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Godparent etiquette
- Thread starter steviej
- Start date
Good to know, thanks. Because my wife is godmother to her slimeball brother and his disgrace of a human being wife's second child
And my wife thinks one of them will be a godparent to our second, and well, I got some bad news for my wife lol
Songbird76
Well-Known Member
Well, I'm Godmother to my niece, but my brother and husband aren't even religious. They had her baptized as a favor to my brother-in-law's mother. I, on the other hand, am religious (not to mention living in a different country) so I chose Christians for my children's Godparents as part of the duty of Godparent is being responsible for religious upbringing if the parents aren't able to. My brother would have no desire to do that anyway, and since he lives thousands of miles away, he wouldn't have been able to get here. It's up to you....Godparents are a very personal choice. It shouldn't be about obligation.
Tell my wife that lol
Cause when it's time to christen the second one, there is no way I'll let my BIL or his wife be a godparent to my kid.
From the point of view of the Catholic Church -- wherein the godparent custom is most pronounced -- there usually is a difference from what the Church expects and what people practice as custom.
The Church expects the godparents to be practicing Catholics active and committed to the faith. The sacrament is seen as an initiation into membership, in fact, the Church officially calls godparents 'sponsors.' You don't sponsor someone's membership into an organization if you aren't an upstanding member of that organization yourself.
The role of the godparents, from the point of view of the Church is mostly ceremonial. They're there for the actual baptism. Besides being simply a good example of being a good Catholic, godparents **may** have a role in the spiritual life of the child as they grow as a spiritual mentor. Any Catholic adult who is confirmed, except parents, may be a godparent (those not in a valid marriage may be excluded -- depends on the local clergy). You can have just one, or, if you can't find anyone, no godparents.
And that's it for official Church expectations. No gifts. No large set of godparents (common among Filipinos). No back-up parenting. No expectation to raise the child if something were to happen to the parents. And certainly no trading of godparent status like it was a Christmas fruitcake.
If your relatives are miffed that you didn't chose them, tell them, "I talked to the minister about godparents and told them all about you and they said your lack of practice of the faith excludes you. At that point, what was I supposed to do? I already told the minister and they know you're not qualified."
The Church expects the godparents to be practicing Catholics active and committed to the faith. The sacrament is seen as an initiation into membership, in fact, the Church officially calls godparents 'sponsors.' You don't sponsor someone's membership into an organization if you aren't an upstanding member of that organization yourself.
The role of the godparents, from the point of view of the Church is mostly ceremonial. They're there for the actual baptism. Besides being simply a good example of being a good Catholic, godparents **may** have a role in the spiritual life of the child as they grow as a spiritual mentor. Any Catholic adult who is confirmed, except parents, may be a godparent (those not in a valid marriage may be excluded -- depends on the local clergy). You can have just one, or, if you can't find anyone, no godparents.
And that's it for official Church expectations. No gifts. No large set of godparents (common among Filipinos). No back-up parenting. No expectation to raise the child if something were to happen to the parents. And certainly no trading of godparent status like it was a Christmas fruitcake.
If your relatives are miffed that you didn't chose them, tell them, "I talked to the minister about godparents and told them all about you and they said your lack of practice of the faith excludes you. At that point, what was I supposed to do? I already told the minister and they know you're not qualified."
ajrwdwgirl
Premium Member
Godparenting can take on different forms. I am the godmother to my niece and I see it as a spiritual obligation. When she visits we usually go to church together, we have had religious conversations (not super deep, she is a kid after all), and every year on the anniversary of her baptism I send her a gift religious orientated to remind her of the baptism and its meaning. If something were to happen to her parents I know that my husband and I would be the ones to finish raising her, but that hasn't been part of the godmother thing just because I am her aunt.
Some people see godparenting as nothing religious but something legal as being willing to care for a child in the absence of the parents. Some are close friends and become unofficial "aunts and uncles" by being the godparent.
I think what you and your wife need to decide is do you see a godparent as having a spiritual role in a child's life or someone you want to care for your child in your absence? That might be two different things. Also if you have children you will want an official legal guide (will) of who will care for your children in case something happens, so it might go to a relative you might not want to care for them. Just my two cents, but that is the important thing to decide.
My husband is a minister and he has done many baptisms and sometimes there are two sets of godparents so the parents of the child don't have to fight over it. That might be a way to compromise for you as well.
Some people see godparenting as nothing religious but something legal as being willing to care for a child in the absence of the parents. Some are close friends and become unofficial "aunts and uncles" by being the godparent.
I think what you and your wife need to decide is do you see a godparent as having a spiritual role in a child's life or someone you want to care for your child in your absence? That might be two different things. Also if you have children you will want an official legal guide (will) of who will care for your children in case something happens, so it might go to a relative you might not want to care for them. Just my two cents, but that is the important thing to decide.
My husband is a minister and he has done many baptisms and sometimes there are two sets of godparents so the parents of the child don't have to fight over it. That might be a way to compromise for you as well.
Unfortunately, they are active in their church, they go a couple times a month and donate (they have more money than God).
So I can't really argue that aspect with my wife.
That doesn't change the fact that they're awful people
StarWarsGirl
Well-Known Member
Not Catholic here, but just speaking from personal experience, there are people outside of my family who I consider to be more like family than my own family. In fact, before I turned 18, if something had happened to my parents, my dad's sister would have taken custody, or if not her, next would have been a non-family member, who has been closer to us than anyone on our mom's side of the family. Even as an adult, save for one aunt, I'm not close to anyone on my mom's side of the family.
Also, just simply being at church and donating money doesn't mean a person is necessarily the best role model spiritually. If they don't practice what they preach, well then...
Also, just simply being at church and donating money doesn't mean a person is necessarily the best role model spiritually. If they don't practice what they preach, well then...
Uncle Lupe
Well-Known Member
Just put that in this years Christmas card and it should sort itself out.
SteveBrickNJ
Well-Known Member
ajrwdwgirl gave helpful and wise advice.
Following what she outlined would be a good course of action.
For the record, here's just a few reasons why I don't want either of them, or their kid as godparents to my kid. (My wife is now trying to sell me on their oldest daughter)
I had a seizure 4 years ago out of nowhere, I'm not epileptic, and I never had anything like that before. I dislocated my shoulder and had to have surgery. I was in the hospital for 5 days. None of them could be bothered to come see me while I was in the hospital and after.
My Grandmother died 4 months before our wedding. She was my best friend. I was devastated. They couldn't be bothered to come to the wake or the funeral. Those classless pieces of (not very magical word) used their kids as an excuse. They wanted to do that? fine. But don't tell me that they are so busy that they couldn't take 30 seconds to send a text message. OH! And FYI, my Grandmother's wake was on a Friday and her funeral was on a Saturday. And they don't work weekends!
In may of 2015, our dog passed away extremely unexpectedly. We were heartbroken, crushed, and devastated. Before our dog passed away, the sister in law had asked my wife to dog/house sit for them while they went on a vacation. We had said no because their dogs are the only dogs I've ever met that I hated. My wife even gave her sister in law the name of another dogsitter she knows. The dogsitter couldn't do all the days. After our dog passed away, The sister in law asked my wife if we could please just get the couple days that the other dog sitter couldn't cover.
My wife told her no because she didn't want to be around dogs right now. They were going away about a month after we lost our dog. Well, Sister in law of the year ran up 1 side and down the other on my wife about how my wife needed to grow up, and sometimes you have to step up for family. My wife was hysterical crying. It took all I had to keep me from going over there and calling her every name in the book (all of which would've been true)
An actual quote from her sister in law: "you lost your dog, and I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do about that, but because of you, I might lose $7,000"
I think you get the hint. Oh, and after my Grandmother's funeral, I agreed to be the bigger person for my wife and invited her dirt bag brother to my bachelor party. Not only did he not come, he couldn't be bothered to text me back that he wasn't coming.
Anyone think it's unreasonable that I don't want those 2 SOB's or their daughter as godparents to my kid?
I had a seizure 4 years ago out of nowhere, I'm not epileptic, and I never had anything like that before. I dislocated my shoulder and had to have surgery. I was in the hospital for 5 days. None of them could be bothered to come see me while I was in the hospital and after.
My Grandmother died 4 months before our wedding. She was my best friend. I was devastated. They couldn't be bothered to come to the wake or the funeral. Those classless pieces of (not very magical word) used their kids as an excuse. They wanted to do that? fine. But don't tell me that they are so busy that they couldn't take 30 seconds to send a text message. OH! And FYI, my Grandmother's wake was on a Friday and her funeral was on a Saturday. And they don't work weekends!
In may of 2015, our dog passed away extremely unexpectedly. We were heartbroken, crushed, and devastated. Before our dog passed away, the sister in law had asked my wife to dog/house sit for them while they went on a vacation. We had said no because their dogs are the only dogs I've ever met that I hated. My wife even gave her sister in law the name of another dogsitter she knows. The dogsitter couldn't do all the days. After our dog passed away, The sister in law asked my wife if we could please just get the couple days that the other dog sitter couldn't cover.
My wife told her no because she didn't want to be around dogs right now. They were going away about a month after we lost our dog. Well, Sister in law of the year ran up 1 side and down the other on my wife about how my wife needed to grow up, and sometimes you have to step up for family. My wife was hysterical crying. It took all I had to keep me from going over there and calling her every name in the book (all of which would've been true)
An actual quote from her sister in law: "you lost your dog, and I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do about that, but because of you, I might lose $7,000"
I think you get the hint. Oh, and after my Grandmother's funeral, I agreed to be the bigger person for my wife and invited her dirt bag brother to my bachelor party. Not only did he not come, he couldn't be bothered to text me back that he wasn't coming.
Anyone think it's unreasonable that I don't want those 2 SOB's or their daughter as godparents to my kid?
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StarWarsGirl
Well-Known Member
Wow. Okay. While it does seem like they can be insensitive and self centered, having their oldest daughter be the godparent sounds like a fairly reasonable compromise. No one would get offended, and it would probably be exciting for your niece. And you don't sound like you have a problem with her; just her parents.
Here's the thing, these people are OBSESSED with their kids. Now, I know every parent proudly says this, but I mean, OBSESSED. I'm talking all day, every day is dance or baseball for their kids
They literally go nowhere except WDW at least 3X a year. And he owns his own business and she works for her old man, they can each take as much vacation time as they want. And they have more money than God.
So I actually don't have a problem with the kids. As a matter of fact, I've told my wife on multiple occasions that I'd take a bullet for those kids, the parents? I might be the one holding the gun.
But if we asked the kid, it'd make the parents feel just as good, if not better, than if we asked one of them. And in my humble opinion, they don't deserve to feel good because of us whatsoever for any reason at all
ajrwdwgirl
Premium Member
What's wrong with going to WDW 3 times a year? (ducks, covers, runs and hides.....
)
)
What's wrong with going to WDW 3 times a year? (ducks, covers, runs and hides.....
LOL!
Debbie
Well-Known Member
When I was coming up, I was always under the impression that if anything happened to my parents, one of my godparents would finish raising me. That to be chosen for this role, you would have an extra special role/closeness to the child so that if anything happened there would already be a bond established. Nowadays around here; a godparent is in place to ensure the continued participation into the Catholic faith should the parents be unable to do it. Growing up, I was close to my godmother (Nanny); she took me on my first fabulous trip to Walt Disney World. I was never close to my godfather (Parran), he gave me the willies........