Favorite Jungle Cruise jokes

[Phroobar]

What are your favorite Jungle Cruise jokes?

As we were passing the giant monkey sculpture, the skipper pointed it out as his "Brass Monkey. The funky monkey. Brass Money junky. That funky monkey."
I had another skipper scream out during the piranha attack, "Oh no! We're getting attacked by bubble fish!!"

 

[Consumer]

 

[SuddenStorm]

The first half of the ride has so many great jokes-

the second half now falls flat with redundancy and a ham-fister 'Skipper Felix' story.

My all time favorite ride through was the Jingle Cruise a few years back... the skipper was on point and the holiday themed jokes were surprisingly great.

 

[Phroobar]

The first half of the ride has so many great jokes-

the second half now falls flat with redundancy and a ham-fister 'Skipper Felix' story.

My all time favorite ride through was the Jingle Cruise a few years back... the skipper was on point and the holiday themed jokes were surprisingly great.

Who is Skipper Felix? I know Skipper Dan.

 

[Phroobar]

I also had a skipper that was shot by a spear at the native attack. As he fell over, he put the boat in full speed. He stayed dead until the end of the ride. We almost crashed into the boat in front of us at the docks. It was one of the last boats of the night, so he wanted to go home.

 

[Parteecia]

Many many years ago we got a skipper who was obsessed with ... bamBOO. It was the setup and punchline to every joke. It was pretty funny.

 

[SuddenStorm]

I also had a skipper that was shot by a spear at the native attack. As he fell over, he put the boat in full speed. He stayed dead until the end of the ride. We almost crashed into the boat in front of us at the docks. It was one of the last boats of the night, so he wanted to go home.

I actually think I'd enjoy seeing this in person- even if it flies directly in the face of the 'Walt insisted on a 7 minute ride time' story the Disney company likes to tell.

 

[Rich T]

“Oh, my gosh, it’s a full grown African elephant, standing just a few yards from us! Folks, savor this moment, for I guarantee you will never see anything like this ever agai— … Never mind.”

 

[waltography]

I also had a skipper that was shot by a spear at the native attack. As he fell over, he put the boat in full speed. He stayed dead until the end of the ride. We almost crashed into the boat in front of us at the docks. It was one of the last boats of the night, so he wanted to go home.

Oh man, that'd make my night.

 

[Sailor310]

Many many years ago we got a skipper who was obsessed with ... bamBOO. It was the setup and punchline to every joke. It was pretty funny.

I was going to mention him, but it didn't sound very funny as I tried to write it out. " Over here you have bamboo. Say it with me, bamboo. And over here you have some more.....bamboo. Say it with me again, bamboo."

 

[Parteecia]

I was going to mention him, but it didn't sound very funny as I tried to write it out. " Over here you have bamboo. Say it with me, bamboo. And over here you have some more.....bamboo. Say it with me again, bamboo."

Yes! Thank you. Sometimes my friend and I wondered if it wasn't just a shared hallucination.

 

[Sailor310]

....and over here, behind this African bull elephant, you can see bamboo. Say it with me, bamboo.

 

[Phroobar]

On the right you will the amazing, the incredible, the ninth wonder of the world! The front side of Rock!

 

[MarvelCharacterNerd]

On the right you will the amazing, the incredible, the ninth wonder of the world! The front side of Rock!

Darn it - they put The Rock in Jungle Cruise? I thought that tie-in got cancelled!

 

[Buried20KLeague]

Said about the villagers…

“This is the Britney tribe. I hope they don’t hit me one more time with their Britney Spears!”

 

[Buried20KLeague]

We were once there as the last boat of the night, and it was LATE. Like 1am.

We boarded with two other couples. No kids.

We left the dock and the skipper asked if we wanted the blue cruise.

He had all of us move to the front and he put down the mic.

We then proceeded to hear the most raunchy x rated cruise ever. And it was glorious.

 

[Phroobar]

Do you remember any of the jokes? Just whisper them. The mom won't hear them .

 

[Buried20KLeague]

Do you remember any of the jokes? Just whisper them. The mom won't hear them .

Honestly I really don’t… it was the night before we went to the first pirates premiere they had at Disneyland…. It was quite a while ago.

That was a whole story unto itself. We walked the red carpet (where I got into it a bit with Janice Dickinson), ate dinner with the cast…. Watched the movie sitting next to Lauren holly, went to the after party. Rode the haunted mansion alone with John lasseter and his family.

That whole weekend was surreal. And it started with a cussing skipper the night before. Lol

 

[CaptainAmerica]

My favorite Jungle Cruise moment was when a duck was riding one of the animatronic hippos up and down and the skipper grabbed her revolver and started shooting. I almost peed my pants laughing.

 

[Lilofan]

The joke was at MK in Feb 2020, loaded with guests, the Jungle Cruise boat took on water and started to sink.