s guarding it, and even if he does, he can’t get into the treasure room without the key” he says gleefully, unknowingly dangling the keys inches in front of Sparrow’s face.
As your boat drifts further into the heart of the town, the pirates get more frantic and the mayhem gets more dangerous as the town is set ablaze. Meanwhile, the pirates have become too drunk to care, as they sing “
A Pirate's Life for Me” blissfully and go about their looting of the village, unaware of the threat that the flaming town has become. The pirates continue singing “A
Pirate's Life for Me” as they stand around with their lit torches burning in their hands, unaware of their surroundings.
O
ne pirate in particular sleeping with
pigs, while another pirate offers some of his rum to a pair of stray
cats. The guests' boat drifts directly under a stone archway under the dangling hairy leg of another pirate.
Your boat continues through the city, drifting into a group of prison cells that are threatened by the looming flames, as are the captive pirates trapped inside. Some of the prisoners are frantically trying to bribe a
prison dog into bringing them the keys to the cell, which the dog holds tauntingly in his jaws. Some prisoners try to get the dog, by either offering a bone or getting his attention, while other prisoners have rope to use to get the dog with. Though the prisoners tried hard to retrieve the dog's keys, the dog never moved from where it was sitting.
Finally you drift into a burning building, guests are suddenly thrust into the midst of burning embers and flaming pillars. From above, ominous creaking sounds echo through the subterranean chamber as the foundations of the buildings above sway and burning beams crack and groan under the pressure. The boats then enter the town's underground arsenal and armory, filled with weapons, cannonballs, and stacked barrels of gunpowder. The drunken pirates are oblivious to the imminent threat, as they take potshots at guests in the boats, the casks of gunpowder, and each other while their shots ricochet off of the walls and armor stored in the room.
The boat finally passes a group of soldiers surrounding Jack Sparrow who is sitting in a room full of treasure. He stands up and says “You will all remember this as the day that you ALMOST caught Captain Jack Sparrow” and disappears as well as lots of loot, somehow.
Afterwards, your boat returns through the bayou and see the old man and his grandson again as the grandson says “Tell me another, tell me another!” and the old man says “I think it’s past your bedtime.” The boat then returns to the dock.
You exit the attraction through the unchanged Pirates Bazaar, which you skip through as you see the old Tortuga Tavern across the path has been redone. You approach to see that the sign still reads “Tortuga Tavern” but also has images of Jack Sparrow, Will Turner, Captain Barbossa, and Elizabeth Swan all walking around. The description reads that it is a character show meal where you can have pictures taken with your favorite pirates while also enjoying a swashbuckling show every half hour.
With that, you end your time in Adventureland and approach the entrance to Frontierland, pausing and looking back at all of the changes that have come, and looking forward to what lies ahead.
Sadly, you’ll have to wait and see what lies ahead in Frontierland, because this concludes our tour of my Adventureland. While I got rid of and change many things in the land, I hope that I did a good job at balancing the thrills, fun, and adventure of Adventureland and I hope that you enjoyed reading it.
