Six and a half years after it opened, I've finally decided I hate the new Star Tours. Not only does the majority of it take inspiration from the awful prequels instead of the original trilogy like the old one did, its biggest problem is, much like Mission Breakout, a lack of narrative in favor of references to things you're familiar with. Really I just want to discuss the queue for the original vs the new and then discuss the ride elements of the new.
In the 1987 Star Tours you start off in the large open room with C3PO and R2-D2 working on fixing the new Starpspeeder 3000. 3PO constantly complains about how awful these new transports are. At the same time, the large screen advertises tours to planets, specifically a heavy push for tours to Endor. You keep going on and you come across G2-9T who's repairing damaged astromech droids. Finally you come across the last show scene in the queue with G2-4T who goes on about how the new Starspeeder 3000s are no good and how Star Tours ordered defective RX pilots. This all accumulates into what will actually happen on the ride with Rex being defective, the Starspeeder being junk, and you're on a trip to the forest moon of Endor. It's all set up and paid off wonderfully.
But now let's look at the new queue. C-3PO and R2-D2 discuss the presence of spies which does tie into the ride "narrative," but other than that it's just random dialogue and advertisements for planet tours, none of which we're going on. In fact, we're not going on any specific tour, but I'll get to that later. Next we have G2-4T again, now all shiny like everything else in the new Star Tours instead of offering that lived in look that the original Star Tours and Star Wars film had, and he does absolutely nothing of value. His entire job is to go on a 20 minute loop clearing bags full of Disney related items instead of progressing the story forward. Hey, remember The Incredibles? How about Goofy? Here you go! To the right of G2-4T, though, there are defected RX pilots in boxes, which not only makes no sense in the context of the timeline, it has no payoff to the current ride and is just a reference to the far better previous version. Just to note, they also introduce a new type of pilot droid, the AC pilot droids, who don't even pilot the new Starspeeder 1000s. Lastly, back to G2-9T, now voiced by Patrick Warburton, who references Soarin' and churros. I do believe there's a line or two about spies again from him but it is hard to know for sure since, unlike the original, the full audio for the queue isn't online.
Ultimately, other than the lines about spies, there's nothing in the queue that is paid off in the ride itself. Instead of getting the story from waiting for 30 minutes in the queue like we should in any good ride, we have to sit through a five minute video full of CGI and slapstick droids right before we board the simulator. There is a good payoff with a joke regarding the new AC pilots, I admit, but I would much have preferred to just see them actually on the ride instead. I mean, they made all these new C-3PO AA's, why not some AC droid AA's instead? Anyways, after s̶i̶t̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ standing through the video, we're finally onboard with C-3PO as our captain! Isn't it great? Because it's C-3PO! You know him! One problem right from the beginning is our flight has no destination in mind, not even a simple "Flight 1138 to Bespin you are clear for departure." It really makes it feel as if there's no motivation for us to be on this transport in the first place making it hard to feel like you're immersed in the world.
So the ride officially starts and everything from this point is just a mess and that's only partially because of the random sequences and 3D. Nothing matters or affects the next part of the ride. Imperials at the start of the ride send us off on our adventure when they're looking for this Rebel Spy, but even if they weren't there wouldn't we have gone off on an adventure anyway? When our ship is shot at or the thrusters don't work, it doesn't mean anything. Everything is so disconnected it makes absolutely no sense.
Lastly, there is one big problem, and it's my biggest problem with the ride, and that's the endless references to things you know on the ride itself. No matter what version you get, you're always going to see Darth Vader, the Millennium Falcon, Slave I, wookiees, gungans, or something you've seen before in the movies. With the exception of flying through the incomplete Death Star above Geonosis and the new ending for Batuu, everything on the ride is just stuff from the movies. Battle of Hoth, Battle of Coruscant, Battle of Naboo, Battle of Crait, Battle of Kashyyyk. Lots of battles in this ride. I know the original was guilty of this as well with having the Death Star trench run despite it being set after Return of the Jedi (please read the explanation on what that is, by the way, it's wonderful), but with the Death Star trench run, that's something every kid wanted to do, same with the Battle of Hoth, but other than Ki Adi Mundi, no one care about the droid attack on the wookiees. Even with the Death Star III, the original still had new ideas such as the Star Tours station and flying through comets, things we've never seen before in Star Wars. This new version offers nothing new which is its greatest sin.
Sorry this post is so long, I didn't plan for it to be, but basically the new Star Tours is a messy, uncreative, and rather boring attraction. Other than the Battle of Hoth, flying through the Death Star, and the ending with the Rebel fleet, there's nothing really good about the entire attraction that wasn't already there in the original version. I'm not saying the Star Tours shouldn't have been updated, but it could've been done so much better.
Also I'm sick of getting Tatooine and Naboo. I always get them. I went on the ride twice last time I was at the park and I got them both both times. I hate it.
In the 1987 Star Tours you start off in the large open room with C3PO and R2-D2 working on fixing the new Starpspeeder 3000. 3PO constantly complains about how awful these new transports are. At the same time, the large screen advertises tours to planets, specifically a heavy push for tours to Endor. You keep going on and you come across G2-9T who's repairing damaged astromech droids. Finally you come across the last show scene in the queue with G2-4T who goes on about how the new Starspeeder 3000s are no good and how Star Tours ordered defective RX pilots. This all accumulates into what will actually happen on the ride with Rex being defective, the Starspeeder being junk, and you're on a trip to the forest moon of Endor. It's all set up and paid off wonderfully.
But now let's look at the new queue. C-3PO and R2-D2 discuss the presence of spies which does tie into the ride "narrative," but other than that it's just random dialogue and advertisements for planet tours, none of which we're going on. In fact, we're not going on any specific tour, but I'll get to that later. Next we have G2-4T again, now all shiny like everything else in the new Star Tours instead of offering that lived in look that the original Star Tours and Star Wars film had, and he does absolutely nothing of value. His entire job is to go on a 20 minute loop clearing bags full of Disney related items instead of progressing the story forward. Hey, remember The Incredibles? How about Goofy? Here you go! To the right of G2-4T, though, there are defected RX pilots in boxes, which not only makes no sense in the context of the timeline, it has no payoff to the current ride and is just a reference to the far better previous version. Just to note, they also introduce a new type of pilot droid, the AC pilot droids, who don't even pilot the new Starspeeder 1000s. Lastly, back to G2-9T, now voiced by Patrick Warburton, who references Soarin' and churros. I do believe there's a line or two about spies again from him but it is hard to know for sure since, unlike the original, the full audio for the queue isn't online.
Ultimately, other than the lines about spies, there's nothing in the queue that is paid off in the ride itself. Instead of getting the story from waiting for 30 minutes in the queue like we should in any good ride, we have to sit through a five minute video full of CGI and slapstick droids right before we board the simulator. There is a good payoff with a joke regarding the new AC pilots, I admit, but I would much have preferred to just see them actually on the ride instead. I mean, they made all these new C-3PO AA's, why not some AC droid AA's instead? Anyways, after s̶i̶t̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ standing through the video, we're finally onboard with C-3PO as our captain! Isn't it great? Because it's C-3PO! You know him! One problem right from the beginning is our flight has no destination in mind, not even a simple "Flight 1138 to Bespin you are clear for departure." It really makes it feel as if there's no motivation for us to be on this transport in the first place making it hard to feel like you're immersed in the world.
So the ride officially starts and everything from this point is just a mess and that's only partially because of the random sequences and 3D. Nothing matters or affects the next part of the ride. Imperials at the start of the ride send us off on our adventure when they're looking for this Rebel Spy, but even if they weren't there wouldn't we have gone off on an adventure anyway? When our ship is shot at or the thrusters don't work, it doesn't mean anything. Everything is so disconnected it makes absolutely no sense.
Lastly, there is one big problem, and it's my biggest problem with the ride, and that's the endless references to things you know on the ride itself. No matter what version you get, you're always going to see Darth Vader, the Millennium Falcon, Slave I, wookiees, gungans, or something you've seen before in the movies. With the exception of flying through the incomplete Death Star above Geonosis and the new ending for Batuu, everything on the ride is just stuff from the movies. Battle of Hoth, Battle of Coruscant, Battle of Naboo, Battle of Crait, Battle of Kashyyyk. Lots of battles in this ride. I know the original was guilty of this as well with having the Death Star trench run despite it being set after Return of the Jedi (please read the explanation on what that is, by the way, it's wonderful), but with the Death Star trench run, that's something every kid wanted to do, same with the Battle of Hoth, but other than Ki Adi Mundi, no one care about the droid attack on the wookiees. Even with the Death Star III, the original still had new ideas such as the Star Tours station and flying through comets, things we've never seen before in Star Wars. This new version offers nothing new which is its greatest sin.
Sorry this post is so long, I didn't plan for it to be, but basically the new Star Tours is a messy, uncreative, and rather boring attraction. Other than the Battle of Hoth, flying through the Death Star, and the ending with the Rebel fleet, there's nothing really good about the entire attraction that wasn't already there in the original version. I'm not saying the Star Tours shouldn't have been updated, but it could've been done so much better.
Also I'm sick of getting Tatooine and Naboo. I always get them. I went on the ride twice last time I was at the park and I got them both both times. I hate it.
