Advice: How do you tell someone you have no interest in taking a trip with them?

Shouldigo12

Well-Known Member
Original Poster
I wasn't sure whether to put this in the WDW General Discussion forum or here; I decided to post it here since, while this all started with a WDW trip, it's not about WDW specifically. Plus, this is about a family member and how to have what I'm pretty sure is going to be a long and frustrating conversation, not about the place itself, so it didn't feel appropriate to post in the General Discussion. If I'm wrong though, I'll delete this and post it there instead.

I originally had a much longer post too, but I decided not to bore you all with every little detail that led to me making this point and the complex relationship I have with the family member who wants to take the trip. For a quick summary of the situation: Three years ago I went to WDW. This family member wanted to come. I love this person and they love, but we have a complicated relationship and, well, they aren't very nice. We struggle to get along for more than a few hours at a time. So I managed to convince them it was too late for them to join and thought that would be the end of it. Nope. For the past three years, they've been trying to get my mom and I (who also went on the trip) to go on another trip with them, and aren't taking "No" for an answer anymore. It's to the point where I think a difficult conversation needs to be had, but I don't know how to go about it. How do you go about telling someone "I don't want to take a trip with you because you can't go more than an hour without being mean to me, and I think we'll be at each other's throats before we get to the airport?" If I'm honest about the reason, it's going to be a fight and is going to damage an already very rocky relationship. But they're not taking any other reason I could think of for an answer, and they've made it clear they aren't giving up on the idea of going on a trip with us until we give in and say yes.

Does anyone have any experience with something like this? How would you go about shutting down the idea of a vacation together without hurting their feelings? Would it be be better to tell the truth and try to fix the damage after, or give a lie that might go down smoother? I don't this isn't quite as light-hearted as some of the threads in this forum, but I would appreciate any advice people have.
 

Goofyernmost

Well-Known Member
Or you could just be honest and tell the truth. Say what you said to us... "you can't go an hour without being mean to me" so I have no interest in feeling hurt for not wanting it to continue. You really didn't give us much information, for example, what is your definition of being mean to you? Without that it is impossible to give any guidance. The fact is we don't have to know. If you don't want to be around this person then you have nothing to lose by being honest. We shouldn't have to make excuses for not wanting to be abused.
 

Shouldigo12

Well-Known Member
Original Poster
Or you could just be honest and tell the truth. Say what you said to us... "you can't go an hour without being mean to me" so I have no interest in feeling hurt for not wanting it to continue. You really didn't give us much information, for example, what is your definition of being mean to you? Without that it is impossible to give any guidance. The fact is we don't have to know. If you don't want to be around this person then you have nothing to lose by being honest. We shouldn't have to make excuses for not wanting to be abused.
My first draft was a lot longer and delved deep into the different things she's done over the years, but I decided to cut it down when I realized it was turning into a biography. To try and be short, the person is my grandma. She isn't as bad with me- I mostly just get a lot of comments critisizing my appearance, my personality, and my skills- but she was abusive and extremely negligent to my mother growing up. I don't want to share the personal details of that because they're not my details to share, but...it was bad, and my grandma denies any of it happened when it gets brought up. It's why I was considering just lying, because she can't admit to the ways she hurts people.

But, maybe that does need to be part of the conversation. Thank you for the reply.
 

networkpro

Well-Known Member
In the Parks
Yes
:) I've been in a very similar situation and sorry to say it's with my brother. We are very different and chose different paths in life so we cant relate for anything more than just being siblings. He's just a person with a laissez-faire worldview that didn't achieve much. We go our own directions which is from a large extended southern family perspective is not normal. I get along with my cousins better as they all work hard.

No need to get confrontational, just say I'd rather not I have other things planned.
 

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