I see your script Travis and I top you with my own SEE script! One that will actually make the ride cool.
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Announcer: This could be a ride in any Disney Theme Park but it just so happens to be a ride through a big huge ball that not even Tokyo has. So stop complaining about how much better Tokyo Disney is than Walt Disney World, all right?
When you board, please move across your car and remain seated, keeping your hands, arms, feet, legs, tongues, false teeth, bras, plastic appendages, merchandise and relatives inside the vehicle at all times. Thank you.
If you'd like to hear the Spanish version of this spiel, go find yourself a Spanish person to translate it.
Narrator: Do not pull down on the safety bar please, I will lower it for you and heed - wait, why is there no safety bar? What did you punk kids do with it? God, I swear you brats cause more...well never mind that for now.
Here you see a camera to take your picture, it already has so if it turns out bad because I didn't tell you about it soon enough it's because I was looking for the stupid safety bar.
Like the wooden panel station wagon you took to get here, our planet has cruised though time with many obnoxious back seat drivers, always b****ing about what road to turn at and when to stop, it was a real pain to tell you the least. But where are we going? Seriously, I don't know the answer to that question, that's why I'm asking you. You expect me to know? I'm not the answer guy so as far as I know where going no where in particular.
Were merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily on our way...
Ah, we appear to be in caveman times. Here you see how primitive man struggled to survived and first communicate with one another. Here an early Marmaduke strip is begin drawn. It wasn't funny back then either.
In this display we see workers crushing DVD copies of Prince of Egypt because Dreamworks is awful an sinful as everyone here should rightfully know. But we also learn that early egyptions liked very much to draw stuff on walls to communicate and make paper to record and dilver these messages. Marmaduke is still not funny, however, and never will be as we all know.
Remeber how easy it was to learn your ABCs? Unless of course you were that stuipd kid who ate worms at recess and wore that stupid pointed white cone in class. God what a freakin' moron he was! Anyway, the Phoneicians made a language of thier own, but English is way cooler so forget those jerks.
Next we see the Greeks waste thier time as usual, dveloping thought and organizing it neatly. The roads were cool though and all of them led to Rome. Unless you got lost in which case no roads led to rome and you wound up in Paris instead. Good thing I'm driving this Time Machine.
Pirates: *singing* Yo ho, yo ho a priates life for me. We pillage, we plunder we rifle and loot, drink up me hearties yo ho, we burn up the city were really a fright...
Narrator: Burn up the city indeed! Elizabeth Taylor's gonna be p***ed about this!
Our knowledge began to shrink. Shrink I tellz ya!
Announcer: MAG-NI-FI-CA-TION!
Narrator: Can we possibly survive?
No matter, we'll just go into the Reniassance where knights in shinning armour told everyone to get crackin' on new ideas or it's off to the dungeon with ye!
Monks slept, Itlainas painted naked people, some guy invented the printing press which allows religion to be more easily adopted and therefore corrupted by the masses. Hey, I didn't say this time was perfect. But at least the printing press led to such great books as "Painting Frescos for Dummies" and "How to Get Rid of Your 8 Wives".
And now we enter the 19th century (because the last 4 were pretty dumb if you ask me), and technoogy starts to really screw up young folks thinking! Seriosly, telegraphs, newspapers, movin' pictures, ographic records! The works! At least it's easier to bet on sports games now. An yes, Marmaduke is still very much unfunny.
Then people got real smart and decided to dicth you nut cases and go into space! They unfortunately couldn't stay up there because they forgot all thier personal belongings, like hoola hoops, moon boots and various Mattel and Parker Brothers products you see here on this carpet.
But then a new language was made by chicks with afro hair and nerds in thier garages, and lets face it I'm getting bored with this learning crap. That picture I took of yor earlier was goign to be in some Flash video but I got something beter in store fo us! Helmsmen, take us down to 80 fathoms!
Helmsmen: Aye Aye, sir. 8-0 fathoms.
*bubbles appear everywhere*
Narrator: *singing* It's lovely bobbing along, bobbing along on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea. What a chance to get a better peek, at the plants and giant squids of the deep, and
Giant Squid! We gotta get out of here!
*sirens blare as we travel backwards*
I've lost control of this stupid thing! And you thought it was fun to not have a safety bar!
*sirens contune to blare as a here a train whistle approaching and coming ever faster*
I can't change direction, It's coming right at us! AHHHHHHHHHH!
*CRASH, the train hits our vehicle and all goes black*
Where are we?
*voices are heard in the distance*
Singing? Who could that be?
Chorus: *singing* Welcome mes amigos to firendly Mexico....
*puppets on a carousel with bruing red eyes surround our vehicle*
Narrator: AAAAAAHHHHH! I don't want to be in Mexico!
Saleswoman: Senior, you buy this hat here, or I cut you!
*our vehicle turns around*
Hey! you get back here before I cut you!
*music fades as we enter the unload area*
Narrator: Well thank god that's over! If I was you I'd grab your belongs and get out of here. No tellin' what trouble you might find youselves in here!
Announcer: Thank you for flying Easter Arlines, and remember, you do have wings!
Chorus: *singing* You do have wings, you can do all these things, you can widen your world, for you have wings. You do have wings, have wings, have wings. You do...
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