Should I propose to my BF?

[Dis_Villain78]

My bf and I have been together for two years and have been living together for one of the two. We have joint accounts, talk about "forever" and kids. I was hoping he would pop the question last Christmas, but the holidays came and went...and no proposal. I am divorced and he has never been married and I worry that he doesn't think that I want to get married again. We have never talked about it despite all of the other life stuff we frequently discuss.

My favorite place in the world is Disney and I would so love it if he would ask me during our Sept trip. My mom and I were talking about it and she said, "Well, why don't you just ask him?!". So now I'm thinking about it. I have a couple of months to ponder and plan.

I would love an outsiders view and imput. Please and Thanks!!

-Eva

 

[Fluxuated]

I'm old fashioned, and I think it's HIS job to propose. Doesn't meant you can't keep making the hints, but if you have to lower yourself and ask yourself, well then.... you know.....

 

[Dis_Villain78]

I'm old fashioned, and I think it's HIS job to propose. Doesn't meant you can't keep making the hints, but if you have to lower yourself and ask yourself, well then.... you know.....

Sounds silly, but I would rather just ask him point blank than drop hints. :shrug:

 

[Fluxuated]

Each to their own. I'm sure if he wanted to, he'd ask.

 

[slappy magoo]

You know him better than we would, so if you think he wouldn't freak out or feel emasculated (and most importantly, if you think there's a strong chance he'll say yes), then I don't see why you can't.

You could ask a slightly different question, in a slightly cuter way, like get down on one knee and ask him something like "Will you do me the honor of agreeing to one day doing me the honor of asking me to marry you?" Lets him know how you feel without making him feel bad he hasn't asked sooner, or doesn't have a ring handy.

If you decide to officially or unofficially pop the question, for safety's sake, don't do it any earlier than your last night at WDW. This way, if he winds up saying he's not ready or anything like that, you don't have a whole vacation of awkwardness.

And whatever you do, at the very least, try to find out beforehand how he feels about marraige. It sounds like you haven't. He might be one of those cats who doesn't believe in it. He might also be one of those cats who says he doesn't believe in it because it scares him to death.

 

[Dis_Villain78]

You could ask a slightly different question, in a slightly cuter way, like get down on one knee and ask him something like "Will you do me the honor of agreeing to one day doing me the honor of asking me to marry you?" Lets him know how you feel without making him feel bad he hasn't asked sooner, or doesn't have a ring handy.

If you decide to officially or unofficially pop the question, for safety's sake, don't do it any earlier than your last night at WDW. This way, if he winds up saying he's not ready or anything like that, you don't have a whole vacation of awkwardness.

And whatever you do, at the very least, try to find out beforehand how he feels about marraige. It sounds like you haven't. He might be one of those cats who doesn't believe in it. He might also be one of those cats who says he doesn't believe in it because it scares him to death.

I know he's not scared of marraige (I can tell by the things he says about his friends weddings) and I also know he's broker than broke and wouldn't have the means of getting a ring (which could be a big reason why he hasn't ask me yet).

I asked him to move in with me and I also was the first person to say "I love you". He's not very confident with things like that and I'm the longest relationship that hes ever had (only had 2 other girlfriends). I just know that all of the old fashion stuff didn't get me anywhere with my ex-husband. He had asked my father, bought me a big ring, even waited til we were married to live together..and we ended up miserable. None of the traditional stuff matters to me anymore..I wouldn't even care if I had a ring. I'm happier than I've ever been and he says he feels the same. Just don't know if I have the guts to do it.

 

[Wilt Dasney]

I am divorced and he has never been married and I worry that he doesn't think that I want to get married again. We have never talked about it despite all of the other life stuff we frequently discuss.

This is what stands out to me the most. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with you asking just because you're a woman...if he's a shy type and you're more assertive, it might make more sense in context of your relationship.

But I don't think it would be a good idea to just pop the question without ever discussing it beforehand. The typical rule for proposals is you only ask if you're pretty sure you know what the answer will be. If you propose without ever discussing the issue with him, you could find some underlying anxiety that causes him to say no, leading to an embarrassing or awkward moment for you.

I'd say you should have a few more of those "forever" conversations and cover more specific ground before going any further. Ask him outright what he thinks of the idea of marrying you, and use that conversation to show your openness to the idea. That's one way to get closer to the response you're hoping for without setting yourself up so starkly, like a proposal out of the blue would.

 

[slappy magoo]

Wilt said what I tried to say, and he said it better.

And it's a good rule of thumb to not compare things that worked/didn't work with your ex with what might or might not work with your current BF. Everyone's different. My ex wife and my current are like night and day, and behavior that my then-wife preferred would break my now-wife's heart, and behavior my now-wife prefers would sicken my then-wife.

 

[PinMadness]

I do not see anything wrong with asking him to marry you. That is pretty sweet actually.

And maybe I should follow suit! My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 6 years and I keep on waiting...and waiting...and waiting.

 

[SAV]

Let's suppose you ask and it doesn't go the way you expected. Will that be a bad memory and "ruin" Disney for you?

If so, then maybe that's not the place to ask.

 

[Dis_Villain78]

Let's suppose you ask and it doesn't go the way you expected. Will that be a bad memory and "ruin" Disney for you?

If so, then maybe that's not the place to ask.

That's a good point too...hrmmph.

 

[SAV]

Sorry to be "Mr. Negative" thoughts, but it is something that "could" happen. I would hate for something like that to ruin your favorite place.

 

[wdwmomof3]

Sorry to be "Mr. Negative" thoughts, but it is something that "could" happen. I would hate for something like that to ruin your favorite place.

I agree. Maybe you should talk to each other about how you really feel about marriage before your trip. Let him know that your okay w/o a ring right now since you said that he couldn't afford one right now. That will take some pressure off of him. If he knows that you are ready, then he may do it on his own while you are there. If not, you can ask him sometime after you get back.

Sending good luck your way.:animwink:

 

[lilclerk]

I'll give you the same advice I'd give a guy: discuss it before hand. Make sure he really wants to marry you before you pop the question or things will probably just be awkward from then on out. Maybe bring up something you'd like to have for *your* wedding (first dance song, location?) Then he'll realize it's on your mind and you can get his insight.
If you're sure he'll say yes and it won't make him uncomfortable for you to ask, then go for it!

 

[CAPTAIN HOOK]

Go for it - ask him !!!!

He may be afraid to ask you in case you said no

 

[bayoumoon]

I once heard an old wives tale that it is "traditional" for a woman to propose to a man during leap years. I say follow your heart.

 

[JennyTablina]

If it's a good idea is really up to you. We dont really know your relationship so we cant really judge.

I suspect living together doesnt really give him grounds so much to propose, he might feel its not worth bothering with if your already living together. Though admittedly thats my own bias, I wouldnt live with a guy I want to be with till I got a full commitment, otherwise hes got the goods already anyways.

Really first I would sit down and consider this a little with your fella first. You dont have to come out and say it so much but you might want to mention the M word. "Forever" and talk of kids is all nice and cute, but its the kinda lines guys use to keep a lady sweet. The M word is a little scary and its a fun subject to bring up but how he'll react to that idea is pretty important

That and also take time to really think this decision over because its a big one. You say your already divorced once so you've been burned before and know what its like if you pick the wrong guy. Really think about what this guy does for you, does he go out of his way to make you happy? Does he listen and discuss things with you, is he as much a friend as a lover? Or is he likely to lay about and just expect you to do everything for him?

Watch closely how he acts in the coming months to your trip and you'll know if its worth proposing at Disney or not.

 

[minnie2000]

Perhaps he's planning to propose to you at Disney?

 

[Dis_Villain78]

Really first I would sit down and consider this a little with your fella first. You dont have to come out and say it so much but you might want to mention the M word. "Forever" and talk of kids is all nice and cute, but its the kinda lines guys use to keep a lady sweet. The M word is a little scary and its a fun subject to bring up but how he'll react to that idea is pretty important

I dropped the "M" word last night and he was very receptive. We were talking about finances and the big ticket items that we will need to purchase in the coming year (ie. new TV, possibly a new couch). I figured that a wedding would fall in line with that sort of thing, since no matter how you look at it it will cost some money. I just simply asked, "Well, do you think we will me getting married anytime in the semi-near future because that will cost us money too." He got a big smile on his face and said "Yeah..I guess we will need money for that." Then he stared at me for minute and kissed me and told me how much he loved me. I have no doubt that we both want "forever", however I'm still not sure I'd have the guts to ask. It's very scary...even if I know he'll say yes. The more think about it the more I just wish he would do it. I'm over thinking this in my typical Capricorn nature...

 

[JennyTablina]

well that sounds more positive

Well if you really think hes the one. Then thats a step forward, at least you know for sure this is the one you want

As for the nerves I'm sure anyone feels that way about proposing. Though I can understand you prefering he asks. I'm someone who wouldnt mind eather way but the lady in me thinks the guy doing it would be more romantic somehow. Though theres no shame in you asking as well, I'm sure it will be just as special and romantic and it'll even surprise him a little.

Though I think, stick to your Guns till your trip if your really sure about this, but leave buying anything like the ring till a month or so before. It gives him a chance to say it first if hes so inclined. Or if hes got the same idea at all, on the plus side you'll both have rings for each other and it'll make for a memorable proposal eather way

Eather way, I wish you luck, keep us posted if possible (and maybe clear your history on your browser, dont want you fella stumbling on in here and finding out by mistake now eh? : >)