I am in the same boat as you. I am severly phobic when it comes to flying, down to having panic attacks on board. I've had this problem since I was 14. I have cancelled many vacations because of it.
I drive to Florida most of the time, from Pittsburgh, which takes about 15 hours. I realize I'm more at risk, but that has never seemed to effect me. Driving doesn't put me into a panic state.
When I do HAVE to fly, which I did in January & will do again in July, these are the only things that help me.
First and foremost, visit
www.fearofflying.com - the support there is endless and amazing. Captain Tom is wonderful, and so is his program. I've done it, and it does for sure help. I always need a refresher right before I fly. Even if you just read the forums there, it will help you.
Second, whenever you fly, ask to meet the pilot before you take off. This is the number one most helpful thing for me. Tell him or her your flying concerns, they will help ease your mind. Knowing who is behind the controls is really comforting. Then throughout the flight, the attendants should check on you & the pilot should give you updates if there will be bumps or whatnot. Knowing there's a fearful flyer onboard, this is typically what they do, but not always.
If you have any other questions, send me a message. I've been where you are many times, I know exactly how you feel. It's a constant battle, but you can get through it
Jamie