Dilemma!!!

[lunchbox1175]

Ok....so the wife and I have been going thru a separation and I'm not sure reconciliation is a possibility, but here is my dilemma....we have a trip planned! We totally forgot about it, we booked it with a bounce back a while back and already paid for everything. We are 50 days out, and I am not sure if I want to go, she ended up taking her dad on our Aulani trip a couple months ago. But I really could use a vacation.....tell me WDWMagic.....what would you do!

 

[sshindel]

Ok....so the wife and I have been going thru a separation and I'm not sure reconciliation is a possibility, but here is my dilemma....we have a trip planned! We totally forgot about it, we booked it with a bounce back a while back and already paid for everything. We are 50 days out, and I am not sure if I want to go, she ended up taking her dad on our Aulani trip a couple months ago. But I really could use a vacation.....tell me WDWMagic.....what would you do!

It's a very personal decision there, so remember, any opinions you get here will have to be taken with a grain of salt (including mine) and used as different options based around your feelings and situations.
To me, it would depend if I was trying hard to make the marriage work, or if it was truly a step before divorce. You mention that you do not think that reconciliation is possible, so that makes it a tough call. If you think that the vacation together could help make that decision easier, either to keep trying, or to close the door, then maybe it would be good to go together and give it a shot. If you think it will just turn into a living hell, spoiling a place that both of you love, maybe it would be better to seek a refund.
A question though, you said she took her dad for the Aulani trip, would you consider taking this trip yourself, or with a friend instead of her?

 

[Tom]

Ummm. Find a girlfriend to go with you? Cancel? Go alone?

 

[Nemo14]

Again - just my opinion for what it's worth.

Your trip is all paid for, you need a vacation. I'd ask her first of course, but I'd still go.

I sincerely hope you can reconcile, and a vacation together would be a great step in that direction. Good luck.

 

[lunchbox1175]

A question though, you said she took her dad for the Aulani trip, would you consider taking this trip yourself, or with a friend instead of her?

To answer your question, ....we decided to split like 2 weeks before the Aulani trip, and I just didn't want to go at that point, so it was my suggestion that she go and take her dad since it was all paid for, and she had always wanted to go to Hawaii. As for taking a friend, I asked around and no one is available, most of my friends are going on a ski trip together that week. I'm not sure if I could go alone.....it was our place together, so I really can't imagine going without her. It has honestly been a very smooth separation....no fighting, no arguing, we still speak on a regular basis thru email and text because frankly she is my best friend, but that doesn't always equal great marriage.

 

[lunchbox1175]

Ummm. Find a girlfriend to go with you? Cancel? Go alone?

lol.....not officially divorced yet, so don't really want to find a girlfriend, unless there are some single ladies that are going to be there that would like to meet up . Going alone would be....well very lonely. And I really would hate to cancel.....cause I could really use the vacation....plus its Disney.

 

[MaryJaneP]

This is obviously very painful and you have our best wishes however it turns out. From a solely and ruthlessly financial perspective, who paid for the trip/who made the arrangements? If you were actually divorcing, would the trip (financially) be considered an asset that would need to be assigned or split? You may need a vacation, but is it wise to have to spend it with someone whom you are currently separated from? Our two cents is go without wife after having a frank discussion with her prior to taking the trip. Alone or with someone else seems to be a secondary consideration and either would appear to be better than with wife, but only you know. Good luck.

 

[Nemo14]

To answer your question, ....we decided to split like 2 weeks before the Aulani trip, and I just didn't want to go at that point, so it was my suggestion that she go and take her dad since it was all paid for, and she had always wanted to go to Hawaii. As for taking a friend, I asked around and no one is available, most of my friends are going on a ski trip together that week. I'm not sure if I could go alone.....it was our place together, so I really can't imagine going without her. It has honestly been a very smooth separation....no fighting, no arguing, we still speak on a regular basis thru email and text because frankly she is my best friend, but that doesn't always equal great marriage.

If she's your best friend, then go with her. Maybe time away from stresses at home will help your relationship. I've been married to my best friend for 31 years, and we've had some bumpy roads, but I can't imagine being without him.

 

[draybook]

I'd go if everything is paid for.

 

[CAPTAIN HOOK]

so it was my suggestion that she go and take her dad since it was all paid for

It's your turn to go away - she owes you one

I'm not sure if I could go alone.....

She could take her dad again

it was our place together, so I really can't imagine going without her

She could take her dad again,
neither of you go and sell the holiday on EBAY, or,
go together (what's the worst that can happen ??)

 

[The Magical Genie 123]

I have never been in your position, but if it were me, I would go. I just couldn't pass up an opportunity like this to go to Disney World, and it would be pretty cool to go alone. I can always use a vacation, too. Just my opinion though... I wish you the best during this difficult time as well.

 

[R W B]

Since you said it yourself that you think it's pretty much over, I say you take the trip, someone's gotta be able to go. Friend or family member, even of its someone from her side that you are friends with (I'm real good friends with my fiancé's brother in law).

If that doesn't work, I have a couple (just 2) of brand new crisp Benjamin Franklins with your name on them in exchange for the trip???

 

[rob0519]

If you can't picture being there without her at this point, don't go and wind up being all depressed. Why don't you give the trip to a niece, nephew, cousin or other family member that has never been to WDW and write the cost of the trip off as part of the cost of the divorce. Then book yourself a trip when you feel you're in a better frame of mind.

 

[bjlc57]

Fight for your BEST FRIEND.. all marriages go through rocky times.. TAKE YOUR BEST FRIEND, and try to save your marriage.. why? because you can't replace your best friend.. and in the short run, well, maybe splitting is the way to go.. but is it in the long run.. the GRASS IS NOT GREENER on the other side of the fence.. trust me it isn't .. and I know too many people who's regret is that they thought that they were leaving for PRIME RIB, only to find out in the long run it was Baloney ...and that the stuff that they had at home, while its the same old same old.. becomes BETTER WITH AGE.. I know 35 years of marriage has proven that to me..

 

[Disvillain63]

@bjlc57 is right. I have been married to my best friend for 31 years, and all the days...weeks weren't magical. I actually packed and left, twice. The kids are grown and raising families of their own and we are still together. It was those tough times that brought us closer together. The ones that we are closer to everyday are the ones that are easy to take for granted and to cause pain...we know how to push their buttons...when we are miserable, it is easier to take it out on our love ones.

Either way, if she is your best friend maybe you could enjoy your last trip together.

 

[wannabeBelle]

If you can't picture being there without her at this point, don't go and wind up being all depressed. Why don't you give the trip to a niece, nephew, cousin or other family member that has never been to WDW and write the cost of the trip off as part of the cost of the divorce. Then book yourself a trip when you feel you're in a better frame of mind.

Or is moving the trip a possibility??? Push it ahead to later in the year when you and a friend can go. I have been through a divorce which was ultra civil, but it was still not a happy thing. I cant think of anything better to cheer you up than a Disney trip!! I wouldn't have gone with my ex especially that close to the split, the feelings are still kinda raw. Either way this is your happy place and I cant see not going at all. Best wishes on everything!! Marie

 

[rt06]

Cancel. Go to another country with fresh, new scenery.

 

[JIMINYCR]

Sorry to hear about your marriage heading for a divorce. You're going through a tough time and life is going to be changing for you. The good thing is you can be civil with one another through the process.
I'd go after talking it over with her first to see how comfortable she would be with it. If the marriage cant be fixed but you can still be on friendly terms it could be a relaxing time away. I think you would have to be careful to not use the time to discuss details about the separation/divorce or it could quickly turn the time sour. Go with her if she agrees to go, enjoy the parks together but also give yourself and her time and space alone as well. It could further show her and you that after the divorce you can still be civil to each other and maintain a relationship but on a different level. Good luck with it all.

 

[TXDisney]

I'd ask since you you let her so the Aulani trip with someone that you guys paid for, if you can do this Disney trip by yourself and invite a friends or family member. If she says no she's going, then I'd go too and do your own things. Just get 2 beds and not argue with each other,

 

[Baldy]

I'm so sorry that you are have to go through this. The end of a relationship is never easy even if you're one the best of terms.
I guess it depends on whether you really can be just friends right now. If you think you can handle it, get a room with two beds and travel as friends or change your reservation to two rooms at a cheaper resort. It might be awkward, but it might give you a chance to talk things through or finalize things without all the pressures of daily life. Plan to spend time apart (how much will depend on your comfort level around each other). Go to places that you have never been to together. Chat with some cast members. Build new memories on your own at Disney.

All the best.