Dear Abby

[graphite1326]

Dear Abby; We are an older couple in our sixties and are very selfish with our WDW vacations. We always have a wonderful time and don't mind telling freinds and family this when they ask. Therein lies the problem. They see that we really enjoy ourselves and want to go with us. We are really reluctant to do this for a couple of reasons. The main reason is we have given in and taken freinds and family only to have it turn out bad, We tell them that we buy a good pair of sneakers and a couple of months beforehand we walk a few miles every chance we get and they should do the same. They don't listen. We tell them when we go, we get up at dawn and stay until dark and then some. They don't listen We tell them that we do the inverted and backwards rollercasters, free fall drops, dark rides, and they don't listen. They even say with a smile "I'm not doing that" and for some reason expect us to do the same. I'm not spending all that money not to so..... It has always ended badly and we end up going our own way, at our suggestion, with bad feelings afterwards. So how do we tell these people that they can't go with us? Or should we just sneak off and not tell anyone when we go?

Sincerly
MM

 

[Goofyernmost]

Stop making it sound so good, or just not tell them anything until after you have returned and they ask where you were. Then with a smile say something like "I would swear I told you we were going". "My bad! We had a great time though."

 

[wdisney9000]

There are polite ways to say no and it's perfectly fine to tell your friends no. If they're truly your friends, they'll understand.

If they actually want to go to WDW, they can. Tell them to book their own room and experience the parks on their own and you can have meet ups with them instead of spending the entire trip together.

 

[Hakunamatata]

Tell them that is your special tine. If they want you to go with them and act as a tour guide then offer to do so for the cost of your trip going with them.

 

[RememberWhen]

My father in law has a fun tactic of calling us from the airport. He’ll say “oh! I’m on my way to Tahoe for the week. Do you and the kids want to come?” Somehow we’ve never said yes…
We aren’t offended. He loves the kids, but he also loves his vacations his way.
You could try that?

 

[CaptainAmerica]

Dear Abby; We are an older couple in our sixties and are very selfish with our WDW vacations. We always have a wonderful time and don't mind telling freinds and family this when they ask. Therein lies the problem. They see that we really enjoy ourselves and want to go with us. We are really reluctant to do this for a couple of reasons. The main reason is we have given in and taken freinds and family only to have it turn out bad, We tell them that we buy a good pair of sneakers and a couple of months beforehand we walk a few miles every chance we get and they should do the same. They don't listen. We tell them when we go, we get up at dawn and stay until dark and then some. They don't listen We tell them that we do the inverted and backwards rollercasters, free fall drops, dark rides, and they don't listen. They even say with a smile "I'm not doing that" and for some reason expect us to do the same. I'm not spending all that money not to so..... It has always ended badly and we end up going our own way, at our suggestion, with bad feelings afterwards. So how do we tell these people that they can't go with us? Or should we just sneak off and not tell anyone when we go?

Sincerly
MM

MM,

Your friends suck. Abandon them and take me instead.

Patriotically yours,
Cap

 

[larryz]

Dear MM,

Bless you for your generosity and thoughtfulness for your past invitations. They say that the best way to really get to know someone is to go on a trip with them, and you've found out that's a true statement.

Many people have been able to split the difference between traveling with friends and family and not even inviting them by setting specific times and places to meet up -- perhaps for a leisurely dinner or drinks at the end of a park day, to share experiences and compare photos and the like. That way, you get to enjoy each others' company without cramping or imposing on each others' touring styles.

Try this approach, and if it doesn't work, you can always go back to secret trips you can share after you return through your photos and memories.

Best of luck,
Abby Normal

 

[WishIWasRetired]

I probably would not tell anyone until I got back, but if someone were to ask me if I was going I would just say that the two of us want to spend some time alone on vacation. We have gone with friends once and it was enough to realize that there is just too much wasted time waiting for others to get ready in the morning, standing around deciding what to do next, what type of food dose everyone want to eat, Etc.

 

[graphite1326]

MM,

Your friends suck. Abandon them and take me instead.

Patriotically yours,
Cap

Sure if you think you can keep up.

 

[Weather_Lady]

There's nothing wrong with saying "no," and you shouldn't have to keep your trips a secret. Your vacation time is just that -- your time -- and you can spend it how, and with whomever, you wish. If others are so tone-deaf that they try to insist on accompanying you, simply tell them that your days at Disney are spent engaged in such constant, loud and wild lovemaking that you'd rather not make anyone else uncomfortable by bringing them along. Indeed, such statements are very effective for shutting down conversations on just about any topic.

If in the future you decide to travel with friends or family, consider imposing some healthy boundaries, by: (1) planning trips that overlap, rather than for the exact same dates and travel arrangements, so your whole vacation isn't spent with the other couple/group; or (2) plan trips where the days are divided into "couple time, touring separately," and scheduled "group time" -- a TS meal and a few hours of touring all together. That way, there's pre-planned time for you all to enjoy one another's company, but you still have time to go your own way without any dead weight friends or family who want to follow a different agenda -- much as @larryz suggested above (shout-out to him for the clever Young Frankenstein reference, BTW!).

 

[Hakunamatata]

Sure if you think you can keep up.

 

[jloucks]

Dear Abby; We are an older couple in our sixties and are very selfish with our WDW vacations. We always have a wonderful time and don't mind telling freinds and family this when they ask. Therein lies the problem. They see that we really enjoy ourselves and want to go with us. We are really reluctant to do this for a couple of reasons. The main reason is we have given in and taken freinds and family only to have it turn out bad, We tell them that we buy a good pair of sneakers and a couple of months beforehand we walk a few miles every chance we get and they should do the same. They don't listen. We tell them when we go, we get up at dawn and stay until dark and then some. They don't listen We tell them that we do the inverted and backwards rollercasters, free fall drops, dark rides, and they don't listen. They even say with a smile "I'm not doing that" and for some reason expect us to do the same. I'm not spending all that money not to so..... It has always ended badly and we end up going our own way, at our suggestion, with bad feelings afterwards. So how do we tell these people that they can't go with us? Or should we just sneak off and not tell anyone when we go?

Sincerly
MM

NTA

Oh, I so know the answer to this one as people are always crashing my vacations.

Modularize.

Break your days into parts. 2-3 will suffice. 3-6 if you want a little more time together.

Example...

Module #1 - Meet for breakfast at bla-bla @ bla-o'clock
Module #2 - Do a certain type of activity (coasters, or shows, or whateves)
Module #3 - Meet for lunch at bla-bla @ bla-o'clock
Module #4 - Head over to bla-bla and do another category of activity
Module #5 - Meet for dinner at bla-bla @ bla-o'clock
Module #6 - wrap up the day drinking heavily and kaking in the bushes

Here is the most important part, dont be shy about saying bye for now, see you at Module # X. The whole key is you don't spend every waking moment together.

If they insist on spending the entire day with you, that's fine, but if they complain even a little tiny bit, you just respond with "Hey, no problemo, see you at Module #X".

Shoot, just this next week I will be on an 8 day cruise with MY family, and my entire wifes extended family crashed the event! I was a little salty at first, but hey, the above system has worked before and it will work again.

It can work for you too!

Maybe skip #6, that one's not for everyone.

On Edit: DON'T be sneaky about it. Nobody likes a sneak. Just stand up for yourself one way or another. I do it by setting very clear boundaries.

 

[SSH]

I guess I'm kinda selfish, but never understood these dilemmas. I have been in these situations and I flat out state that they'll definitely NOT want to do the things we do and I'll say something like: "call us selfish - we admit it, but we are definitely planning on doing X, Y and Z or staying in the park for 12 hours or planning to be the last ones out at 2am, etc, etc and I know you'll hate that. And we can't really change those plans. Sure would hate to see us argue or have bad feelings...but hey, if you're going to be up there anyway, let's meet up for a lunch or dinner."

The way I see it, that's not rude - I'm looking out for them too...trying to save them wasted time, money and frustration.

 

[ppet]

At times like this i feel the need to quote Nancy Reagan "JUST SAY NO" and yes I'm shouting.

 

[Fox&Hound]

MM- you sound awesome. Just saying =)

I have found that the "new Disney" of booking rides and food in advance makes it extremely difficult to travel with large parties. Maybe Genie+ will change some of that (have not experienced it yet personally) but in the past there were just so many times where we all had to agree on something or we wouldn't even see each other (when to ride this ride? where to dine? which park on which day?) that it hardly felt worth it.

Go and be free....

 

[Worldlover71]

I would be honest about your preference to travel as a couple but you could offer to help them plan their own trip.

 

[jloucks]

I guess I'm kinda selfish, but never understood these dilemmas. I have been in these situations and I flat out state that they'll definitely NOT want to do the things we do and I'll say something like: "call us selfish - we admit it, but we are definitely planning on doing X, Y and Z or staying in the park for 12 hours or planning to be the last ones out at 2am, etc, etc and I know you'll hate that. And we can't really change those plans. Sure would hate to see us argue or have bad feelings...but hey, if you're going to be up there anyway, let's meet up for a lunch or dinner."

The way I see it, that's not rude - I'm looking out for them too...trying to save them wasted time, money and frustration.

Nope, not rude. They are invited, but you have clear set of conditions. Boundaries. That's exactly how I do it.

 

[SteveAZee]

Dear Abby; We are an older couple in our sixties and are very selfish with our WDW vacations. We always have a wonderful time and don't mind telling freinds and family this when they ask. Therein lies the problem. They see that we really enjoy ourselves and want to go with us. We are really reluctant to do this for a couple of reasons. The main reason is we have given in and taken freinds and family only to have it turn out bad, We tell them that we buy a good pair of sneakers and a couple of months beforehand we walk a few miles every chance we get and they should do the same. They don't listen. We tell them when we go, we get up at dawn and stay until dark and then some. They don't listen We tell them that we do the inverted and backwards rollercasters, free fall drops, dark rides, and they don't listen. They even say with a smile "I'm not doing that" and for some reason expect us to do the same. I'm not spending all that money not to so..... It has always ended badly and we end up going our own way, at our suggestion, with bad feelings afterwards. So how do we tell these people that they can't go with us? Or should we just sneak off and not tell anyone when we go?

Sincerly
MM

One option is to have your friends stay some distance from you while doing a joint vacation. Spend the first two days (more or less) doing things together, getting them acquainted with the property, transportation, process, etc.... then let them loose and then it can be a mutual decision what things to do together and what things to do separately.

 

[BeanCounterBob]

I have done it before and I will never do it again. I refuse to travel with anyone outside of my wife and daughter to Disney. I am very selfish on my Disney trips and do not want to even think about what someone may want, or try to work around their plans. I have had to travel, with distant friends in the past, and vowed to never do it again. I could only imagine family would make it worse, than friends. Hard no!

 

[Ricky Spanish]

Maybe you need new friends?