Disney Bride & Groom Forego Catering, Host Mickey & Minnie instead

[Disstevefan1]

I hope the wedding guests forgo giving a gift to get something to eat at the "PLENTY of facilities at the venue where people could eat"

 

[Weather_Lady]

Around here it's more of "the bride and groom " get to decide. I went to a wedding last November, no full meal just small tapas plates and a cupcakes bar.
Now they did say that on the rsvp card so I wasn't expecting dinner, maybe that's the issue but no one I know blinks an eye at "alternative " celebrations.
We're definitely along the lines of "it's the brides day". That's what my late husband and I did and I don't think that made us "selfish"

To me, that's the distinction that changes everything: if the invitation indicates there won't be a meal or that something lighter will be served, then there's no issue. The bride and groom have graciously provided their guests with all the information they need, and those guests cannot be heard to complain about it later. If an invitation doesn't clearly state that, however -- especially where the wedding is a destination wedding being held in a banquet-type facility -- it's normal and reasonable for guests to expect something to eat, and to be disappointed if they've traveled many miles to get there, only to be pointed to a vending machine.

I also didn't mean to suggest that a bride and groom who personalize their wedding to reflect their own preferences and personalities are being "selfish," because that's not true. The original post was about a bride who was given thousands of dollars by someone else to spend on food for her guests, decided to spend all of it on herself instead, and failed to clearly inform her guests that they'd be expected to forage for their own meals. It was that rather extreme (and possibly fake, since Reddit took it down) breach of common courtesy to which I was reacting, and not to the bride's desire to have her love of Disney reflected in her wedding.

 

[Brian]

Some wedding vendors require a meal as part of their contract. I wonder if Mickey & Minnie were fed?

 

[Jacob Marley]

For those of you saying it's THEIR wedding and it's THEIR decision what to do... I get what you're saying... to a point. But answer me this (honestly).

Let's say I invited you to a Super Bowl party at my house. It's my house, not yours. I state there will be snacks and refreshments provided, you RSVP, everything is set.

You arrive at my house with all the other party goers. Once inside, you realize when I said "snacks and refreshments", what I really meant was chips, pretzels, and ice water, because I decided to spend the money I had set aside for other meal items on giant Mickey & Minnie plush decorations and other party favors. Am I wrong for this? It is my home after all, not yours.

 

[UNCgolf]

I have never been to a wedding that didn't provide food. I think basically everyone assumes an evening wedding will include a meal -- if it's a noon wedding, you might only expect some light snacks/refreshments, but still some sort of food.

If the invitations were very specific that there would be no meal, then it's fine. People had the option to attend or not. If it didn't say, or worse, obfuscated by mentioning food would be available (without telling people it wasn't included as part of the reception), then that's very poor form by the bride/groom. I'd be pretty unhappy.

 

[Smiley/OCD]

If I was invited to this wedding under these “unclear” meal pretenses, my wife would stay while I run out and get a dozen White Castle sliders, come back in, proceed to eat them at my table, leave the boxes in a pile, go home and stop payment on the check…I can be tacky too and it would be the best $35.00 for the stop payment fee I ever spent.

 

[Dear Prudence]

For those of you saying it's THEIR wedding and it's THEIR decision what to do... I get what you're saying... to a point. But answer me this (honestly).

Let's say I invited you to a Super Bowl party at my house. It's my house, not yours. I state there will be snacks and refreshments provided, you RSVP, everything is set.

You arrive at my house with all the other party goers. Once inside, you realize when I said "snacks and refreshments", what I really meant was chips, pretzels, and ice water, because I decided to spend the money I had set aside for other meal items on giant Mickey & Minnie plush decorations and other party favors. Am I wrong for this? It is my home after all, not yours.

There's a difference between a life-changing event where you're entering into a legally binding contract with another person and a super bowl party, though. Super Bowls come around once a year. Weddings are only supposed to have once a lifetime.

 

[WondersOfLife]

I bet many would not go if they knew food wasn't going to be provided.

Then they probably shouldn’t be attending the wedding in the first place.

And you know what, you can be proud of being as tacky as you want but I understand your parents embarrassment with putting TP and video games,, unless it was a joke.

If we put down $400 furniture pieces and fine China, we would either not get anything at all, or we just wouldn’t want of use them. Making an Amazon list of things we will actually use, and is more affordable for everyone... well, there’s nothing wrong with that. Times change. Nobody wants a China set in their house anymore. (at least none that I know of)

“they won't mind as long as I'm happy."

I expect that, and I expect the same at others weddings, too. It’s not about me. It’s about the bride and groom. You are a familiar face, friend, family member there to celebrate the bond of love. Not to be the one who is only showing up because food is there.


Judging by all of the “If there’s no food, I’m not going to your wedding” posts, I have become super grateful for the circle that surrounds me. Heaven help yalls relationships in life.

 

[WondersOfLife]

For those of you saying it's THEIR wedding and it's THEIR decision what to do... I get what you're saying... to a point. But answer me this (honestly).

Let's say I invited you to a Super Bowl party at my house. It's my house, not yours. I state there will be snacks and refreshments provided, you RSVP, everything is set.

You arrive at my house with all the other party goers. Once inside, you realize when I said "snacks and refreshments", what I really meant was chips, pretzels, and ice water, because I decided to spend the money I had set aside for other meal items on giant Mickey & Minnie plush decorations and other party favors. Am I wrong for this? It is my home after all, not yours.

You’re comparing a wedding to a super bowl party... That party isn’t about you.

If you were planning a wedding and there was pretzels, chips, and water, that’d be fine. It’d also be fine if you ended up not having anything at all. Because I’m not there for lunch. I’m there to celebrate you. If I’m at your wedding, you mean something to me, and weddings are already as expensive as it is, so I would understand. I’ll grab some McDonald’s on the way out.

Congratulations.

 

[MickeyLuv'r]

General etiquette says food should be served at a wedding, though it does not matter what type of food, and the invitation should give some indication of what type of food will be provided. (meal, light refreshments, dessert)

It is my understanding that this goes back to ancient custom.

I have never been to a wedding where food was not served, most often a meal. It is sometimes legally required to have food if serving alcohol. I could see some venues requiring food of some kind be served if alcohol is requested.

It is their wedding, but this doesn't not reflect well on their character.

Alas, if the whole thing is a ruse, though, that might be the joke.

 

[Club Cooloholic]

Then they probably shouldn’t be attending the wedding in the first place.

If we put down $400 furniture pieces and fine China, we would either not get anything at all, or we just wouldn’t want of use them. Making an Amazon list of things we will actually use, and is more affordable for everyone... well, there’s nothing wrong with that. Times change. Nobody wants a China set in their house anymore. (at least none that I know of)

I expect that, and I expect the same at others weddings, too. It’s not about me. It’s about the bride and groom. You are a familiar face, friend, family member there to celebrate the bond of love. Not to be the one who is only showing up because food is there.


Judging by all of the “If there’s no food, I’m not going to your wedding” posts, I have become super grateful for the circle that surrounds me. Heaven help yalls relationships in life.

Nobody is talking about fine China. But toilet paper and video games? A wedding is a passage to a next level of maturity. You said yourself your mother was embarrassed and she was right.

And yes, if you invite me to party, and even go so far as to expect a gift, wedding party, anniversary or birthday party whatever, I expect food. To not provide that and say well it's all about me is rude. What you will order a pizza for yourself and sit there and just stare at the guests while you eat it? I assume it's a wedding cupcake not a cake? Plain and simple that would be rude.

 

[Pepper's Ghost]

For those of you saying it's THEIR wedding and it's THEIR decision what to do... I get what you're saying... to a point. But answer me this (honestly).

Let's say I invited you to a Super Bowl party at my house. It's my house, not yours. I state there will be snacks and refreshments provided, you RSVP, everything is set.

You arrive at my house with all the other party goers. Once inside, you realize when I said "snacks and refreshments", what I really meant was chips, pretzels, and ice water, because I decided to spend the money I had set aside for other meal items on giant Mickey & Minnie plush decorations and other party favors. Am I wrong for this? It is my home after all, not yours.

I agree with a few others that a wedding isn't a SB party. That said, I agree that expectations of a meal or something of substance to eat is universal at both of these occasions. I've never... NEVER been to a wedding where a full dinner wasn't served. Granted, some are fantastic, and others not as much. The least common denominator however was a meal of some kind.

For those who say it's not about the guests, you're absolutely right in that assertion. HOWEVER, being completely oblivious to your guests, and rudely withholding at least something to eat while showing everybody that the world revolves around you is pure cr@p. You don't have to give a spectacular meal, but the level of which you make your guests feel that they're important is very telling about how you feel about them. Providing no food while spending the food money on yourself tells everyone else that you're incredibly selfish and really don't care if they're there or not. Fine if that's the way you are, but man it's a lonely life when people learn it's always only about you. Btw, it's not that they couldn't afford the meals for guests. They had the money to spend because it was given to them. They just basically told all their friends and family to go eff themselves because we don't care about you in the least. Oh, btw, where's our wedding gift???

If I was invited to this wedding under these “unclear” meal pretenses, my wife would stay while I run out and get a dozen White Castle sliders, come back in, proceed to eat them at my table, leave the boxes in a pile, go home and stop payment on the check…I can be tacky too and it would be the best $35.00 for the stop payment fee I ever spent.

I love a $65 steak, but I'd be happy as a pig in [stuff] to get a plate of Whitecastles. I've been to a wedding where a fine meal was served at dinner time, and around 10pm the groomsmen came in with about $600 of Whitecastles which was a half block away. That was AWESOME!

 

[WondersOfLife]

Nobody is talking about fine China. But toilet paper and video games? A wedding is a passage to a next level of maturity. You said yourself your mother was embarrassed and she was right.

My mother was talking about fine China though. And guess what, everyone had FUN with our list. And guess what again?? Someone actually got us the toilet paper! Geeeez. You guys are obviously super fun at parties.

And yes, if you invite me to party, and even go so far as to expect a gift,

I think that is a misconception. Most people don’t expect gifts. Even after making the affordable Amazon wish list, we still didn’t expect anything. We just made one because people asked for it. I doubt the couple in the article would have cared, too. It matters more to just show up. And it should mean enough to you to just show up as well.

wedding party, anniversary or birthday party whatever, I expect food.

Then I wouldn’t expect you to be there.

To not provide that and say well it's all about me is rude.

It’s not. A wedding is literally all about me. That is the entire purpose of a wedding. For everyone to show up and celebrate “us.” Whether food is there or not is up to the bride and groom. Whether you show up or not is up to you (and the extent of your relationship with the couple).

What you will order a pizza for yourself and sit there and just stare at the guests while you eat it?

I could do that, yes. If it’s my wedding. And if they did it at their wedding, I’d be fine with that as well.

I assume it's a wedding cupcake not a cake?

I dont see anything wrong with that either. Hardly anyone even ate the cake at our wedding, was a waste of money.

Plain and simple that would be rude.

That’s crazy. The only thing I would think to be rude is to not be invited to my friends/family’s wedding in the first place. I’d just be glad to be there.

 

[Dear Prudence]

I have such a dim view of weddings and the money spent on them, maybe this can broaden the conversation about how we as a society spend money on weddings, period.

 

[jloucks]

I have such a dim view of weddings and the money spent on them, maybe this can broaden the conversation about how we as a society spend money on weddings, period.

I do have a certain level of respect for those that elope and actually do make it only about themselves.

...or have a small local public park wedding that takes about 45 minutes costs $100-$300.

 

[DryerLintFan]

My mother was talking about fine China though. And guess what, everyone had FUN with our list. And guess what again?? Someone actually got us the toilet paper! Geeeez. You guys are obviously super fun at parties.

I think that is a misconception. Most people don’t expect gifts. Even after making the affordable Amazon wish list, we still didn’t expect anything. We just made one because people asked for it. I doubt the couple in the article would have cared, too. It matters more to just show up. And it should mean enough to you to just show up as well.

Then I wouldn’t expect you to be there.

It’s not. A wedding is literally all about me. That is the entire purpose of a wedding. For everyone to show up and celebrate “us.” Whether food is there or not is up to the bride and groom. Whether you show up or not is up to you (and the extent of your relationship with the couple).

I could do that, yes. If it’s my wedding. And if they did it at their wedding, I’d be fine with that as well.

I dont see anything wrong with that either. Hardly anyone even ate the cake at our wedding, was a waste of money.

That’s crazy. The only thing I would think to be rude is to not be invited to my friends/family’s wedding in the first place. I’d just be glad to be there.

To this point, we literally put PLEASE NO PRESENTS on our invites and got a ton of presents.

Same with my daughters birthdays. I beg people not to bring anything but they always do.

 

[eliza61nyc]

For those of you saying it's THEIR wedding and it's THEIR decision what to do... I get what you're saying... to a point. But answer me this (honestly).

Let's say I invited you to a Super Bowl party at my house. It's my house, not yours. I state there will be snacks and refreshments provided, you RSVP, everything is set.

You arrive at my house with all the other party goers. Once inside, you realize when I said "snacks and refreshments", what I really meant was chips, pretzels, and ice water, because I decided to spend the money I had set aside for other meal items on giant Mickey & Minnie plush decorations and other party favors. Am I wrong for this? It is my home after all, not yours.

No I don't think your wrong at all.

General etiquette says food should be served at a wedding, though it does not matter what type of food, and the invitation should give some indication of what type of food will be provided. (meal, light refreshments, dessert)

It is my understanding that this goes back to ancient custom.

I have never been to a wedding where food was not served, most often a meal. It is sometimes legally required to have food if serving alcohol. I could see some venues requiring food of some kind be served if alcohol is requested.

It is their wedding, but this doesn't not reflect well on their character.

Alas, if the whole thing is a ruse, though, that might be the joke.

Here (philadelphia and nyc) it will depend on the venue. My reception was held at a catering hall so there were a variety of options for meals. Lol I think my guest were slap happy because we had an open bar.
My brother and his wife had it in a VFW hall so they had to get a caterer. They kept it very light, finger foods period. No meal. Now there reception was at 1 so I think because of that time people did not expect a dinner

I also don't get this connection between a meal and getting a gift. Once again, I gift people because I love them or at least really like them, NOT because they fed me. Why not just skip it if the relationship is so shallow that they only way you'll contribute is if it's reciprocated??

 

[DryerLintFan]

No I don't think your wrong at all.

Here (philadelphia and nyc) it will depend on the venue. My reception was held at a catering hall so there were a variety of options for meals. Lol I think my guest were slap happy because we had an open bar.
My brother and his wife had it in a VFW hall so they had to get a caterer. They kept it very light, finger foods period. No meal. Now there reception was at 1 so I think because of that time people did not expect a dinner

I had a friend get married in one of those cool park structures once and they had like 150 pizzas delivered and popped open a couple kegs and I know it's not classy or whatever but it was the most fun wedding I've been to ever

 

[Vegas Disney Fan]

I have such a dim view of weddings and the money spent on them, maybe this can broaden the conversation about how we as a society spend money on weddings, period.

I think this is why I liked the Florida beach wedding so much (even with no food), they could have spent the same amount on a bigger (catered) wedding at home but they decided a wedding vacation with friends and getting married on the beach would be more fun, and they were 100% right.

 

[Dear Prudence]

I had a friend get married in one of those cool park structures once and they had like 150 pizzas delivered and popped open a couple kegs and I know it's not classy or whatever but it was the most fun wedding I've been to ever

That sounds like a wedding I would actually go to.