Saturday May 8- Sunday May 9
Cast of Characters:
Melissa (Me): 30, prosecuting attorney, longtime Disney nut, lost count of how many trips after about 20, Annual Passholder usually, except for this trip (note to self: MUST renew ASAP!) Lives in Atlanta suburbs
Marie: early 20’s, probation officer, hasn’t been to WDW since she was 16; lives in Atlanta suburbs
Heather: early 20’s, accountant, hasn’t been to WDW since 8th grade; drove over from Tampa.
My goal: Show the semi-newbies as much as is possible in 2 short days, and get them hooked, so I’ll have future travel partners.
First a little background: Marie and I used to work together and Heather and Marie grew up together. All 3 of us, along with 2 others, traveled to Europe over New Years to battle my mini-mid-life crisis over turning 30. This was a little reunion trip. As Marie and I both have new jobs, it was pretty much impossible to take time off of work for a longer, less whirlwind vacation. So, we found a great Airtran sale rate, and I used my government rate of 149 a night at the Swan for a quick 2 day, 2 night stay.
Saturday, May 8, 2004
Marie spent the night at my house on Friday night, and we woke early early to catch our 7:15 flight to MCO. We stopped on our way to the gate for morning coffee at the Seattle’s Best Coffee, and spent FOREVER waiting for this one woman who was certainly in no hurry to get anyone a latte. You would think that you would understand that time is of the essence, especially when you actually WORK IN the airport… nonetheless, we made it to the gate just as they were boarding, and landed in Orlando around 8:30am. Marie got Heather on the Nextel to see where she was, and when we should be expecting her at the Swan. She said she’d be there around 10. We went to the Alamo desk to pick up our reserved convertible (ok, so I splurged a little, and it was worth it!) and had no problems getting checked out. What was surprising to me was the whole “go pick out a car” thing… I’d never rented a car at MCO before, and I’m used to getting a key, checking the car for damage, signing the paperwork, and all that. Here, the happy lady just said, Go pick out a convertible! So, we had our choice of 3 identical white Chrysler Touring convertibles. I stuck my nose in each one to see which smelled the best, and we piled our bags in, put the top down, found some tunes on the radio, and we were off!
On our way to the Swan, I realized that my eyes were bloodshot again (this will be a recurring theme all weekend), and that I had forgotten my sunglasses in my Bug at the Airport park n fly. So, we pulled into Crossroads, and went into Goodings where I bought more eye drops, and a ‘cheap’ pair of trendy sunglasses for the bargain low-low price of 16 bucks. What a racket. So, I pop in the contacts, put on the sunglasses and we drive through Downtown Disney and make it to the Swan almost at 10 on the nose. Heather is waiting for us in the parking lot. (Side note: Marie made the very interesting comment about what a bag of laughs we must sound like—a lawyer, a probation officer, and an accountant—we sound like the makings of a very bad joke…) We grab our bags, and I warn my 2 newbie friends that we may not get a great view b/c I’ve been reading on my message boards that discounted rooms aren’t usually the great ones, and I also tell them we should keep our fingers crossed that our room will be ready. So, I begin to invoke the magic that IS Disney and we walk to the check-in desk. The very cheerful girl checks us in, I show her my county government ID, and she tells us our room is ready, room 944. I’m thinking, high up, ok, this is good… So, we head up the elevators, walk down the hall and at the end of the hall, through the round window is a perfect shot of Spaceship Earth. Our room is the last on the hall on the right. We open the door, and I notice that we have a corner room and 2 windows… and I gingerly open the curtains to find the MOST AMAZING VIEW… on one side is the most perfect shot of Spaceship Earth, and on the other, is a great view of MGM. Looking down, we could see the canal/river with the FreindShips and the back side of the Boardwalk and the yacht and Beach Club. It was the best view of any Disney room I have ever had. Boy, we were off to a great start. Of course, my luck is never good with this sort of thing, so I was waiting for something, anything, to go wrong. So far nothing had, and I was getting a little concerned. Don’t worry,though, the other shoe was soon to drop.
I had made the mistake of letting my AP expire in March, and the budget just wasn’t going to let me renew it this trip, so we were getting UPH for 2 days, at a great rate of 129 each. I thought this was a great deal considering a 1 day pass is 56 bucks. So, for roughly 20 bucks more, you get hopping privileges, not to mention water parks, and all the other stuff (which we didn’t have time to, nor intended to, use). So, I stepped up to the Disney ticket counter at the Swan and asked for the 2 day UPH, and this snippy little woman said, “No.” I said, “What do you mean, no? No, you don’t have them? No I can’t buy them? No what?” She said, “The computer is offline and you can’t buy that particular ticket.” My question: “Well, what am I supposed to do about tickets for the day then?” Her reply: “Go to a park, and buy a 1 day ticket.” Me: “Well, we wanted to park hop today, and we can’t do that with a 1 day ticket.” Her: “Well, when you want to hop, come back here, and IF the system is online, we can upgrade you to a UPH.” Me: “IF?” Her: “Yes, IF.” So, instead of going into lawyer-cross-examination mode, I just crossed my fingers that the powers of Magic would remedy the situation later. Then I had to explain the situation to the semi-newbies, who comprehended things very well. By this point, I wasn’t feeling very magical. I wouldn’t have been so upset by this if this CM had been apologetic or even just a teensy bit nice. She was just plain crabby.
So, we hop into the convertible (I was feeling more magical already) and drove to Animal Kingdom. It was about 11am by this point, and it was getting pretty sultry out. We hop onto the tram with no wait, and walk up to the ticket counter, where the line is about 40 PEOPLE long… Now, as a Annual Passholder, I have a rule that I don’t stand in lines that are longer than 20 minutes generally. I certainly don’t stand in lines to buy tickets. How bourgeoisie…me, an annual passholder, stooping to stand in lines with the masses to buy a ticket? Certainly not… (Ok, for those of you who aren’t great at reading sarcasm, that was just it.) So, as I’m standing there, in the heat, with all the masses, I look past the ticket counters and see that the Guest Relations windows are open and EMPTY. Now, I had previously told Marie and Heather that if they see me bolt quickly somewhere, there is a reason, and they should follow as quickly as possible. I jumped the rope, and booked it to the GR window. “One day ticket please.” No problem, and 5 seconds later, I had my little ticket in my hand. Marie and Heather followed suit. I asked the GR guy about what the chick at the Swan said about upgrading from the 1 day ticket to the UPH and if they could do that. He said he’d never heard of it, but if they said it, then they must be able to do it, and since the system was offline, they must be making concessions. So, I told Marie and Heather to save their receipts to covers our you-know-whats in case we needed to show them to the ticket nazi at the Swan.
We headed into the lush greenscape of Animal Kingdom. The goal here was to give them a feel for the park, and then head to the Magic Kingdom for the rest of the day. I looked at the tip board and couldn’t figure out why there were no lines for anything but there were sooo many people everywhere! There was virtually no wait for It’s Tough to be a Bug, so we meandered through the line and saw the show. I had told Marie and Heather nothing about the show, so they were surprised with the effects. There was the usual light interruption as a parent hauled a screaming toddler out of the theater. From there, we walked over the bridge to Asia (saw Everest in the distance) and walked over to Africa to get fastpasses for the Safari. Along the way, DeVine was lingering by a light pole. GRIPE: People, it is called a PATH for a reason. It was designed for people to WALK on. I know DeVine is cool, but there are many other cool things that I would like to show my friends while we are there. When you see us walking towards you, don’t look at me as if I am the one being rude for gasp walking along a path. Move your sorry rear end and let me through. Ok, I’m done. These people were amazing, really… had the entire width of the path blocked… and that’s a pretty wide path along there. We got our fastpass for the Safari and headed over the bridge to see Festival of the Lion King, On the way there, I am telling Marie and Heather about the show, how much I love it, the fact that my mother thinks it’s better than the Broadway production, etc., and this sweet older janitorial services CM who’s picking up trash, turns to me and says, “Isn’t it a great show? You, they have it air conditioned now…” This is one of the reasons I love this place… Here’s this man who’s job it is to clean up after other people who are too lazy to put their trash in the big boxy thing that says “TRASH”, and this can’t be a very pleasant task. But yet, he’s smiling, and happy, and telling me how much he loves the Lion King. What a sweet man. SO, we make it to the theater just in time, and sit in the Lion section. The CM picked a man from Australia to make our sample lion noise, and apparently, Down Under, Lions make a much different sound than they do in the rest of the world… very funny.
By now, it was our fastpass time for the Safari. He hop in line behind this family that consisted of mom, dad, and 3 stair-step girls, all dressed in pink, probably about 7, 6, 5. Don’t let the pink dresses fool you. The oldest 2 were keeping up with mom and dad in the line. Of course, mom and dad didn’t notice, because they were too busy facing forward and ignoring all of them. The youngest girl was everywhere. She’d hang on the wood rail, and lag behind. We would pass her, she barrel though us to her parents. Then she’d swing on the ropes, kick the rail… her parents never saw her, never said stop, nothing. So then, she goes to mom, hits her, and says “pick me up.” Mom says, “no, and stop hitting.” Girl goes over to Dad, and dad picks her up, and the girl says, “I hate mommy.” He doesn’t react. This behavior goes on and on, and I am once again invoking the magic that IS Disney, and praying that we won’t be next to these yahoos on the Safari. GRIPE: First of all, if I had ever had the nerve to tell my father I hate my mother, I would have been spanked severely, and I would have deserved it. Secondly, I found it extremely ironic that this kid would say she hates her mother while she’s actually AT Disney World… I mean, how bad can the parents be to the kid? Lastly, I didn’t blame the kid for this behavior—this was the parents deal. They never once checked on this child, when she was lagging behind or anything. She could have been snatched or could have fallen and cracked her little melon in the concrete. They wouldn’t have known unless I had tapped them on the shoulder, “Excuse me, ma’am, your daughter, that THING in pink, she’s lying over there bleeding from the head… just thought you might like to know.”
Ok, the Safari ride itself was an actual EVENT… We get parked in the second row of the truck. Our driver introduces ‘herself’ as Mindy. Upon further inspection, I notice that while Mindy has her hair pulled back into a ponytail, she is balding. Mindy also has a very prominent chin and forehead, not to mention an Adam’s apple and faint stubble. She also had unusually large hands for a woman. It seems Mindy might have actually been ‘Men’dy… Now, I have no problem if she wants to change her gender, I just found it extremely distracting while she was talking. She wasn’t a great tour guide at all… It sounded like she was reading off the script, and she kept missing the radio cues from Wilson, so it was a little off. Not to mention the fact that she had a severe southern twang about her. Now, I’m from Atlanta, and I know twang… this twang was over the top, and almost fake. I wonder if she thought that it made her sound more feminine. But as for the animals, there were no giraffes out—not nary a one to be found. The baby elephant was visible, but hiding a little by the trees. Thankfully, Little Red is gonna be ok.
We stopped and grabbed lunch from Pizzafari, all of us having a pepperoni pizza and a coke (another trend over the trip). Pizza wasn’t bad, but mine had sat out for a while under the heat lamps (when these burn out, do they just borrow some from Test Track?) so it was a little congealed. But I was famished, so I could’ve cared less. As we were leaving Animal Kingdom and getting on the tram to take us back to Dinosaur 30, this family of 3 young boys (all under 7) is getting on the tram. If there hadn’t have been kids around, I would have throttled this father. The mother has the stroller, which is one of those huge, carry all, I’m-going-on-a-trip-for-8-weeks kind of dealies, and it has a bunch of snacks, powerade, diaper bag, all this stuff on it. Well, Dad jumps on the tram, and ‘my 3 sons’ follows suit, leaving mom to throw all the stuff into the tram, fold up the stroller, and climb aboard. Well, the guy had already called final boarding as dad and kids were climbing aboard, so Mom is stressed trying to get everything closed and moved, etc. So, what does Dad do? Does he jump out and say, “Oh, I’ll help you honey.” NO—He sits there and yells at her to hurry up, c’mon, they are gonna leave you, I guess we’ll just see you at the car, etc.” Completely demeans this woman in front of her kids and everyone on the tram. I work with battered women and prosecute wife beaters. If that woman is reading this—if he’s not beating you yet, he will be soon… get out now. I was livid with this man, who probably is a huge wimp that got his you-know-what kicked around when he was little.
From Animal Kingdom, we had to go BACK to the Swan and visit the ticket nazi to upgrade from our 1 day ticket to the UPH. We walked up, and I asked (politely, I might add) if the system was online again, and she said yes, and asked for my ticket. I handed it to her, and she said something about my credit card. I said I had paid cash for it. Well, she shook her head and handed it back to me. WHAT? Ok, deep breath. I asked, “Would a receipt help?” Yes… so, with only a small rise in my blood pressure, we all were upgraded and had our UPH’s and we were set. We drove to Magic Kingdom to finish out the day.
By the time we were walking down Main Street it was about 3:10, and we weaseled our way through the parade masses until we were in Fantasyland. I, in my infinite Disney power, shall rename this “Strollerland”. Seeing that the stand-by line for PhilHarmagic was 60 minutes long, I got us all Fastpasses and we headed to Haunted Mansion, which had a 25 minute wait, which is still pushing it in my line waiting rule, but close enough. We got ice cream (or 2 fruit bar and 1 itzakadoozie) and stood in line. It’s amazing how quickly those things can melt in direct sunlight. After battling a couple of pushy people battling for the turnstiles, we ended up in the stretching room with a group of middle schoolers. The thing about middle schoolers is that they are the only ones who think they are funny. So, over the ghost host’s voice, we hear the ever-changing voice of a 13-year-old-pimply-faced-hormone-driven kid making ‘scary’ ghost noises. Son, I know your mom would be proud of you. Now, remember, there are 3 of us on this trip. We thought it would be a good idea if we all rode this ride together, me agreeing after failing to remember the actual size of a doombuggy. 3 grown women make for an uncomfortable fit for longer than 2 minutes in a doombuggy. Don’t try it. I will have a bruise on my hip for a week.
From there we headed to Adventureland to get a Pineapple Float at the Dole Whip stand. We sat in the shade and refueled. We walked into the Pirates entrance area, and saw that the right side of the line was backed out the door. In previous months, the left side has been closed, but this time there was a CM waving people into the left line. NO ONE was buying it… they kept looking at him like he was trying to sell them snake oil… So, I did the bolt once again, and Marie and Heather quickly followed. We walked directly onto the ride with no wait, while the right side was waiting about 20 minutes. After that, we saw PhilHarmagic (what a great show—I love it more each time), and then Hall of Presidents. Is it just me, or does Nixon look possessed?
We headed to Tomorrowland, and got Fastpasses for Buzz, and then saw Carousel of Progress… this is one of my alltime favorites, and I get such a kick out of the ‘future’ scene: “We had to microwave frozen pizzas for dinner!!” So, we came out singing and jumped aboard TTA. This is where we noticed this guy in front of us, and I had seen him sitting in the very back of CoP alone. Now being alone at Disney World is no big deal, I’ve done it plenty of times… but this guy was, well, just a little off. He kept leaning his arms out over the edge of the car, and the CM kept saying, ‘keep your arms blah blah…” to no avail. I don’t know, there was just something about him that gave me the creeps. From there we battled Evil Emperor Zurg… to no avail… I can’t seem to rise about Ranger 1st Class.
By now, it was almost time for our PS at Kona Café, and we were meeting my friend Brandy, a local, at the Polynesian. By now, we were in need of a frosty adult beverage. We jumped the little boat across the lagoon, and checked in at Kona and got a drink.
We had a very nice Asian CM for a waitress at Kona; the only problem was we had a difficult time understanding her English. But the food was excellent, although the Caesar salad was a little anchovy-ish for my friend Brandy’s taste. I liked it fine, but I had had a gin and tonic and was working on a Caramel Apple martini (to die for, by the way) by the time I ate, so the taste buds may have been a little slack at that point. We finished dinner, said goodbye to Brandy, and caught the boat back to the Magic Kingdom to see the remaining attractions and see how long we could last… we had been awake since 5am.
I had a hunch that the crowds would be thinner after dinner because the park was open until 11pm, and most kids would be crashed way before then. I was right. One side note about the Magic Kingdom today—it was make-out CENTRAL!! Mostly teenagers, although we did see some people that were older. There was this one couple, maybe 17 or so, sitting in a corner in the Emporium, playing smacky mouth while people are walking around shopping!! Ugh. I mean, a little is ok, but I don’t need to watch you doing THAT while I’m at the Happiest Place on Earth.
So, after dinner, we caught the tail end of Spectromagic, and rode Splash Mountain and Space Mountain, and then we were cashed. It was about 10 pm when we got to the car at the TTC. We took the ferry back, and there were some seriously tired children… saw a couple throw down and have fit right there on the ferry landing… poor little things, so exhausted. I know how they felt! We got back to the Swan and settled in for the night on those aptly-named Heavenly Beds… and I slept like I haven’t slept in a looong time…
Cast of Characters:
Melissa (Me): 30, prosecuting attorney, longtime Disney nut, lost count of how many trips after about 20, Annual Passholder usually, except for this trip (note to self: MUST renew ASAP!) Lives in Atlanta suburbs
Marie: early 20’s, probation officer, hasn’t been to WDW since she was 16; lives in Atlanta suburbs
Heather: early 20’s, accountant, hasn’t been to WDW since 8th grade; drove over from Tampa.
My goal: Show the semi-newbies as much as is possible in 2 short days, and get them hooked, so I’ll have future travel partners.
First a little background: Marie and I used to work together and Heather and Marie grew up together. All 3 of us, along with 2 others, traveled to Europe over New Years to battle my mini-mid-life crisis over turning 30. This was a little reunion trip. As Marie and I both have new jobs, it was pretty much impossible to take time off of work for a longer, less whirlwind vacation. So, we found a great Airtran sale rate, and I used my government rate of 149 a night at the Swan for a quick 2 day, 2 night stay.
Saturday, May 8, 2004
Marie spent the night at my house on Friday night, and we woke early early to catch our 7:15 flight to MCO. We stopped on our way to the gate for morning coffee at the Seattle’s Best Coffee, and spent FOREVER waiting for this one woman who was certainly in no hurry to get anyone a latte. You would think that you would understand that time is of the essence, especially when you actually WORK IN the airport… nonetheless, we made it to the gate just as they were boarding, and landed in Orlando around 8:30am. Marie got Heather on the Nextel to see where she was, and when we should be expecting her at the Swan. She said she’d be there around 10. We went to the Alamo desk to pick up our reserved convertible (ok, so I splurged a little, and it was worth it!) and had no problems getting checked out. What was surprising to me was the whole “go pick out a car” thing… I’d never rented a car at MCO before, and I’m used to getting a key, checking the car for damage, signing the paperwork, and all that. Here, the happy lady just said, Go pick out a convertible! So, we had our choice of 3 identical white Chrysler Touring convertibles. I stuck my nose in each one to see which smelled the best, and we piled our bags in, put the top down, found some tunes on the radio, and we were off!
On our way to the Swan, I realized that my eyes were bloodshot again (this will be a recurring theme all weekend), and that I had forgotten my sunglasses in my Bug at the Airport park n fly. So, we pulled into Crossroads, and went into Goodings where I bought more eye drops, and a ‘cheap’ pair of trendy sunglasses for the bargain low-low price of 16 bucks. What a racket. So, I pop in the contacts, put on the sunglasses and we drive through Downtown Disney and make it to the Swan almost at 10 on the nose. Heather is waiting for us in the parking lot. (Side note: Marie made the very interesting comment about what a bag of laughs we must sound like—a lawyer, a probation officer, and an accountant—we sound like the makings of a very bad joke…) We grab our bags, and I warn my 2 newbie friends that we may not get a great view b/c I’ve been reading on my message boards that discounted rooms aren’t usually the great ones, and I also tell them we should keep our fingers crossed that our room will be ready. So, I begin to invoke the magic that IS Disney and we walk to the check-in desk. The very cheerful girl checks us in, I show her my county government ID, and she tells us our room is ready, room 944. I’m thinking, high up, ok, this is good… So, we head up the elevators, walk down the hall and at the end of the hall, through the round window is a perfect shot of Spaceship Earth. Our room is the last on the hall on the right. We open the door, and I notice that we have a corner room and 2 windows… and I gingerly open the curtains to find the MOST AMAZING VIEW… on one side is the most perfect shot of Spaceship Earth, and on the other, is a great view of MGM. Looking down, we could see the canal/river with the FreindShips and the back side of the Boardwalk and the yacht and Beach Club. It was the best view of any Disney room I have ever had. Boy, we were off to a great start. Of course, my luck is never good with this sort of thing, so I was waiting for something, anything, to go wrong. So far nothing had, and I was getting a little concerned. Don’t worry,though, the other shoe was soon to drop.
I had made the mistake of letting my AP expire in March, and the budget just wasn’t going to let me renew it this trip, so we were getting UPH for 2 days, at a great rate of 129 each. I thought this was a great deal considering a 1 day pass is 56 bucks. So, for roughly 20 bucks more, you get hopping privileges, not to mention water parks, and all the other stuff (which we didn’t have time to, nor intended to, use). So, I stepped up to the Disney ticket counter at the Swan and asked for the 2 day UPH, and this snippy little woman said, “No.” I said, “What do you mean, no? No, you don’t have them? No I can’t buy them? No what?” She said, “The computer is offline and you can’t buy that particular ticket.” My question: “Well, what am I supposed to do about tickets for the day then?” Her reply: “Go to a park, and buy a 1 day ticket.” Me: “Well, we wanted to park hop today, and we can’t do that with a 1 day ticket.” Her: “Well, when you want to hop, come back here, and IF the system is online, we can upgrade you to a UPH.” Me: “IF?” Her: “Yes, IF.” So, instead of going into lawyer-cross-examination mode, I just crossed my fingers that the powers of Magic would remedy the situation later. Then I had to explain the situation to the semi-newbies, who comprehended things very well. By this point, I wasn’t feeling very magical. I wouldn’t have been so upset by this if this CM had been apologetic or even just a teensy bit nice. She was just plain crabby.
So, we hop into the convertible (I was feeling more magical already) and drove to Animal Kingdom. It was about 11am by this point, and it was getting pretty sultry out. We hop onto the tram with no wait, and walk up to the ticket counter, where the line is about 40 PEOPLE long… Now, as a Annual Passholder, I have a rule that I don’t stand in lines that are longer than 20 minutes generally. I certainly don’t stand in lines to buy tickets. How bourgeoisie…me, an annual passholder, stooping to stand in lines with the masses to buy a ticket? Certainly not… (Ok, for those of you who aren’t great at reading sarcasm, that was just it.) So, as I’m standing there, in the heat, with all the masses, I look past the ticket counters and see that the Guest Relations windows are open and EMPTY. Now, I had previously told Marie and Heather that if they see me bolt quickly somewhere, there is a reason, and they should follow as quickly as possible. I jumped the rope, and booked it to the GR window. “One day ticket please.” No problem, and 5 seconds later, I had my little ticket in my hand. Marie and Heather followed suit. I asked the GR guy about what the chick at the Swan said about upgrading from the 1 day ticket to the UPH and if they could do that. He said he’d never heard of it, but if they said it, then they must be able to do it, and since the system was offline, they must be making concessions. So, I told Marie and Heather to save their receipts to covers our you-know-whats in case we needed to show them to the ticket nazi at the Swan.
We headed into the lush greenscape of Animal Kingdom. The goal here was to give them a feel for the park, and then head to the Magic Kingdom for the rest of the day. I looked at the tip board and couldn’t figure out why there were no lines for anything but there were sooo many people everywhere! There was virtually no wait for It’s Tough to be a Bug, so we meandered through the line and saw the show. I had told Marie and Heather nothing about the show, so they were surprised with the effects. There was the usual light interruption as a parent hauled a screaming toddler out of the theater. From there, we walked over the bridge to Asia (saw Everest in the distance) and walked over to Africa to get fastpasses for the Safari. Along the way, DeVine was lingering by a light pole. GRIPE: People, it is called a PATH for a reason. It was designed for people to WALK on. I know DeVine is cool, but there are many other cool things that I would like to show my friends while we are there. When you see us walking towards you, don’t look at me as if I am the one being rude for gasp walking along a path. Move your sorry rear end and let me through. Ok, I’m done. These people were amazing, really… had the entire width of the path blocked… and that’s a pretty wide path along there. We got our fastpass for the Safari and headed over the bridge to see Festival of the Lion King, On the way there, I am telling Marie and Heather about the show, how much I love it, the fact that my mother thinks it’s better than the Broadway production, etc., and this sweet older janitorial services CM who’s picking up trash, turns to me and says, “Isn’t it a great show? You, they have it air conditioned now…” This is one of the reasons I love this place… Here’s this man who’s job it is to clean up after other people who are too lazy to put their trash in the big boxy thing that says “TRASH”, and this can’t be a very pleasant task. But yet, he’s smiling, and happy, and telling me how much he loves the Lion King. What a sweet man. SO, we make it to the theater just in time, and sit in the Lion section. The CM picked a man from Australia to make our sample lion noise, and apparently, Down Under, Lions make a much different sound than they do in the rest of the world… very funny.
By now, it was our fastpass time for the Safari. He hop in line behind this family that consisted of mom, dad, and 3 stair-step girls, all dressed in pink, probably about 7, 6, 5. Don’t let the pink dresses fool you. The oldest 2 were keeping up with mom and dad in the line. Of course, mom and dad didn’t notice, because they were too busy facing forward and ignoring all of them. The youngest girl was everywhere. She’d hang on the wood rail, and lag behind. We would pass her, she barrel though us to her parents. Then she’d swing on the ropes, kick the rail… her parents never saw her, never said stop, nothing. So then, she goes to mom, hits her, and says “pick me up.” Mom says, “no, and stop hitting.” Girl goes over to Dad, and dad picks her up, and the girl says, “I hate mommy.” He doesn’t react. This behavior goes on and on, and I am once again invoking the magic that IS Disney, and praying that we won’t be next to these yahoos on the Safari. GRIPE: First of all, if I had ever had the nerve to tell my father I hate my mother, I would have been spanked severely, and I would have deserved it. Secondly, I found it extremely ironic that this kid would say she hates her mother while she’s actually AT Disney World… I mean, how bad can the parents be to the kid? Lastly, I didn’t blame the kid for this behavior—this was the parents deal. They never once checked on this child, when she was lagging behind or anything. She could have been snatched or could have fallen and cracked her little melon in the concrete. They wouldn’t have known unless I had tapped them on the shoulder, “Excuse me, ma’am, your daughter, that THING in pink, she’s lying over there bleeding from the head… just thought you might like to know.”
Ok, the Safari ride itself was an actual EVENT… We get parked in the second row of the truck. Our driver introduces ‘herself’ as Mindy. Upon further inspection, I notice that while Mindy has her hair pulled back into a ponytail, she is balding. Mindy also has a very prominent chin and forehead, not to mention an Adam’s apple and faint stubble. She also had unusually large hands for a woman. It seems Mindy might have actually been ‘Men’dy… Now, I have no problem if she wants to change her gender, I just found it extremely distracting while she was talking. She wasn’t a great tour guide at all… It sounded like she was reading off the script, and she kept missing the radio cues from Wilson, so it was a little off. Not to mention the fact that she had a severe southern twang about her. Now, I’m from Atlanta, and I know twang… this twang was over the top, and almost fake. I wonder if she thought that it made her sound more feminine. But as for the animals, there were no giraffes out—not nary a one to be found. The baby elephant was visible, but hiding a little by the trees. Thankfully, Little Red is gonna be ok.
We stopped and grabbed lunch from Pizzafari, all of us having a pepperoni pizza and a coke (another trend over the trip). Pizza wasn’t bad, but mine had sat out for a while under the heat lamps (when these burn out, do they just borrow some from Test Track?) so it was a little congealed. But I was famished, so I could’ve cared less. As we were leaving Animal Kingdom and getting on the tram to take us back to Dinosaur 30, this family of 3 young boys (all under 7) is getting on the tram. If there hadn’t have been kids around, I would have throttled this father. The mother has the stroller, which is one of those huge, carry all, I’m-going-on-a-trip-for-8-weeks kind of dealies, and it has a bunch of snacks, powerade, diaper bag, all this stuff on it. Well, Dad jumps on the tram, and ‘my 3 sons’ follows suit, leaving mom to throw all the stuff into the tram, fold up the stroller, and climb aboard. Well, the guy had already called final boarding as dad and kids were climbing aboard, so Mom is stressed trying to get everything closed and moved, etc. So, what does Dad do? Does he jump out and say, “Oh, I’ll help you honey.” NO—He sits there and yells at her to hurry up, c’mon, they are gonna leave you, I guess we’ll just see you at the car, etc.” Completely demeans this woman in front of her kids and everyone on the tram. I work with battered women and prosecute wife beaters. If that woman is reading this—if he’s not beating you yet, he will be soon… get out now. I was livid with this man, who probably is a huge wimp that got his you-know-what kicked around when he was little.
From Animal Kingdom, we had to go BACK to the Swan and visit the ticket nazi to upgrade from our 1 day ticket to the UPH. We walked up, and I asked (politely, I might add) if the system was online again, and she said yes, and asked for my ticket. I handed it to her, and she said something about my credit card. I said I had paid cash for it. Well, she shook her head and handed it back to me. WHAT? Ok, deep breath. I asked, “Would a receipt help?” Yes… so, with only a small rise in my blood pressure, we all were upgraded and had our UPH’s and we were set. We drove to Magic Kingdom to finish out the day.
By the time we were walking down Main Street it was about 3:10, and we weaseled our way through the parade masses until we were in Fantasyland. I, in my infinite Disney power, shall rename this “Strollerland”. Seeing that the stand-by line for PhilHarmagic was 60 minutes long, I got us all Fastpasses and we headed to Haunted Mansion, which had a 25 minute wait, which is still pushing it in my line waiting rule, but close enough. We got ice cream (or 2 fruit bar and 1 itzakadoozie) and stood in line. It’s amazing how quickly those things can melt in direct sunlight. After battling a couple of pushy people battling for the turnstiles, we ended up in the stretching room with a group of middle schoolers. The thing about middle schoolers is that they are the only ones who think they are funny. So, over the ghost host’s voice, we hear the ever-changing voice of a 13-year-old-pimply-faced-hormone-driven kid making ‘scary’ ghost noises. Son, I know your mom would be proud of you. Now, remember, there are 3 of us on this trip. We thought it would be a good idea if we all rode this ride together, me agreeing after failing to remember the actual size of a doombuggy. 3 grown women make for an uncomfortable fit for longer than 2 minutes in a doombuggy. Don’t try it. I will have a bruise on my hip for a week.
From there we headed to Adventureland to get a Pineapple Float at the Dole Whip stand. We sat in the shade and refueled. We walked into the Pirates entrance area, and saw that the right side of the line was backed out the door. In previous months, the left side has been closed, but this time there was a CM waving people into the left line. NO ONE was buying it… they kept looking at him like he was trying to sell them snake oil… So, I did the bolt once again, and Marie and Heather quickly followed. We walked directly onto the ride with no wait, while the right side was waiting about 20 minutes. After that, we saw PhilHarmagic (what a great show—I love it more each time), and then Hall of Presidents. Is it just me, or does Nixon look possessed?
We headed to Tomorrowland, and got Fastpasses for Buzz, and then saw Carousel of Progress… this is one of my alltime favorites, and I get such a kick out of the ‘future’ scene: “We had to microwave frozen pizzas for dinner!!” So, we came out singing and jumped aboard TTA. This is where we noticed this guy in front of us, and I had seen him sitting in the very back of CoP alone. Now being alone at Disney World is no big deal, I’ve done it plenty of times… but this guy was, well, just a little off. He kept leaning his arms out over the edge of the car, and the CM kept saying, ‘keep your arms blah blah…” to no avail. I don’t know, there was just something about him that gave me the creeps. From there we battled Evil Emperor Zurg… to no avail… I can’t seem to rise about Ranger 1st Class.
By now, it was almost time for our PS at Kona Café, and we were meeting my friend Brandy, a local, at the Polynesian. By now, we were in need of a frosty adult beverage. We jumped the little boat across the lagoon, and checked in at Kona and got a drink.
We had a very nice Asian CM for a waitress at Kona; the only problem was we had a difficult time understanding her English. But the food was excellent, although the Caesar salad was a little anchovy-ish for my friend Brandy’s taste. I liked it fine, but I had had a gin and tonic and was working on a Caramel Apple martini (to die for, by the way) by the time I ate, so the taste buds may have been a little slack at that point. We finished dinner, said goodbye to Brandy, and caught the boat back to the Magic Kingdom to see the remaining attractions and see how long we could last… we had been awake since 5am.
I had a hunch that the crowds would be thinner after dinner because the park was open until 11pm, and most kids would be crashed way before then. I was right. One side note about the Magic Kingdom today—it was make-out CENTRAL!! Mostly teenagers, although we did see some people that were older. There was this one couple, maybe 17 or so, sitting in a corner in the Emporium, playing smacky mouth while people are walking around shopping!! Ugh. I mean, a little is ok, but I don’t need to watch you doing THAT while I’m at the Happiest Place on Earth.
So, after dinner, we caught the tail end of Spectromagic, and rode Splash Mountain and Space Mountain, and then we were cashed. It was about 10 pm when we got to the car at the TTC. We took the ferry back, and there were some seriously tired children… saw a couple throw down and have fit right there on the ferry landing… poor little things, so exhausted. I know how they felt! We got back to the Swan and settled in for the night on those aptly-named Heavenly Beds… and I slept like I haven’t slept in a looong time…
