The Ridiculous Rumor Thread

This is inspired by this thread. Let's all think of ridiculous Disney rumors!

Guess what! Michael Eisner isn't getting fired after all! Roy Disney is coming back to Disney, Test Track is now being equipped with airbags, Rock 'n' Roller Coaster is suddenly becoming an outdoor roller coaster, Six Flags Magic Mountain is buying WDW and naming it "Six Flags Over The Only Place That Barely Has Any Roller Coasters In The Company", and EPCOT is scrapping Illuminations with a new show called "Watch Barney Die"!

Wonders of Life is going to be turned into the "Accidents Happen, a Magical Gathering of Disney patients" as the BRAND NEW Epcot hospital!

This is in response to the messy new brand new free fall (which involves jumping off a the ten-story high Mission:Ladder ) that will attract kids of all ages and create a fun mess for Disney custodial (now cheap robots and non-English speaking foreigners) to clean up "It's a great new quality experience," says an Epcot representative.

Also at the new BLUNDERS of Life is the Simmons Experience. Get close to Disney's latest, state-of-the-art, 2-D Richard Simmons cardboard cutout and prepare to exercise for hours.

Do not miss: The Universe of Gift Shops, a wonderful tribute to what was once Ellen's Energy Adventure, and SPACESHIP PINS: "It's really just a pin store in there!"

The new fastpass rides: Mexico's Boat Ride, and Les Chefs de France!

Press Release: New plans were unveiled for a 5th Disney park, named "Taking Money". Here, you must pay to use the restrooms, pay to ride each ride, and even pay for souvenier-carrying mileage!

The rides here include "Let's Kill Eisner", a ride where you pay for your bullets and gun to shoot at 3D holographic Michael Eisners. Disney could use AudioAnimatronics, but it'd have them waste more money than necessary.

Another good ride is "Innoventions Beta". This is just like Innoventions at EPCOT, only you must pay for the soda, pay to send e-mail (long distance charges!), and simply pay to enter.

However, the highlight ride here at Taking Money is the "Indy 500", where you pay for mileage as your drive around a track at 200 miles per hour with no restraints, in cheap cars that cost $5. You must pay for mileage and for health costs. You must pay $500 to get off the ride.

DATELINE DISNEY: Fastpass will be installed in the bathrooms located in Magic Kingdom by Christmas, 2004 as a test run. If sucessful, FP's will be installed in all park restrooms by the end of 2005.

DATELINE DISNEY: POTC will be closing down effective immediately. The space will be left vacant for the next 5 years and then reopen as a Pirates of The Caribbean Meet and Greet. You'll be able to have your picture taken with a real pirate for $29.95. The gift shop will be expanded.

DATELINE DISNEY: The Tomorrowland Speedway will be replacing its cars with Hybrid cars. As a result, ticket prices will raise by 50% to cover the cost of this technology.

DATELINE DISNEY: As part of the initiative to introduce new countries to World Showcase at Epcot, The American Adventure will be replaced by Afganastan. The new attraction will feature a new E Ticket ride where you get to chase down Osama Bin Laden.


:lol: :lol:

From the Walt Disney World Times:

Animal Kingdom's Dino-Rama and Epcot Combining
by John T. Fakehmagineer
October 19, 2004

After much thought and thinking-style activities, the imagineers at Walt Disney World have decided that in order to maintain the magic of Chester and Hester's Dino-Rama AND Epcot, we must meld them together to form a park called "Chester and Hester's Epcot".

In order to make this change, the imagineers are planning to take out the fish from "The Living Seas" and replacing them with cardboard cutouts. Instead of the wand atop Spaceship Earth, which has been complained about more than Donald Duck not wearing pants, will be replaced by a giant inflatable dinosaur. As for Illuminations? It will be staying, but in replace of the opening globe at the center of the World Showcase Lagoon, it will be a large dinosaur egg, from which a baby dinosaur will emerge, and then a "meteor" will strike the dinosaur and the dinosaur will turn into oil, which will spray on the guests.

We hope to have more information in the coming months on :Chester and Hester's Epcot", but until then, you have this, so stop complaining, jerk!

BREAKING NEWS: TOMORROWLAND TRANSIT AUTHORITY TO INSTALL TOLLS
by Michael Gimmemoney

In a bold move announced today by the Tomorrowland Transit Authority (TTA), toll plazas will be installed on metroliner railways maintained by the TTA. A preliminary site plan realeased today calls for the installation of two toll plazas. One plaza will be installed at the entrance to Space Mountain. The second toll plaza is planned for the exit out of Buzz Lightyear. Revenue generated from tolls collected will go towards the building of a rest stop inisde the Carousel of Progress Theater. The rest stop will feature an extra large gift shop featuring exclusive TTA merchandise, charcater meet and greets, and a new fast food restaurant. Toll rates have not yet been established, but will be discused during a public discussion forum to be held at a future date.

Disney execs have decided that their parks need more "hip and edgy" things for their parks to attract the teenage crowd and compete with Universal. A punk rock band called "The burning Pidgeons" will Make daily performances in front of Cinderella castle. This amazing show will have Mickey, Minnie, and many more of your favourite Disney characters will be dancing in cages with hula hoops around their wasts. Cinderella castle will be rethemed to "Hogwarts Castle" with the long rumored Harry Potter ride included. 20k is currently making way for the largest meet n' greet ever designed for a Disney theme park.

BURBANK, California (AP) - The Walt Disney Company has just announced that the Epcot® pavilion in which is being constructed the signature attraction from the company's fledgling California Adventure park - "Soarin'" - will recieve a tasteful and inspirational new theme overlay based on that great American institution of the travel agency and frenetic airport. "This is a momentous day in the history of the Walt Disney Parks worldwide," said Disney chief Michael Eisner. "For once, we're actually improving and advancing the purpose of a signature Epcot® pavilion." General Grizz, who has led an online campaign for the preservation of "The Land's" purpose, was not available for comment. The Associated Press was, however, able to contact his publicist, who issued the following remark: "Let my comment be that my client has no comment."

Pulitzer Prize-winning freelance journalist B. Sirnim contributed to this report.

###

SirNim said:

BURBANK, California (AP) - The Walt Disney Company has just announced that the Epcot® pavilion in which is being constructed the signature attraction from the company's fledgling California Adventure park - "Soarin'" - will recieve a tasteful and inspirational new theme overlay based on that great American institution of the travel agency and frenetic airport. "This is a momentous day in the history of the Walt Disney Parks worldwide," said Disney chief Michael Eisner. "For once, we're actually improving and advancing the purpose of a signature Epcot® pavilion." General Grizz, who has led an online campaign for the preservation of "The Land's" purpose, was not available for comment. The Associated Press was, however, able to contact his publicist, who issued the following remark: "Let my comment be that my client has no comment."

Pulitzer Prize-winning freelance journalist B. Sirnim contributed to this report.

###

Click to expand...

Ridiculous, but true, rumor. :lookaroun


These are great! Keep em up! :lol:

Oooh Oooh I have Some!

Rumor #1-I love it when I encounter a guest who thinks that Disney somehow has a giant globe over it, and that we can control the weather. I'm sorry we can NOT tell you when the rain is going to end, or if we can "Turn the rain off" that's what the weather channel is for.

Rumor #2 (And my PERSONAL favorite)-When guests ask our Disney friends, "Do those costumes have AC units inside of them??" please tell me where A. We would fit one B. How we would power it and C. How we would run it without it making so much noise. No i'm sorry to burst your bubble of happiness but our Disney friends do not have AC units inside of their bodies. Do you have an AC unit inside of your body?

psssst. A friend of a friend whispered in my ear that Grizz was actually human! Personally I don't believe it. :lookaroun:

ogryn said:

psssst. A friend of a friend whispered in my ear that Grizz was actually human! Personally I don't believe it. :lookaroun:

Click to expand...

I heard that he is human, too! But he's still ATTRACTED TO BEARS!

WDWKat26 said:

Rumor #2 (And my PERSONAL favorite)-When guests ask our Disney friends, "Do those costumes have AC units inside of them??" please tell me where A. We would fit one B. How we would power it and C. How we would run it without it making so much noise. No i'm sorry to burst your bubble of happiness but our Disney friends do not have AC units inside of their bodies. Do you have an AC unit inside of your body?

Click to expand...

That and plus where would the water go from the unit... :lookaroun :lookaroun :lol:

October 20, 2004:

Breaking News: Tower of Terror at Disneyland has been complained about because of the unthemed hall when you board the elevator. One of the smartest, most handsome, and overall best people in the world, Nemmy, had this to say: "It looks like a shopping mall." Because Nemmy is so smart and handsome and overall good, Michael Eisner has listened to that comment (for once), and has decided to make "The Extreme Escalator", themed after a shopping mall's escalator. You board the escalator, which goes up a hill at a slow pace. All of a sudden, you step off the escalator (OH MY GOD!), grab a customized shopping cart that has a bench with a shoulder harness, and it is wheeled into another escalator. This escalator launches you at 250 miles per hour, making it the fastest ride in the world. Still attached to the track, you go into 4 overbanked curves, 18 tunnels, 21 inversions (including the infamous triple cobra roll and quintuple corkscrew), and 3 jumps from one escalator track to another. Injured people may seek medical help at Disneyland's version of EPCOT's "Blunders of Life". Disneyland's Blunders of Life will be separated into 4 parts, each one replacing a different ride. California Screamin' will be replaced with the Bleeding Ward, Soarin' will be replaced with the Fracture, Strain, and Sprain Ward, Superstar Limo will be replaced with the Other Injuries Ward, and Thunder Mountain will be replaced with the Death Ward. Michael Eisner says, "We don't expect a lot of injuries. However, our imagineers say that there will be a rate of 20 deaths per day. However, the imagineers are still putting the project on because we are offering them cocaine."

This ride will fit in well with the new 5th Walt Disney World park called Taking Money, because the hospital charges a cent a second.

That's today's Disney Update.

Atta83 said:

That and plus where would the water go from the unit... :lookaroun :lookaroun :lol:

Click to expand...

Hehe "Mommy Mickey wet his pants!"

BREAKING NEWS!!!!

Disney is getting rid of all copies of "The Haunted Mansion" to allow a new version by new writer and actor Bryan O'Connor.

He was quoted in saying that "this one will be more about the ride than a broken marriage."

Breaking News: The new idea "The Extreme Escalator" was booed by so many Disney fans shortly after the concept was announced, Disney decided to replace it with "Out of Control Shopping Cart". This ride will start with a peaceful hill climb up to 650 feet. You will stop, admire the view, and then, a gentle push from a ride operator will send you soaring down a 665 foot drop that goes into an underground tunnel. You will head up a small kicker ramp that will launch you over a 1,000 foot gap with live alligators in it. You will, of course, make the gap, and land in a pit full of several billion dollars worth of foam. The impact will have you feel nothing at all. This is also expected to be a Spaceship Earth-type walk on line. The carts are constantly flowing (imagine a shopping cart every 3 seconds).

Loading is questionable. What Disney decided to do is, on a special escalator, have you sit in a special seat and pull down the restraint, a shoulder harness. On the escalator, it is almost a mile, so you don't have to worry about time restrictions. The escalator will have the seat be pushed up and into the shopping cart.

Landing is also questionable. Disney fixed this by dividing the foam pit into 32 lanes. A sensor will direct you into a lane while going down the drop. The foam pit has suction in it. After landing, you will be pulled down to the bottom, through a tunnel, and back onto a special escalator where the seats lift out of the shopping carts and go back on the escalator, where you get out.

"Out of Control Shopping Cart" is sure to be a huge hit.

11/25/04: Yup, you guessed it, Out of Control Shopping Cart was a hit! Now the favorite ride at Disney by many people! WDI have decided to compliment this with the flat ride "Trapped in a Fridge" which lasts until you die (a few minutes), the flat ride "Inside a Digital Camera", where you feel what it's like to be on a digital camera lens when it zooms in and out, a flat ride called "On A CD", where you spin as fast as a CD does, and of course the favorite, a roller coaster called "On A Mouse Cursor". Your car is a mouse cursor which goes out of control, like an Intamin Rocket Coaster.

Michael Eisner has been dabling in dark sorcery and has summoned a mighty spirit of darkness similar to the Dark Lord Sauron. Rumor has it that the mightiest beast to walk the earth, Dark Ghidorah is close to being awakened once more and now giant monsters around the world have awakened to defeat this threat and Mount Mihara, the resting placee of Godzilla for 20 years after his 1984 attack, is ready to erupt. The world is now heeding the advice of Disney fan's "When something goes wrong in the world, blame Disney Management"

Breaking News: Eisner has made another screwed up move. He has demolished Tokyo Disneyland, and used the funds to open up Disneyland Iraq. Attractions here include "Terrorize the Terrorists", "Bomb Sadaam", and "Throw Artifacts at Arafat". Dr. James Donald P. Schlippe Eisnerfan is quoted as saying, "No, these attractions won't offend our Iraqi friends in ANY way..."

In a side story, Dr. James Donald P. Schlippe Eisnerfan told reporters, "Eisner has also decided to build a Starbucks in Nemmy's living room."