Originally posted by wdwmaniac
Also why would they wait till Christmas 2002 and 2003 to release the two other movies?
Originally posted by James
All right, I admit it. I am one of perhaps six Baby Boomers
who has not read J.R.R.R.R.. Tolkien's trilogy, "The Lord
of the Rings." I do remember that if one had any hope of
being considered reasonably literary and a part of the
Pepsi Generation one absolutely, positively had to read
"Lord of the Rings." I was strongly tempted and even picked
up the books a time or two, skimming through the pages, but
to me they were basically science fiction and I just didn't
have that much interest in that kind of writing.
Oh, I suffered for my obstinacy. I was laughed at,
ridiculed and pointed out as an object of pity because I
had no idea who Randolf the Wizard was or Baggins or
the Habits (who turned out to be tall midgets with hairy
feet who lived in burrows). I also did not understand the
quest for the ring or the heavy symbolism that (evidently)
was dripping from every page but was (also evidently) quite
clear to all my friends. Of course many of these same
friends spent of great deal of their time smoking various
vegetable substances and ingesting other chemicals which
allowed them to find heavy symbolism in the Yellow Pages.
As the years went by my ignorance about the Ring Trilogy
would occasionally become apparent when a reference to the
series would occur and I'd say had not read the books.
Conversations would end in mid-word, heads would spin,
mouths would gape in slack-jawed astonishment. The most
fatuous and pretentious person in the group would always be
the one to say, "YOU haven't read the Lord of the Rings?"
with that accusatory tone I grew to know so well.
Eventually I realized that anyone who became worked up over
my failure to read Mister Tolkien's books obviously needed
to develop a real social life. In fact, I began to revel in
my ignorance and would ask them to tell me about the books.
They would invariably fall into my trap and begin to
discourse on the subject. I'd pretend to listen intently
and then begin to ask increasingly idiotic questions about
the characters, the "plot" and the various locations, all
of which would eventually drive my victim into a
mouth-foaming fury. They would usually end things by
shouting, "Look, just forget it. If you haven't read the
book there's no point in discussing it," and they would go
stomping off. "But wait," I'd say, "Tell me more about Fido
Baggins."
I have passed fifty-five summers on this earth and I still
haven't read the trilogy yet, but I am proud to announce
that I have seen the movie. Today. My girlfriend wanted to
see it and since I prefer to stay on her good side I
readily agreed. So we went. Now I don't normally do movie
reviews in this column, but since this is such a popular
movie and since it's based on the legendary books, I feel
constrained to give you my impression of what we saw on the
big screen. Obviously, since most of you my age have read
the books I won't be giving anything away when I tell you
that Baggins gets killed and eaten by the
Smurfs...Just kidding. Of course there are no Smurfs in
"Lord of the Rings" and doesn't get killed.
Okay, here's what happens. Randolf the Wizard shows up in
Habitville for Baggin's 111th birthday. (Remember,
the Habits are the ones who live in burrows and mighty
fancy burrows they are too) There's a lot of celebrating
and fireworks and then we learn, through flashbacks, that
managed to find this ring that was one of a whole
bunch of rings given to a whole bunch of different people,
but this was like, the main ring of all, sort of the master
ring, which had power over the whole world and it was
forged in secret and then given to some really evil guy
whose name I forget, but who then proceeded to wreck and
wreak havoc.
The good guys had an army and they were attacking and doing
pretty well until the main bad guy, with big sword and his
power ring, came along and started going through them like
a Weed Eater through a field of daisies. Just when it
looked like the end for the good guys, the head good guy
got in a lucky swing and cut off the main bad guy's arm,
the one with the ring, and it fell within reach of the good
guy who took the ring for his own. Well, he was supposed to
toss the ring into a volcano which was the only way it
could be destroyed, but he didn't, keeping the ring for
himself and turning into a bad guy himself.
Well he got his in the end and the ring came into the
possession of a rather unfortunate looking creature named
Gollum who lived in a cave for five hundred years and kept
the ring, probably thinking it would be a chick magnet, but
of course he didn't get a single date and became quite
irritable about it. That's when Baggins somehow found
the ring and he kept it just about all his life. Feeling
old age catching up with him he gives the ring to young
Fido and departs on a long journey from which, he says, he
will not return.
Randolf the Wizard is around for part of this and he
realizes that the ring is bad because it is the source of
all evil, even worse than Howard Stern, and he tells young
Fido that it is his mission to take the ring to the big
volcano and toss it in so it will be destroyed once and for
all because the main bad guy who we though was dead is sort
of coming back to life and he wants his ring back so he can
take over the world or destroy the world or maybe both. Not
only that but it turns out the ring wants to be back with
the main bad guy too and ever so often it starts glowing
and this kind of runic writing becomes visible, although I
never could figure out why.
So young Fido, accompanied by a usurper to some throne, a
guy who says he's a ranger (but doesn't wear a Smoky the
Bear hat), a really hairy dwarf who swings a mean battle
axe, a rather graceful looking guy with long blond hair who
can shoot the eye out of a mosquito with an arrow, and
three other bumbling Habits who provide comic relief, take
the ring and hit the road. This little entourage heads for
the volcano, taking the long way so that some really nifty
computer-generated special effects can occur along with
about forty-two dozen battle sequences with the evil army
of Auks and Emus involving lots of jump-cut close ups of
exploding heads, and various creatures being disemboweled,
disheaded, disarmed, and otherwise disassembled. All of
which is accompanied by a deafening clanging of swords,
guttural snarls, yells, screams, grunts, groans and
maniacal laughter depending on whether someone was being
impaled with an arrow, sword, spear or croquet mallet.
After a great deal of fighting, running, hiding and then
more running and fighting followed by long, soulful looks
from Fido because of the Awesome Responsibility he must
bear as the Keeper of the Ring, as well as the loss of
several members of the band of stalwarts, there is
(surprise!) another battle scene with the Auks after which
Fido and Sam, his Habit companion, take off on their own
because Fido again realizes the Awesome Responsibility he
bears and thinks it's best for him to go it alone which
makes perfect sense since he and Sam are about as tall as a
medium-sized birdbath with the same fighting skills, and
they will be facing roughly fifty-six thousand Auk
soldiers.
So do they make it? Damned if I know. After almost three
hours the movie ended abruptly with Fido and Sam crossing a
river and disappearing into the woods, presumably headed in
the right direction while on the opposite bank the
surviving members of the team decided they would go find
some of the enemy and fight a few more dozen battles.
Did I like the movie? I found it a trifle tedious at times
although the special effects were pretty cool. I was a
little disappointed about the lack of frontal nudity, but I
feel the same way about Mary Poppins. I thought they were
just kidding about the "ending" since nothing ended, but
when I commented about this ("Hey, where the hell's the
rest of the movie?"), I was quickly informed by several
people, including the girlfriend, that this is a trilogy
and it will be continued in the next movie. This seems like
a cheap copout, but there obviously wasn't anything I could
do about it so I guess I'll just have to wait a few months
to find out what happens to and Sam and Fido
Baggins.
:drevil:
Originally posted by Seano846
I just wanted to quote something that long![]()
Originally posted by NowInc
Well..the obvous cut and paste is not something id be too proud of![]()
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