This is more so something I was planning on using for my upcoming dream resort project, but this could work here, too. I know we had considered a river raft version of Jungle Cruise, but this is just an intensified traditional Jungle Cruise with new scenes, amazing special effects, and much, much more. Thoughts? I'm going to vastly change it for my dream resort, but I think it's in good shape for our Australian park.
Jungle River Cruise
Our adventure begins in the heart of Adventureland, a romanticized representation of the world's jungles and exotic locales as seen through the pulp-glossed eyes of Hollywood in the 1930's and 40's. With its weather worn British Colonial architecture, skulls jabbed on bamboo torches, and wide array of Polynesian masks, Adventureland is a true testament of a fantasy world that never was; a land of man-eating beasts, shrunken heads, and lost civilizations. An old boathouse scrapes the sky, two stories in height, worn by rain, and draped with vines. A faded mural rests near the entrance, depicting a tramp steamboat embarking down a jungle river, closely watched by a hungry python, spear-wielding natives, and a fierce bull elephant. An equally faded message rests at the foot of the mural: "JUNGLE NAVIGATION CO. DISCOVER THE MIGHTY AMAZON! THE ENDLESS NILE! THE BOLD CONGO! THE IRRITABLE IRRAWADDY! TOURS DEPARTING DAILY! *The Jungle Navigation Co. is not responsible for any fluid thefts linked to mosquitoes, leeches, or vampire bats.*" Inches above the entrance rests the shield of an African warrior, backed by a set of spears (with skulls jabbed on the ends) and topped by a grinning mask of Polynesian origin. "JUNGLE RIVER CRUISE" appears painted in crude red lettering across the shield, further complimented by a fishing net full of skulls and a broken birdcage in an alcove above the attraction's title card. Intrigued, we enter.
Inside, we find ourselves in a jungle-nautical museum of sorts, its walls packed with bizarre artifacts from around the jungle, ranging from a rusted anchor to hideous fish specimens. In the center of the museum's switchbacks is the fossil of a bizarre river monster - the Mokèlé-mbèmbé, a dinosaur-like beast said to have once lived along the Congo River in Africa. More weird fossils are featured in the museum, including Gargantua, the World's Largest Gorilla (literally, the skeleton is so tall, it hits the ceiling, causing it to slouch), Molly, the Midget Mammoth (a tiny elephant fossil), and a nod to Up, the Beast of Paradise Falls, aka the skeleton of a large prehistoric bird. Big band music of the 30's & 40's crackles throughout the queue, constantly interrupted by various radio broadcasts from the company's home office in England. Meandering out of the museum, we pass by the crew's breakroom which features nothing more than a chessboard with animal pieces, a battered radio, and a chalkboard displaying this week's lunch menu: "Fricasse of Giant Stag Beetle (taste a bit like chicken), Barbecued Three-Toed Skink (has a chickeny flavor), Consomme of River Basin Slug (poultry like), Filet of Rock Python (chicken-esque)," and for Friday... "CHICKEN (REALLY!!)." As we head upstairs, we pass beneath a squawking hornbill, glaring down at us from its perch in the rafters. On the second floor, we find the manager's office which has long since been abandoned. A note tacked to the door reads, "Couldn't handle the stress of the job. Went fishing. Be back in a couple weeks. - Arthur Stockingtoe, Manager." Another note is tacked to the former, reading "Attention, Skippers! Mr. Stockingtoe has disappeared. He was last seen near Cannibal Country. If you know any further details, please contact the Home Office immediately. Thank you." Upstairs, we catch our first glimpse of the jungles ahead, a stunning, almost unreal rainforest lined with murky waters, traversed by tramp steamers, and abundant with the sounds of wildlife. Across from the boathouse rests a small shack with a thatched roof and tribal designs, slightly elevated above the water. A dim light glows from within its single window, perhaps hinting at something amiss. On the nearby shoreline rest several grave markers composed of wooden planks and bits of rusted steel.
As we head downstairs, we loop around onto a rickety, wooden boat landing on the edge of a murky jungle river. Every so often, a tramp steamer pulls in and out of the load area, each piloted by a khaki-clad skipper, a seasoned jungle traveler with one or two good jokes left in them. A khaki-clad sailor helps us into our boat as we prepare for an unforgettable journey down the exotic rivers of the world. In the distance, two big cats engage in an unseen confrontation of claws and snarls. As the last few guests board our boat, the boat's motor gives a mighty roar as we set off into the luscious vegetation. Our skipper tells us to turn around and take one last look at the dock...we may never see it again... Throughout the journey, a lushly orchestrated soundtrack plays beneath the skipper's narration, providing a further sense of mystery and wonder.
Our true adventure begins along the banks of the Amazon, a luscious wonderland of nature's own design. A luscious, almost Dr. Seuss-like canopy stretches overhead, blooming with flowers and kissed by a refreshing, cool mist. An eerie flute rings out, providing a sense of mystery and the unknown. Nearby, a pair of giant butterflies rest atop a log, gently flapping their wings. A pair of toucans also appear, examing our boat's every move from their nest. A curious family of capybaras have emerged from the underbrush to greet our boat, two along the shore and one emerging from beneath the surface. As the canopy parts, we come across Inspiration Falls, a gorgeous series of waterfalls that, according to our skipper, inspire you to go...deeper into the jungle. An otherworldly hiss breaks the peace of the falls, giving way to a sight of pure fantasy; man-eating plants. In the underbrush, we find a crashed biplane, its skeletal pilot slumped over the controls. A trio of monstrous venus flytraps extend their vines towards the unfortunate aviator, hungry. The largest of the flytraps turns to our boat, sees us as "fresh meat," and gives a hiss, sparking the other traps to look our way. In an instant, a quarter of hungry flytraps emerge from the opposite underbrush, spitting "acid" (warm water) at us in an unreal ambush. Luckily, our skipper narrowly escapes the attack, taking us into Crocodile Parts, marked by the appearance of a chatty macaw perched atop a tree branch just inches above the surface. A pair of hungry crocs have the macaw surrounded on both sides, the exotic bird continuously insulting the reptiles. "SQUAWK! Hey, Ugly! SQUAWK! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? SQUAWK! UGLY!" Up ahead is the shack of Jaguar Jake, a retired explorer-turned-fisherman who fishes from his front porch, smoking a pipe and reclining in his favorite rocking chair. His line sits cast in the water, continuously being tugged by an unknown source. Only his playful dog notices the bite, playfully wimpering and wagging its tail at whatever may be down there. Just a few feet from Jake is a rocky shoreline, littered with sleeping crocodiles. Old Smiley, the oldest crocodile in the river rests atop a large boulder, opening and closing his jaws for a handout. Without any warning, a mother croc and her young launch out from behind Smiley's roost, just barely missing the boat before disappearing beneath the surface.
Gunshots and explosions ring out as the Amazon bleeds into the Congo. Our skipper, wishing to make a stop at camp for supplies, is dismayed to discover much of his belongings have been thrown into the water. A huge explosion occurs, causing an unnatural geyser to erupt from the river. Up ahead, we find that the skipper's camp has been raided by a family of gorillas. Off the starboard bow is a jeep, still running but completely flipped, its tracks still fresh in the sand. A huge silverback examines himself in a mirror, trying on a pith helmet, having already put on a skirt and tie. A mother reclines in a hammock, swinging wildly back and forth, book in hand. Her baby hangs onto the hammock's ropes for dear life. A pair of juveniles have found the ammunition supply, one peering into the muzzle of a rifle, the other taking shots at the various explosives floating in the water. Another holds up the skipper's polka-dotted underwear giving excited grunts. Across the river, the skipper's pack mule and hunting dog angrily bray at the ape intruders. Down the river a bit, we come upon the Watering Hole where all the animals of the African Savannah gather for a drink in this oasis setting. Here we find an abundance of peaceful wildlife, including wildebeest, water buffalo, zebras, giraffes, antelope, and a lone cheetah, all gathered near the water's edge for relief from a referenced drought. The largest resident is an African bull elephant, just a few feet from our boat, who angrily cries out for her mate, upset by our intrusion. From out of nowhere, her mate, a much larger bull elephant emerges from the water, loudly roaring and sending our boat in the opposite direction...Big Game Territory.
A thick fog rolls in as our skipper describes to us the sheer danger of Big Game Territory. Instantly, we are greeted by the first of the big game - a swamp full of hippos. The massive water horses emerge from the mist, ready to charge the boat. Luckily, our skipper fires off warning shots to frigthen them, but alas to no avail - the shots have attracted the attention of a lioness pack on the prowl. The river narrows itself, a thick underbrush on all sides. We hear a lioness growl, accompanied by an eerie rustle in the bushes. As our boat moves along, the movement in the bushes increases. From the thicket leaps a snarling lioness, ready to pounce. Another lioness attacks, aggravated further when she barely misses us. As the river widens, we find that the lionesses have lured us into their grounds, having previously killed an unfortunate zebra. The fearsome male raises his head from behind the carcass, throws his head back and roars, a feasting lioness on either side. Nearby, a pair of juveniles play tug-o-war with a bone, while a male and female hiding behind a nearby thorn bush prod their heads up, zebra legs clamped in their jaws. Hungry vultures look on from the gnarly treetops. This scene acts as a reminder of the number one law of the jungle: "Don't be a zebra." Big Game Territory comes to an end as we come upon the infamous Lost Safari, where a clan of yelping hyenas humorously serve as spectators (joined by zebras and gazelle) to a massive rhinoceros who has run five travelers up the trunk of a dead tree. The angry rhino lunges forward with a raised horn, causing the safari to scream and rise upward. The second the rhino pulls back, the safari lowers their bottoms before repeating the process. The supposed drought becomes evident as the plantlife begins to fade away, slowly transitioning into a rocky, desert canyon of sorts. Mean-eyed wild dogs lurk along the rocky shore, hungrily gnawing on dry bones.
Tribal chanting and drums fill the air from beyond the canyon walls, whilst various wall paintings and primitive decor dot the shoreline. On the starboard side, a canoe full of human skulls floats in a small crevice, tribal masks and bamboo torches on the outcropping behind it. A masked witch doctor stands on the same outcropping, throwing various ingredients into a green fire. Shrunken heads hang from his outrageous costume...we've entered Cannibal Country, not a good placed to be...headed. Before us is a native village where the natives wildly dance about and chant, supposedly summoning the Rain Spirit to bring water to their land (despite the fact there's a perfectly good river right in front of them, our skipper remarks). Tribal musicians provide the drumming (and a horn) for the chanting, playing away in an alcove on the opposite side of the river. Not wishing to be noticed, our skipper quietly sneaks by. But alas, something goes terribly wrong; we've entered Ambush Canyon, where masked warriors violently attack. While a few simply menace us with spears, several shoot poison darts (hot air) at us, another attempting to drop a giant boulder on our boat! Luckily, their ambush proves unsuccessful and the rocky canyon gives way to an unlikely sight: the Egyptian Desert.
Huge sand dunes surround us from all sides, whilst ancient Egyptian ruins protrude from the sands. We're now on the Nile, the longest river in the world. The tops of the pyramids can be seen on the horizon while a statue of Anubis rests halfway submerged in the water. Mysterious Egyptian music fills the air. Lurking among the ruins are several cobras, viciously hissing and ready to attack. Hungry crocodiles emerge from deep below the surface, patientily waiting to attack. Our boat continues down the river, right towards the mouth of a flooded temple partially submerged in the river. Our skipper remarks that this temple was once the tomb of a great Pharaoh, but has now been turned into a shrine dedicated to the Rain Spirit, ruler of the Nile. Without an alternate route, our boat's headlights kick on and we enter the dark shrine.
Inside, we find that the mysterious music has gotten louder, providing a true sense of mystery. A wide array of gold and jewels overpopulate the dark shrine, paintings and hieroglyphics demonstrating the power of the Rain Spirit just barely visible in the dim lighting. A golden, King Tut-inspired sarcophagus rests to our right, halfway open but empty. The centerpiece of the temple is that of a large statue of the Rain Spirit, a being with the body of a woman and the head of a lioness dressed in ancient Egyptian garbs. Our skipper comments on the statue's origin, stating the belief in such spirits to be mere "hocus pocus." Of course, this angers the ACTUAL Rain Spirit. In an instant, the boat stalls and rain begins to fill the previously dry shrine (projection mapping). Thunder and lightning even strike in a stunning display of power. In seconds, the Rain Spirit's statue is overwhelmed with color, bringing her to life! She glares down at our foolish skipper. "Call me hocus pocus, shall you? Let's see what you make of hocus pocus!" With a strike of lightning, our boat continues, only to be stormed by the arrival of mummies, resurrected by the Rain Spirit. The hideous undead reach towards our boat, some even emerging from the water in a horrific sequence. Luckily, we escape, but aren't out of danger yet. The Rain Spirit gives a wicked cackle, signaling a cave-in on her shrine. The shadow of falling rocks can be seen on the walls while the walls themself begin to vibrate and quake. Long lost pillars and ruins emerge from beneath the surface; the ceiling begins to lower; fire erupts from the water's edge; and most horrific of all - a giant king cobra appears, hissing and launching at our boat. Luckily, the great snake misses, allowing us escape into the relative safety of India, but not before perilously sailing through a thick cloud of steam.
Egypt well behind us (so well behind us in fact, the temple we've exited appears to be a simple cave now), we drift into the steamy jungles of India where we come upon the Sacred Bathing Pool of the Indian Elephants, a delightful contrast to the horrors of the Rain Spirit. Here, playful elephants play in the water, squirting one another (one squirting a docile crocodile), showering in waterfalls, and munching on the nearby foliage. Giant spiders signal the entrance to a Cambodian Shrine, built by ancient Cambodian Shrine-ers. In these ruins (a grey contrast to the yellow Egyptian ruins), we find ourselves up close and personal with a fearsome Bengal tiger, so close to our boat, it seems as if she could jump in at any moment! Luckily for us, she's too distracted by her cubs who playfully teeter-toter back and forth on a large ruby embedded in a pedestal shaped like a monkey, lovingly referred to by our skipper as Bob, the Monkey King. On an overhead branch, a massive python probes its tongue at us, providing a strange amount of relief in contrast to the huge cobra seen earlier. Near the end of the ruins, a flappy-faced orangutan appears on a rocky outcropping, one arm holding onto the rock, the other onto a stick which he swipes at a hungry crocodile snapping at him. Why for? A nearby bunch of bananas are floating near the croc's maw.
As our journey comes to a close, we have one last person to meet before we leave - Trader Sam and his pet Ellie, a baby Indian elephant. Sam, a mask-wearing man of unknown origin (his whole body is covered in tribal garbs) offers us a special sale on his collection of shrunken heads - two of his heads for just one of ours. Countless goods ranging from painted skulls to fresh fruit surround Sam, while Ellie, taken with a cold sprays us with what I sure hope is water. Across the river, a female orangutan, baby on her back closely admire Sam's goods, particularly the large basket of bananas near the water's edge.
And with that, our skipper makes a few last remarks, swiftly bringing us back to the load area, unharmed, although a bit frazzled, for who would ever believe what adventure we experienced today on the world famous Jungle River Cruise?
1. Boathouse
- Nautical Museum
- Break Room
- Manager's Office
- River Launch
2. The Amazon
- Jungle Canopy
- Giant Butterflies, Toucans, & Capybaras
- Inspiration Falls
- Crashed Biplane & Man-Eating Plant Attack
- Crocodile Parts
3. The Congo
- Safari Camp
- Watering Hole
4. Big Game Territory
- Hippo Swamp
- Lioness Hunt
- Feasting Lions
- Lost Safari
5. Cannibal Country
- Headhunter Village
- Ambush Canyon
6. The Nile
- Egyptian Ruins
- Temple of the Rain Spirit
7. Asian Rainforest
- Sacred Bathing Pool of the Indian Elephants
- Cambodian Shrine & Tiger Family
- Orangutan vs Crocodile
8. Trader Sam's Outpost
Ride Length: 12 minutes, 30 seconds
Opening Day Attraction: Yes
Fast Pass: No
Holiday Overlay: Yes
Animatronic & Simple Mechanic Figure Count: 130
Thoughts?
