Disney World Jokes

[Matt_Black]

This thread just needs a good rimjob sound effect.

I was about to ask how the heck this made it past the auto-censor, but then I looked at the date and assumed it wasn't there yet. That's the only explanation I have that sensibly explains how that can be okay, but I can't talk about Disney Legend and beloved actor Dick Van without a bunch of stars showing up.

 

[NonnaT]

My dear wife, the minister, has a day care in her church. I spoke to her earlier today, told her about this thread, so she asked the little ones if they knew any Disney jokes. Here is what the kids told her.

Why was Cinderella kicked off the softball team?

She kept running away from the ball.

What does Mickey Mouse Drive?

A Minnie Van.

Why is Cinderella such a bad softball player?

Because she has a pumpkin for a coach

How do you catch Chip n Dale?

Climb a tree and act like a nut.

What do you call a fairy that doesn’t take a bath?

Stinker Bell.

Those are FUNNY!

 

[RScottyL]

Probably an oldie.....

 

[DisneyManOne]

Why did Nemo get charged for sexual harassment?
He touched the butt.

Why can't you hit on Elsa?
You'll never be able to break the ice.

What do Wreck-It Ralph and Leonardo DiCaprio have in common?
They can never get an award.

Was Simba traumatized when Mufasa died?
Yes, he was Scarred for life!

What is Genie's favorite band?
Blue Man Group.

How do you put the Magic Carpet up for adoption?
Have a garage sale.

What will Rapunzel do if Flynn makes one snark too many?
She'll break his smolder.

What song do Carl and Russell sing when they cut off balloon strings?
"It's goin' down, I'm yellin' timber!..."

What did Captain Hook say when he lost his extremity to the Crocodile?
"Could somebody give me a hand?"

How would Merida feel if she got transformed?
She couldn't BEAR it!

Wanna know why there are shooting stars?
Someone's hitting Evangeline with a flyswatter!

What do you call a mirror being held over Mulan while she has surgery?
A reflection showing who she is inside.

What does Lilo's sister say when she wants some privacy?
"It's NANI your business!"

What would've happened if Frollo had thrown baby Quasimodo down that hole?
Things wouldn't have gone WELL.

Did you hear about the artist caught in a tornado?
He could paint with all the colors of the wind.

What happens when Cogsworth gets angry?
He gets ticked off.

What's it called when Lumiere makes an epic comeback.
Getting burned!

What do clowns do in the ocean?
Try to find Nemo.

What is Tarzan's favorite app?
Vine.

Do you think that the tiger from "The Jungle Book" could kill someone?
He Shere Khan (sure can)!

What happened when Joy and Sadness left Headquarters?
They went out of their mind.

 

[The90skid]

This thread... the posts, the jokes.... its all real...

 

[cjack300zx]

Donald Duck walks into a drug store and tells the clerk "I want to buy a condom".
Clerk says " OK Donald do you want to put that on your bill "?
Donald says " what kind of duck do you think I am"!

 

[The90skid]

One day, Bob Iger decided to visit Animal Kingdom. After touring his favorite area, Dinoland, he meandered his way over to Everest. At the end of the ride, he felt that something was off, so he decided to ride it a second time. This time, he knew that something was up with the Yeti, but he still couldn't put his finger on it, so he hopped on for a third ride. After viewing his ride photo, a look of realization came over his face. He whipped out his phone and dialed up top management for Animal Kingdom and yelled exictedly, "Two words, Joe: Build-a-Yeti workshop. Make it happen!"

 

[Matt_Black]

Donald Duck walks into a drug store and tells the clerk "I want to buy a condom".
Clerk says " OK Donald do you want to put that on your bill "?
Donald says " what kind of duck do you think I am"!

That's a bit saucy for a family board like this.

 

[DisneyManOne]

That's a bit saucy for a family board like this.

Could be worse.

*ahem*

Mickey Mouse is in divorce court, and the judge says "So, you wanna divorce her 'cause she's insane?"
And Mickey responds, "No, she's freakin' goofy!"

 

[DisneyManOne]

Reviving the thread. I recently found this on Twitter, from the accounts of Sarah Sterling (of Thingamavlogs) and Tony Goldmark (aka Some Jerk with a Camera).

How to Spot Hipster Disney Fans

• They never Disneybound.
• They hate the Disney wall trend.
• They maintain that Guardians: Mission BREAKOUT! sucks...even after they ride it.
• They think Main Street Electrical Parade should stay forever.
• They still call the place "Disney-MGM Studios".
• They make fun of APS...even though they themselves are APs.
• They're okay with racism and sexism in rides because history.
• Their favorite Disney movie: Song of the South.
• They loathe Star Wars and Marvel.
• They'll tell you about the time they rode the Lilly Belle train car.
• They constantly talk about how Tangled is better than Frozen and constantly whine about how much Frozen is represented in the parks.
• They complain about corporate sponsorship of rides and restaurants.
• They don't remember hating DCA 1.0 now that's it's gone.
• They despise the fact that they're outliving their own childhoods.
• They hate new things because "it's not what Walt would have wanted."

 

[_caleb]

How come there aren't any rides here?

This one isn't all that unreasonable...