Disney's Artemis Fowl

[Magenta Panther]

Yikes. I figured it'd be bad. But not THAT bad!

The review from Capital Times:
"If you haven't read the "Artemis Fowl" books, you'll have a hard time following the movie. If you have read the "Artemis Fowl" books, you'll have a hard time liking the movie." - Rob Thomas

Sounds about right.

I had a hard time liking the books. Didn't make it through the first one.

EDITED: BRB, if you like the books, fine. We all like different things. I'm still waiting for a GOOD animated adaptation of the Narnia books. But we don't always get what we want...

 

[Magic Crush Drop]

The movie felt like there was no story or an arc. I didn't get attached to anyone. I was confused the whole time. Overall, it felt somehow worse than Mars Needs Moms.

 

[MisterPenguin]

Awful.

Nutcracker and the Four Seasons awful.

It does everything wrong that should happen in a movie. It is the opposite of entertainment.

Another live-action dud from Disney Studios as they try to adapt a kid/YA book into a movie and hope they hit Harry Potter gold.

This is why Disney Studios does all the remakes/reboots/live-action-versions of previous successful movies because these make a profit (or at least break even -ish.

Their attempts at new stories, almost always based "beloved children's/young adult's books/comics" just keep being bad and failing.

Before Kathleen Kennedy 'gets fired,' it's Alan Horn's studio that keeps failing. Why is he still working?

 

[BrianLo]

Before Kathleen Kennedy 'gets fired,' it's Alan Horn's studio that keeps failing. Why is he still working?

Everyone reports up to Alan technically and unfortunately even boiling down to just Disney live-action Studios... it still outperforms most other movie studios. Yes obviously by milking their animated classics.

I think in general studios need to stop adapting books, especially when they all have direct to consumer models where a TV show is far more adept at telling these stories.

Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter are aberrations really. A dying model that isn't working for any studio.

 

[MisterPenguin]

 

[Pangyal]

We actually just watched this and after doing so, I feel it’s safe to say that the Pitch Meeting was far more entertaining than the movie looks to be...

 

[Letteyeti]

I watched the movie and I what it really lacked for me was direction. There really didn’t seem like much sense to it all. Honestly the only reason I watched the entire movie was for Josh Gad.

 

[MisterPenguin]

I watched the movie and I what it really lacked for me was direction. There really didn’t seem like much sense to it all. Honestly the only reason I watched the entire movie was for Josh Gad.

And the annoying gravelly voice kept appearing and disappearing once his character was part of the story. Clear lack of direction.

 

[Phroobar]

I've read and enjoyed all of the Artemis Fowl books. The problem here is that it was all setup for a better movie and book. They skipped entire book plot points for narration from an already thin story. They made Artemis a clueless little brat kid and not a criminal mastermind who is always one step ahead of the opponent. He demonstrates none of those traits. He should have started out tricking a fairy in Shanghai into giving up her the book instead of the kidnapping the dad subplot. They even showed this scene in the first trailer. The point of the first book was to make his sick mom better not to rescue his dad from Opel. Those plot points were in the second book.

There was no character development going on. The kid playing Artemis looked like he was being fed lines. Butler's daughter was barely in the movie even though she had a significant role in the book. Why does Judy Dench sound like she has throat cancer? Artemis's budding friendship with Holly Short happens a lot more gradually in the book than a five minute turn around would lead you to believe.

This movie goes to show Disney purposely tanked this one just like they did with John Carter and Solo. It was in development hell way too long and went through too many directors and writers. Does Disney do anything right anymore?

 

[MisterPenguin]

I've read and enjoyed all of the Artemis Fowl books. The problem here is that it was all setup for a better movie and book.

I was viscerally angry that the villain's voice and face were continually shrouded. It was so obviously of the purposeful intention of keeping the villain a blank slate so that for a sequel, they can drop in any available big-name actor regardless of their age or gender or race.

Shame, Disney Studios. Shame.

 

[Magicart87]

I was viscerally angry that the villain's voice and face were continually shrouded. It was so obviously of the purposeful intention of keeping the villain a blank slate so that for a sequel, they can drop in any available big-name actor regardless of their age or gender or race.

Shame, Disney Studios. Shame.

It's like the movie was written by producers instead of you know, writers.

 

[Phroobar]

I was viscerally angry that the villain's voice and face were continually shrouded. It was so obviously of the purposeful intention of keeping the villain a blank slate so that for a sequel, they can drop in any available big-name actor regardless of their age or gender or race.

Shame, Disney Studios. Shame.

They should have just stuck with book 1 and not bring in elements from book 2.

 

[Tony Perkis]

Now under 10% on Rotten Tomatoes.

 

[erasure fan1]

Does Disney do anything right anymore?

Disney live action? That's a big fat nope. The only live action studio doing anything right, is Marvel. Disney was at least smart to dump it to D+.

 

[Disney Crazed]

I was looking forward to this cuz I liked the books. I just have one word for the movie though. STUNK

 

[seascape]

I was looking forward to this cuz I liked the books. I just have one word for the movie though. STUNK

Hopefully Disney Plus will make a series out of this and properly develop the characters and stories. The problem with a 90 to 120 minute movie is its next to impossible to do this story justice.

 

[Screamface]

So this doesn't even have a hate watch factor of being bad?

 

[Magic Crush Drop]

So this doesn't even have a hate watch factor of being bad?

nope

 

[Phroobar]

So this doesn't even have a hate watch factor of being bad?

It is even hard to riff.

 

[thomas998]

Yikes. I figured it'd be bad. But not THAT bad!

The review from Capital Times:
"If you haven't read the "Artemis Fowl" books, you'll have a hard time following the movie. If you have read the "Artemis Fowl" books, you'll have a hard time liking the movie." - Rob Thomas

Sounds about right.

That's pretty much the consensus in my family. I had one daughter that loved the books the other and myself had never heard of them.... The daughter familiar with it didn't even finish the movie she was so disgusted with how the changed characters from the book (it seems the diversity and inclusion patrol took a first crack and performed gender and racial magic to get the movie up to the acceptable PC levels), my other daughter and I slogged through to the end... and it was truly slogging through because it seemed like the longest movie ever which never really went anywhere. Very predictable and just down right boring. If I had paid to see it in a theater I would have been mad... if I had been smarter I would have followed my older daughters lead and stop watching early on and done something else... Maybe watched paint dry or something like that which would have been more exciting.