Trip Report The Trip That Nearly Wasn't!

Prelude to a Dis

Picture it: November, 2013. Thor: The Dark World ruled the box office. We lamented how we'll never be royals. And a certain someone typing this trip report became debt-free for the first time. A freelance job paid very handsomely; enough to get out of debt, rejuvenate my savings account, AND plan a little trip to the happiest place on Earth.

The boyfriend (BF) had never been. This needed to be corrected. I had taken him to Disneyland the year before, nervous that he'd find the whole thing hokey, but when we both burst into tears when it snowed on Main Street after Believe...In Holiday Magic, I knew I had a believer. We had also been talking a lot with our Disney Friend (DF), who knows just about everything there is to know about the parks. He was thinking about going during a break from work at the beginning of January. Once that check was cashed, we pulled the trigger! A three-man jaunt to WDW January 6-11!

Wow. We were really going. I had only been twice in my life, once for a week in '91 with my family, and once for five days in '98 for my senior spring break trip. Both times offsite, both times incredible. But this was the real deal, Holyfield. DF suggested we stay at Port Orleans Riverside, and, because I hadn't quite yet fallen all the way down the Disney rabbit hole, I had never heard of it but deferred to his expertise. I've heard one or two or twelve billion complaints on these boards about MDE, but boy, oh boy did we have fun planning FP+ and dining! Things had really changed in 15 years (OMGmysenioryearwas15yearsagowhatamIdoingwithmylife), and I was insanely excited to be in the driver's seat of planning the trip.

Flash forward to January 5th, the night before the trip. DF spent the night at our place, because we live crazy-close to the airport. I went to bed early, giddy as a 1st grader. In just a few hours, we'd get up at the BC of dawn, hop in a car, and presto! A magical flying machine would take us to Neverland and everything would be great. Easy peasy, right? Wrongzo.

"Our flight has been canceled. The next available flight is Wednesday night."

Despite clear, mild weather, that was the rude awakening the BF laid on me at about 1 in the morning. 1 in the morning on MONDAY. Uh, pretty sure a Wednesday night flight would involve missing three days of unspeakable glee. Unacceptable, obvs. Have any of you ever been on the phone with JetBlue for two and a half hours in the middle of the night, terrified that your hopes and dreams of vacation bliss will be dashed? It's awesome. Highly recommended. Our first attempt was to rebook our original flight, from LGA to MCO. Nope. Wednesday night was the first available. Uh...should we rent a car and drive to Philly and fly from there? No flights. Boston? No flights. Washington? Nada. As I was on the phone with him, I kept reloading JetBlue.com. Flights kept popping up that the dude on the phone was missing!

"Hey! There's now a flight late tonight out of LaGuardia to Orlando. Do you see it?"

He found it and rebooked my BF on it. If DF and I had to go Wednesday, at least BF would be there for most of the planned trip. DF suddenly had a brainstorm: what about flights to other cities in Florida? Duh. Why hadn't we thought of that? I pulled up a map of Florida, product of the public school system that I am. Ooh! Tampa's close! Are there any flights to Tampa?

Whoa! There's a flight out of JFK to Tampa only an our after our original flight! With the car rental, we'd be missing 2-3 hours of the magic, tops! I told the dude (who never found us a flight; I literally would tell him what flights were available online and he'd book us on them) to book us.

"Passenger BF...is booked."

Hurray!

"Passenger DF...is booked."

Yessir! We're on our way!

"I was not able to rebook you. The seat is no longer available."

AM I IN A MOVIE?!? My boyfriend and friend are leaving for a week of delight, and I'm forced to meet them on Wednesday?!? Have I gone insane?

"Is there anything else I can do for you, sir?"
"I am not hanging up with you until I'm also on this flight to Tampa. And that's all there is to it."

I reloaded the page over and over again, like a doctor on a TV show yelling "CLEAR!", trying futilely to revive a long-dead patient. Hope was fading. Fast. Then, suddenly:

"A SEAT JUST OPENED UP. BOOK IT NOW, DUDE. BOOK IT NOW."
"Stand by...stand by...you are booked, sir."

We cheered with as much energy as three exhausted, stressed out dudes at 3:30 in the morning could. We got a couple hours of sleep, then popped back up, ready to pop over to JFK for smooth sailing to Tamp-town. Wrongzo againzo.

It was pouring freezing rain with a force that would make Noah go "Uh...yikes." The driver could barely see on the way to the airport. Bumper-to-bumper traffic. We were running out of time. At JFK, we stepped into the most chaotic state I've ever seen an airport in. People screaming, pushing, no discernible lines...it was like five minutes from grass skirts, body paint, and human sacrifice. Thank Walt that DF insisted we get Even More Speed when we rebooked; if we hadn't, we would've missed the flight.

Smooth flight. Nice landing. Picked up the rental and headed to Orlando; that is, after trusty navigators BF and DF spent the first few minutes of the drive figuring out how to play their iPods in the car. Um, y'know what, guys? I'd rather have the slightest clue where I'm going than be hearing the perfect Depeche Mode song right now. Cool? Cool. We stopped for a bite at Arby's because we don't have any Arby's in NYC and I love Arby's and I'm a gross monster, and as we stuffed our grateful faces with beeves and cheddars, we found out that JetBlue canceled all remaining flights out of NYC for the next two days. If we hadn't acted as fast as we did when our flight was canceled, we wouldn't have gotten to Florida.

DF turned on the Disney jams as we neared that familiar stretch of road. It was in our sights. It was really happening. Walt Disney World.

Next: Day One, Day Won

 

[CAPTAIN HOOK]

Great report

 

[UnhealthilyObsessed]

Day Three: It's Seriously Not A Zoo, You Guys

Think we got up at 7am. Again, pretty monstrous.

The idea was to get to AK as early as possible to take in a nice early morning safari. Our bus driver was DA BOMB. His name was Steve, but if we didn't enjoy our trip, his name was Bob (or maybe the other way around?). He had the whole bus cracking up the whole way to AK, with trivia, anecdotes, and straight-up hilarious jokes. Every bus driver we had on our trip was lovely, but only this dude made the trek to the park an attraction in and of itself. Has anyone had Steve/Bob? He is great and I hope we get him again in November.

Oh em gee! Oh em gee! I was about to enter a new Disney park for the first time! The excitement was almost too much to bear. AK's gorgeous Christmas tree was still up, and I was not complaining, because it was a knockout. This park was all but deserted this early in the morning, and it was amazing to take it all in so unfettered. I was actually surprised to not see any animals on the way to Kilimanjaro Safaris, but was pretty awestruck by the richness of the theming all around us. They did an amazing job of giving these 15 year-old buildings a worn and weathered look without making it look messy or shoddy.

By the way, the weather was still fairly unspeakable garbage. C-c-c-cold, and spitting out a directionless mystery moisture.

No need to use FP+ for the safari, as there were only 30 or so people in line. I had read that the attraction can be a mixed bag, and understandably so. We can't get our cat to come when we call her, so I definitely didn't expect these animals to simply elect to be out in full view of a bunch of stinky furless humans. Well, guess what?

I WAS WRONG. WE SAW ALL OF THE ANIMALS.

It was like, ooh! Zebras! That's cool. Whoa! Giraffes too! Man, I'm already impress-rhinos?!? Holy crap! A bunch of rhinos! Well, if we don't end up seeing anything el-LIONS?!? ELEPHANTS?!? HIPPOS?!? They're all here! It's a circle of life! I was so filled with joy, I almost rubbed goo on the forehead of the toddler in the car behind us and offered him to the sun. I'm new to these boards, but I've seen plenty of grumbling about how if they wanted to see animals, they'd go to a zoo by their house. I've been to zoos. I've been to great zoos. Zoos are sad, dude. The AK? It's seriously not a zoo, you guys.

Kali River Rapids was out, as hypothermia is so last year, y'know? So we did the next best thing: drank chai tea lattes and watched gibbons. Hooboy, do I love a gibbon. Those sweet little critters swung, climbed, and occasionally pooped their way into our hearts. Once we were done rinsing the poop off our hearts, however, it was time to tackle the highest peak of them all: Everest. Or rather, that mountain that's right next to Everest? Man, that backstory is a little more confusing than it needs to be, right?

Um...Expedition Everest was fantastic. From the hundreds of details we noticed in the queue, to the hundreds more we probably missed, to the fantastic hills, the unexpected broken track, the amazing view of the World from the top, the backwards part, the awesome drop, and the best post-ride gift shop I've ever seen (sorry, Star Tours!), EE hit every right note. All of those wonderful attributes paled in comparison, however, to the unforgettable reaction my BF had to Disco Yeti. I've heard him scream like a woman before, sure. But when DY heaved his mighty roar, the love of my life let out a note higher than I've ever heard out of him. Somewhere in Quebec at that moment, Celine Dion's ears perked up: "Quoi was that?!?"

BF picked up a very fetching Everest t-shirt that he had sent to our room (they have thought of EVERYTHING!), and then after a much-deserved EE encore, we hit The Maharaja Jungle Trek. Another A+ attraction. The fruit bats were not out. This was sad news, because we didn't get to see those incredible, majestic creatures, but also good news, because we didn't get to see those creepy, disgusting creatures. We couldn't be disappointed for too long, though, because then we got a faceful of bengal tiger! Three of 'em! One of them prowled seductively, one of them perched regally, and one of them was taking a giant poop. A theme was emerging, and not a typical Disney one.

I'm not a huge Hidden Mickey person, but we found like six of 'em on the signage along the trek. All of that stuff was art directed within an inch of its life and looked absolutely spectacular. Try finding that in a zoo, sugarchild.

After mynas, tigers, and sooty-headed bulbuls (oh my), it was starting to warm up at last and the park was filling up. Looks like we'd have to use some of our FP's after all! Our next stop was Dinosaur, making a mental note to hit Flame Tree BBQ on the way back because it looked finger-lickin' good. Dinosaur started with promise, with a great queue and an appearance from America's mother, Phylicia Rashad:

"Let me tell you something, Elvin. My daughter is a strong, independent triceratops. And she doesn't need some chauvinistic pterodactyl telling her where to forage. Now if you'll excuse me, my youngest, Rudy, is molting."

As for the ride itself...meh. Hard to believe that something with the same ride system as Indiana Jones in DL could be so thoroughly inferior. Some of the scares were okay, but for the most part, it left a lot to be desired. Ask BF what he thinks of it. His eyes were literally closed for the entire ride, due to being dinosauraudioanimatronicsupinhisfacephobic.

Flame Tree BBQ easily cured our case of the blahs. Got the chicken and ribs combo, because I'm an American man with blood in my veins. Super-tasty and quick, and these birds didn't invade our personal space AND had cool beaks! Great job, you birds. Go show the riffraff at Epcot how it's done.

The less said about Primeval Whirl, the better. Three large men squeezed into one preposterously small ride car. A guy watching the ride took one look at us and shook his head ruefully. He wasn't wrong.

Next up was Discovery Island, where we gazed admiringly at the Tree of Life before seeing It's Tough to Be a Bug! I've read plenty about its current refurb being much-needed, but we loved it! It was funny and stinky and gross in equal amounts, and we had a ball. Those bug-based movie posters in the lobby are exactly the kind of delicious Disney details I love, and they can be found in spades in AK.

Then this fun exchange happened:
Me: "Whoa, I think that's a kangaroo!"
BF: "No. Probably a deer or something."
Me: "Nah, pretty sure that's a kangaroo."
DF: "Kangaroos are only in Australia!"
Me: "Yeah! In nature, weirdo! That's a G-D roo!"
BF and DF: "Oh. Yeah. That is a kangaroo."

In yo face, suckas. After foregoing a second safari, we hit the Pagani Forest Exploration Trail, where we saw nothing remotely amazing.

J/K you guys! It was unbelievable. Here is my friend Swimmy:

And here is my friend Eaty. "Ooh, gurl! Is this romaine?" Disney must have one of the highest lettuce budgets in the world.

Hey. Have you been reading this part of the trip report and noticed that something's not quite right? Something's...amiss? Something like the fact that I have yet report any instances of me crying? I was getting pretty concerned about it myself. And then I saw Finding Nemo - The Musical. I more than made up for the morning's conspicuous lack of tears. Delighted, dry-eyed children instantly flocked out of the theatre when it was over, while several adult stragglers like me remained in the dark until our bleary, mangled tear holes returned to resembling something remotely human.

With the day's mandatory bawl-fest out of the way, it was time to eat some food! DF highly recommended Boma, so off to Animal Kingdom Lodge we went. BF and I were pretty excited for some food that wasn't quintessentially Disney, and were pretty much only thinking about said food when we stepped into the lobby of AKL.

YOW TO THE ZA.

I'm not sure who said "Omigod, we have to stay here", BF or me, but the other instantly agreed. The AKL lobby was staggeringly beautiful. From sheer scope and spectacle to the reverent and respectful nods to African culture, this walk to Boma knocked our socks off. And we left our socks right there so we had an excuse to return there in November and retrieve 'em. To say the wait is killing me is only slightly exaggerating. We were one of Boma's first dinner service guests of the night, were immediately seated, and got right to work filling our place with delicious soups, sauces, breads, and other goodies. The carving station was fine and everything, but the gold was deeper into the buffet. Sadly, I committed an unforgivable sin; I filled up on dinner and could not eat a bite of dessert. Another reason to go back!

DF headed to Epcot to meet a friend, so BF and I hopped a bus to MK and did New Fantasyland at night. Yet another controversial message board subject, we were thoroughly charmed. The amazing forced perspective of Beast's castle made us very excited about a meal at Be Our Guest (for the next trip; we didn't have ADRs and surely weren't going to brave the QS lunch line because we don't hate ourselves), the Gaston's Tavern area was filled to the brim with incredible detail, and the Little Mermaid dark ride queue was really, really special. We ran through like little kids, stopping to gush over all of the fun little nooks and crannies, before riding the delight, yes, I said delight, that is the Little Mermaid dark ride. I can't believe how blah people are about this one! Every song is great, every room is fun, Ursula is, like, everything...yeah, the last full third of the movie is squeezed into 4 seconds of the ending, but even that's fun to sort of make fun of, right? I love it every time.

Despite the show building being a shantytown compared to DL's Taj Mahal, It's A Small World is still a sweet little standby. This is one of the things I've come to realize I love about visiting Disney as an adult: I'm not "too cool" for anything. Don't get me wrong; I LOVED my trips to WDW when I was 11 and 18, but there's no way I would've been caught dead riding one of the cutesy rides or getting a picture with a costumed character. I was too busy being worried as coming off nerdy, or immature, or - heaven forbid! - gay, so I held back. Being grown up enough to give yourself over fully to the WDW experience, where everyone gets to be a kid and anything is possible, is such a liberating feeling. Yeah, I like It's A Small World. What are ya gonna do, pants me? I don't recommend it. I'm a large man and anger easily. Here's my first attempt to photograph a IASW doll that looks like my mom!

After a pleasant ride on the ol' Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, we strolled back towards the New Fantasyland expansion. Our take is that it's a really special place. And rather romantic at night. We happened upon an attraction that we knew nothing about: Enchanted Tales With Belle. We had, like, one minute until closing, but a few folks were still entering the little cottage. BF asked a CM: "Is it a ride?" The CM responded "No, it's a show." And, to my shame, I was like, "Nah. Let's not do it." But BF was like, "But what if it's great?" THE TIDES HAD SHIFTED. BF WAS INSISTING ON SEEING A SHOW. AT DISNEY WORLD. A Berkshire pig soared across the sky as Lucifer packed a dense snowball. Baffled but very pleased with this development, I headed into Maurice's cottage.

Words cannot describe how magical Enchanted Tales was to us. We were absolutely swept away in it. If you have no prior knowledge about the attraction whatsoever, it is one delicious surprise after another. The doorway through Maurice's, the Madame Wardrobe and Lumiere AAs, the fact that little kids' entire childhoods are shaped by this ecstatic moment...it was all too much. Yep. More water works. But I had to fight through it, because I had a job to do. That's right; in case you were worried that I didn't play Chip in the show, you can rest easy because I totally did. Belle gave me a bookmark, Belle gave me a bookmark! Nyah, nyah!

We met up with DF back at POR, where we split a late-night pizza at Riverside Mill. Exhausted but happy, we had another big day ahead of us tomorrow. My all-time favorite attraction (and BF's least favorite) was still ahead, at Disney Hollywood Studios.

Next: Day Four: The Cell Phone Tower...of Terror!

 

[gsrjedi]

Great trip report. I'm feeling like McDonald's because ba-da-ba-ba-ba I'm lovin' it!

 

[AmberFaith90]

I can't keep reading your trip reports in the wee hours of the morning. I'm going to wake my daughter up from laughing so hard. You have a gift, sir. I can't wait to read more!

 

[mrdrift]

Great report with some really good pictures. Keep up the humor, making the family laugh. Following along.

 

[Doc Disney]

"They were not nearly as charismatic or entertaining in person. They barely spoke! And when they did, it was about geopolitics and string theory. Yawn."
bahaha I literally can not stop laughing at this awesome report

 

[Gabe1]

You sure know how to tell a story well!

 

[Ella's Mommy]

Okay so you live in NY. YOU HAVE TO BE A WRITER!! I LOVE your report!! I have been reading parts of it to various family members and we are all in tears!! You are too funny sir Can't wait for more

 

[UnhealthilyObsessed]

Day Four: The Cell Phone Tower...of Terror!

We got up at an only slightly unreasonable hour today. Is the pixie dust wearing off?

BF was a little too tired for a true up-and-at-'em, so DF and I hopped on the bus for DHS and he'd meet us there later. Not too shabby an idea anyway, because we both wanted to do an attraction that BF swears he'll never ride again: Tower of Terror.

On his first trip to DL in November 2011, BF rode ToT with much trepidation. After many literal ups and downs, he walked off the ride and had two things to say: 1) It was amazing, and 2) He'll never ride it ever again. He has slightly high blood pressure, and though he acknowledged that he thought the ride was cool, he thinks his cardiovascular health is even cooler. Party pooper. I mean, if Mission: SPACE didn't kill him...

Our first stop was the Aerosmith Rock 'n' Roller Coaster. It opened a year after my last trip to WDW, which one might think is bad timing. But my last trip to WDW was also three weeks before AK opened. Now THAT'S bad timing. I love a roller coaster, and I especially love a roller coaster with a twist. My best friend and I didn't know the secret of California Screamin' until we heard a bunch of hisses and pops as our car faced the first hill.

"Hey! Why aren't we going?"
"What's that noise?"
"Why are all those people watching us and pointing and laughing?"
"I've got a bad feeling about thiiiiiiiAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

So I was prepared and excited for RnRC. On top of boasting Ken Marino and Illeana Douglas' finest cinematic work, I can safely say it was the most pleasant experience I've ever had with LA's freeways. Our FP for ToT wasn't for another hour, so we grabbed a coffee at Starring Rolls Cafe (cute!) and headed to Star Tours.

I know there's, like, 54 different combinations of scenarios in Star Tours, but let's not get it twisted; there's six main scenes. If you think showing the Naboo scene first and the Tattooine scene second is a different scenario than Tattooine 1st and Naboo 2nd, then I've got a movie for you to watch called gninihS ehT and it's about Jack Nicholson slowly becoming sane. Fourteen bucks, please!

All that said, I love Star Tours, and two rides later, even saw a scene I've never seen before! The only one that I've never seen is the Boba Fett scene. Does it even exist?

Between Star Tours rides 1 and 2, guess who decided to show up? BF! Bright eyed, bushy tailed, and ready to watch little kids learn how to be Jedis. Man, oh man, do I wish that show existed when I was a kid. When Darth appears, I'd literally lose my entire mind. As usual, it was a combination of adorable, hilarious, and life-affirming. Tearing Up Occurrence #392.

BF grabbed a bite while DF and I used our ToT FPs. I've been on DL's ToT four times since '05, and as much as I love it, ain't nothing like the real thing, baby. WDW's ToT was just like I left it: perfect. Welllll...except for one teeny tiny detail. DF made the fatal error of putting his cell phone in his breast pocket, not his pants pocket. So on drop #1, he heard a cling-cl-clang-clang-clang! And instantly he knew his phone had flown out of his pocket. Meanwhile, over in MeLand, ignorance was bliss. I was screaming and laughing my way through the randomized ride system until the bitter end. When the ride was over, DF leaned over and said, "My phone flew out of my pocket." Eek. After everyone left, we searched the entire car. Nada. CM's searched the entire car. Nada. DF was like, "Well, it has to be somewhere, right? It's an enclosed space." A CM begged to differ: "Oh, no, sir. There's vents on either side. Your phone likely fell through the drop shaft, in which case we won't be able to search for it until the park closes." Perfect. DF had no phone, something I couldn't even fathom despite this being the first WDW trip where I actually owned a cell phone. Man, now he couldn't even tell time! Or check his email! And had to talk to people! And engage with the world around him! Grim stuff.

DF was actually astonishingly even-keeled and upbeat about the whole thing. I'm glad it wasn't me; I'd have turned the Tower of Terror into the Tower of Unspeakable Horror in a minute flat. With our caballero level back up to a proper three, we made our way to the 50's Prime Time Cafe for a lunch ADR.

Fun place! Other than Blue Bayou in 2011, this was my first foray into table service meals at Disney. When my folks took me, I was too cool for the character breakfast, and the rest of the time we did counter service fare or just coldcuts and fruit from Mom's purse being shoved in our mouths. A mother practically force-feeding trail mix to her daughter at AK the day before reminded me of those halcyon days. Anyway, our Steve Buscemi-esque waiter was hilarious, the comfort food was great, and the theming was so, so fun. Plus any place that has View Masters is my kinda place.

This was the one meal, however, where I felt obligated to stuff my face with way too much food to make the DDP worth it. Pretty sure I didn't need the sampler PLUS a strawberry sundae the size of my head. Glad we already did ToT and RnRC.

I am getting so good at Dis abbrevs, you guys.

It was sprinkling when we got back outside, so it felt like a good time to hit some indoor jams. MuppetVision 3D (which I could watch every day of my life and still love), Toy Story Midway Mania (which I had never done before and totally loved), One Man's Dream (loved the exhibit but skipped the movie, which I later learned was a recommended touring plan; I love being accidentally efficient), and The Great Movie Ride. I guess The Mediocre At Best Movie Ride, though much more accurate, doesn't have quite the same ring to it.

By now, it was just straight-up pouring. That, combined with the fact that it was 3-ish and we'd pretty much done all there is to do at DHS, made us ready to make moves. DF suggested Epcot, since it was close and there's a lot to do there indoors. Sounded like a plan.

We started for the bus stops when DF noticed a boat filling up. We sprinted towards it. Only in Disney World can you be like, "A bus? Nah, I'd rather get there by boat." And get there we did. And now I'm spoiled. Here in NY, I insist on taking boats everywhere now. I'm very late to absolutely everything.

We docked at the International Gateway and headed straight for Rose & Crown. Nothing like a beer and a bathroom to lift one's spirits. Especially when said beer is Disneyfied:

We waited out the rain at a high-top table in the pub before exploring the rest of the England Pavilion. DF and I met Alice and took photos with her. Meeting characters is weirder when you can see their faces, right? Probably because you can see the initial reaction of "Oh. These grown, childless, bearded men would like a picture with me, a young woman dressed up as a cartoon" written all over their faces. That's fair. I'd think we were weird too.

We stuck around World Showcase for a while, watching both the France and Canada movies. I love 'em, but BF was not a fan. He complained they just seemed like commercials for their respective countries. I personally thought it was an awfully weird time to get on a high horse about commercialism, considering we were at DISNEY WORLD. BROUGHT TO YOU BY COKE. AND CHEVY. AND THE NUMBER $. Besides, if we're gonna see a commercial for something, I'd rather it be for a cultural destination than Pirate Fairy on Blu-Ray.

By the time we emerged from Canada with pockets full of twoonies and mouths full of poutine, screaming "Aboot, eh, aboot, eh, washrooms, hockey, eh!", it had cleared up and we strolled over to Future World. To the Imagination Pavilion.

How depressing!

They should call it the Irony Pavilion. Because calling that sad display Imagination when imagination reigns supreme literally everywhere else in the park can only be a cruel joke. They may have brought Figment back, but they must not have had any room left in their carry-on for fun or charm or whimsy. The post-show area wasn't too much better. At least we didn't subject ourselves to Captain Eo. It was great when I was 11, but man, that print has not aged well.

We farted around Innoventions for a while (truly an Epcot downward spiral...can they turn that joint into something cool?) before electing to hop on a Monorail (our first time this trip! BF's first time ever!) for MK to check out the Main Street Electrical Parade. BF's dogs were barking pretty loudly by this point, and considered just going back to POR, but he stuck it out. Before we boarded, though, BF stopped for a much-needed refueling. He bought one of these:

HAVE YOU HAD ONE OF THESE?!?

I wouldn't have given it a second look, but BF got it for us to split with our coffees, and...damn. This is one hell of a donut. Light, flaky, delicious, gigantic...highly recommended. But split it with someone. Eating the whole thing will give you a shame headache and a food baby.

The parade was nostalgic and sweet! BF grabbed a Starbucks and sat at a table. He and our good friend Standing For Countless Hours were not getting along at the moment. The family who stood in front of us had their dumb blinking Disney ear balloons in our faces at first, but apparently they could feel the white hot heat of a million suns that we burned into the back of their necks with our hatred-vision, because they quickly caught on and yanked them down. DF was in fine Disney nerd form, lip-synching the intro and humming along with every note. The number of people who know park music backwards and forwards, from big songs to incidental park loops, is staggering to me. Of course, I can look at any image of Superman and tell you who drew it, so I guess we all have our stuff.

The post-parade push took us to Tomorrowland. We made a beeline for Space Mountain. Man, that's a fun ride. Then we did another WDW first for me, and when you hear what it is, you're gonna kill me: the TTA. I'd never done it before! It was always one of those attractions I was too cool for on previous trips. And now it's one of my absolute favorites. I didn't know it went right into show buildings!!! How cool is that?!? The beauty of Tomorrowland at night, combined with the sweet and idyllic nature of the ride...well, I'm sure you know what happened next, and it rhymes with "totally cried a little".

Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor: we are fans! We loved the technology used for Turtle Talk With Crush so much that it was great to see it utilized elsewhere in the park. We were a little nervous we'd show up on camera with some embarrassing caption, and sure enough, DF showed up on the big screen with the caption "Looks Like He Needs A Hug". So I threw my arms around him, to the delight of the audience. BF dodged a bullet. And I'm pretty glad, because he hates stuff like that. They also kept cutting to a French dad in the back who was totally sleeping. I laughed hysterically every time, but I don't think the French family appreciated that they were making fun of their dad. They eventually left before the show ended, after Sleeping Beauxtie was roused from his slumber.

We moved right on to Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin. I must say, if you've already done Toy Story Midway Mania and then do this for the first time, it's a bit of a letdown. Or maybe it's because the ride stalled for extended periods at least three times while we were on it. In any case, it felt a bit like two cups and a string compared to TSMM's iPhone 5S. I walked off the ride and seconds later realized I didn't have my raincoat. Flurmph.

DF and BF were getting peckish, so I sent them off to get food while I waited for CM's to see if my raincoat was still in the ride car. It's one of those kinds that ball up into a pouch, so I told them to be on the lookout for a...puffy green rectangle. No dice. Well, crap. Did I leave it on the TTA? In the Laugh Floor theater? I could've sworn I brought it on the ride with me. All I could do was consult lost and found. I'd probably hop on the phone with them in the morning, when DF had to call and check on his phantom phone.

I met up with BF and DF at Gaston's Tavern, where both of them were gnawing grumpily on pork shanks. DF lost his phone and was starting not to feel good. BF's feet hurt, and now the nice raincoat he bought for me had possibly gone the way of Horizons and Superstar Television. He was none to pleased with me and my carelessness. We definitely had ourselves a case of the Day Fours. Because this trip was about taking it all in, we didn't schedule a day away from the parks. It was dawning on us that we could've used one. For November's trip, we are making up for it with two days out of the parks. Well, one and a half, since I bought us tickets to MVMCP for one of our off-days. Shhh! Don't tell BF! It's a surprise!

We left before park closing, where we learned how advantageous leaving late is, bus-wise. Think we got on the third one. Yeesh. It was past pool closing when we got back, but DF told us that nobody would bother us if we used the pool without causing a ruckus. We rubbed each other's aching feet in the hot tub and decompressed for a little while. It was actually a lovely ending to a day filled with ups and downs. Flying phones, falling rain, and disappearing jackets, sure, but also tons of new ride experiences, tears of joy, and View Masters. Tomorrow we'd sleep in. Tomorrow we'd take our time. Tomorrow would be a magical day at the Kingdom.

Next: Day Five: Pure Perfection

 

[MMDVC]

Hope your tomorrow is more relaxing... but Pure Perfection.... sounds great. I don't mind waiting but hurry

 

[DisSplash]

"Eating the whole thing will give you a shame headache and a food baby." Hilarious!!

 

[LongTimeLurker]

On your next trip, you have to see the movie at "One Man's Dream." Talk about a tear-jerker. It's the only attraction that has caused me to shed a tear. It really drives home the point of why we're all actually there. You will love it.

 

[Raven66]

This is one of the most fun trip reports I have read in awhile (no one take offense, there are some really funny people on here). I can't wait to read the rest.

 

[Ella's Mommy]

TTA is my FAV!!!

 

[SharonD]

Loving your report. I have to remember to breathe as I am reading along - your pacing is so rapid, and you are hysterical.

 

[LisaBelle]

Loving your report! I keep laughing out loud and then my family wants to hear, too. We all think your commentary is hilarious ! Thanks for posting. I am already looking forward to reading your TR for your next trip . You are planning to write one aren't you?

 

[UnhealthilyObsessed]

Well, I spent all morning writing Day Five, the draft auto-saving the whole time, and then just as I was writing my last paragraph, it all vanished. Can't figure out how to retrieve it.

As soon as I'm done throwing an absolute fit, maybe I'll try again.

 

[acrab3t]

Love this TR! I am so sorry you lost day 5. How frustrating!

 

[UnhealthilyObsessed]

Day Five: Pure Perfection

Well, not quite pure perfection. I already wrote this entire trip report this morning and lost the whole thing. So if you detect any grumpiness, it's the me of this moment and not the me that had an unforgettably magical day at Magic Kindgom on January 10th, 2014. Here we go:

A regular human night's sleep! Oh, sweet mystery of WDW enjoyment, at last I've found you! The sun was out, the air was warm, and we were finally getting some of that sensational Florida weather we'd been promised. I stepped out for a stroll down to Riverside Mill to refill our mugs with morning coffee.

When I returned, DF was on the phone with Guest Relations about his phone that had entered...The Twilight Zone. I signaled that I wanted to speak to them when he was done. He handed me the phone, and I knew I'd have to air my dirty little secret in front of both of my travel companions.

See, I'm not sure what it was: the great weather, the excitement for another day in the parks, or the much-needed caffeination, but on the walk back to the room, I had a sudden flash and knew exactly where my raincoat was. I hadn't left it on Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin. Nor on the TTA. Not even close.

"Hello? Yes, I lost a green raincoat pouch yesterday. I left it at..."

This was it. The moment of truth:

"...the post-show at Journey into Imagination."

That's right! I was designing some mythical bird there, or some other colossal waste of time, and had put down my jacket. AND COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT IT FOR HOURS AND HOURS. We went to Innoventions, took the Monorail, watched the MSEP, and did half the attractions in Tomorrowland before I noticed it was missing. I'm basically the worst. BF gave me an "Oh yeah?" face. But luckily, the person on the other end of the phone gave me a less withering "Oh yeah!" answer. My jacket was at Lost & Found! At some point today, I'd have to take a detour to TTC to retrieve it.

BF was in no hurry to get to the parks, so again, DF and I hopped on a bus without him towards MK. We arrived around 11am, and it was already a beautiful day in the Kingdom:

We started out with the first of many WDW firsts of the day: my first time on the Walt Disney World Railroad. Insane, right? Maybe, but again, when I was 11 and 18, it was way cooler to go on the roller coasters than the choo choo, Unsurprisingly, I loved the WDWRR. I was surprised to see show elements, too; I thought it was just gonna get us from A to B. And what a charming show it is, too; it's so nice to see some details that still feel old-school Disney. It wasn't endlessly thrilling or utilizing cutting-edge tech, but some things don't have to be. Sometimes all you need are a couple of deer and a few Indians. And before you get all "How dare you?!? They're Native Americans!" on me, listen: BF is Native American. Do you know what he, and his family, and his whole tribe calls themselves? Indian. So relax. Go yell at the NFL, not me.

We got off at the Fantasyland station, where I was instantly enamored of a Lambert, the Sheepish Lion poster ("I thought nobody knew that cartoon but me!"), flummoxed by the the Casey Jr. Splash 'n' Soak Station ("As if taking you to WDW wasn't stressful enough, Junior, now I'm going to completely drench you from head to toe, a state you'll remain in for hours!"), and got in line for Dumbo the Flying Elephant. I had never ridden it. Relax.

The interactive queue was really cool! But if they could double the ride, why not double the queue? One side can be for kids, as it is now, and one side can be for adults trying to get a little relaxation on their hectic vacation. Theme the hell out of it! Peanut-based cocktails, trunk exfoliation, tusk piercing...show Jumbo a little love, too.

As for the ride, it was short and sweet! I didn't know you could control the height of your individual flyer, so that was a nice surprise. I spent most of my time as high as possible, taking candid shots of DF:

When we got off the ride, I got a text from BF: "On my way." DF and I quickly decided it was time to do an attraction that we weren't sure BF would be able to stand: Carousel of Progress. Dude, I love that thing. The last time I saw it, the last scene seemed plausible and cool, not awkward and from 15 years in the past. Nonetheless, it's yet another Disney classic that you can't possibly hope to fully appreciate until you grow up a little.

We scanned Tomorrowland for BF as we exited the show building, finding him in the sweetest of places: in line for Buzz Lightyear's meet-and-greet. After a so-cute-it-hurt photo op, we decided to adopt the dorkiest touring plan of all: ALL THE NERDY MK SHOWS! To Hall of Presidents we went!

The next show was in 20 minutes, so we killed time at the Christmas shop across the path. If there's one thing I love more than Disney, it's Christmas. So Disney AND Christmas gives me some sort of giddy, unspeakable joygasm. BF found a Cinderella ornament he liked. Note to self. DF found a hitchhiking ghosts ornament he liked. Note to self. I noticed a vintage-looking Mickey Mouse on skis ornament. Note to me! HoP was about to start, so we ventured back out into the sad land where Christmas was still 350-some days away.

Hall of Presidents starring Morgan Freeman and Barack Obama is so great. Watching filled me with excitement, emotion, and a true sense of flag-waving patriotism. It also made me insanely nervous. See, I knew the list of presidents was coming up, with the virtual applause-o-meter from the audience functioning as a sort of popularity contest a la the In Memoriam montage of any awards show. And I also knew that we were sitting with a wide cross-section of tourists, not all of whom were liberal homosexuals like us. I was terrified they were gonna boo Obama.

The sequence began. Pimp Daddy Washington, of course, was met with exuberant plaudits. Some other presidents, not so much. Poor Millard Fillmore. He might as well have been the sound engineer wedged between Robin Williams and Lauren Bacall at next year's Oscars. FDR got a surprisingly paltry ovation; um...the New Deal, much? Get it together, you guys. When Ronald Reagan got enthusiastic whoops and hollers, I thought for sure our geese were cooked. "Hey, everybody! Did you notice that we didn't boo Reagan, even though he was kind of a monster? Please show our dude Barack the same respect. Kthxbye!" Then, when Bill Clinton got just as much applause, I was confused, but hopeful. Ultimately, President Obama got a decent amount of applause and no boos, and it meant a lot that everyone was respectful even if they weren't a fan of the Commander-in-Chief. I guess Disney's probably the best place there is to put away that kind of nonsense.

Surprise! When the lights came up, BF and I both rubbed the tears out of our star-spangled eyes like the jingoistic Yankee Doodle Dandys we were. All that America-lovin' made us hungry, so our next stop was Pinocchio's Village Haus. Man, has counter service at WDW come a long way or what? BF and I each got a big salad and split a BBQ chicken flatbread, all of which were delicious.

Mickey's Philhar was MAGIC! Okay, small quibble: they should've called it Donald's PhilharMagic. I love Mickey, and though his image is literally everywhere, we don't get to see enough of Mickey being Mickey the character. So when the ball was immediately passed to Donald, I was a little bummed out. But again, minor complaint, because WOW. I loved this. Especially going into it completely cold; I definitely had no idea I'd be seeing 3D renderings of some of my favorite Disney films. So cool! So sweet! So...is someone chopping onions? For the 381st time this trip?

We took a quick break from attractions to slow down a bit, browse around Main Street, and re-caffeinate at Starbucks. Regarding the controversy surrounding whether or not Starbucks should be in the parks, I come down firmly on the side of my sweet green java-slinging mermaid lady friend. Where I come from, hipster coffee joints are expensive, snotty, and insufferably pretentious. Cheap deli coffee, on the other hand, is nasty brown swamp water. Starbucks is the perfect middle ground. Besides, complaining about Starbucks at Disney is like complaining that Coldplay is too mainstream and you're Bono.

Mickey's PhilharMagic really did a number on both BF and DF, because they both bought Donald watches before we headed to Tomorrowland for a Space Mountain FP. Love Space Mountain. Love it even more now that I know that the TTA can see us climbing the big hill.

In another astonishing move from BF, he expressed that he would like to ride the Carousel of Progress, please. DF was only too happy to watch it again, but I had had my fill. So while they had a great big beautiful tomorrow, I rode the TTA:

Then I hopped in line for the Buzz Lightyear photo op. The queue was pretty long, but at least it didn't go to infinity and beyond. I watched a little bit of an Incredibles dance party (?) until BF and DF emerged from CoP. Apparently it had glitched, and they had to sit through the last scene twice. I wish that sad fate upon no one.

We headed back to Fantasyland to charge phones, Tangle our bathrooms, and of course, go on IASW again. Here is another attempt to photograph the doll that looks like my mother:

Finally, the time had come for our Peter Pan's Flight FP. The fact that this attraction had consistently the longest line of any in the parks, including the mountains and TSMM, made me a little crazy. Why do you guys all love it so much?!? Don't you see that it is ME who loves it? And therefore should get to ride it without waiting? And sure enough, the second we started to the right and straight on till morning, I said to myself, "Oh yeah. This is why." PPF is another ride I distinctly remember riding with my father back in '91. When we turned the corner of Wendy's bedroom and all of London stretched out before us, all he could say was "Wow." And there really may not be a more quintessentially Disney moment in any of the parks than when you become one of the Darlings, soaring over Big Ben, marveling at the traffic below, and believing, if only for a moment, that this and everything is possible.

As always, the flight ended way too soon, and off we went to Frontierland. After all, we had a date with 18 or so audio-animatronic bears. I love Country Bear Jamboree! I am fine with the current length of it! It is surprisingly raunchy for a Disney attraction! I enjoy exclaiming things! BF wanted to immediately see it again so he could time his photos better, and DF absolutely lives for that kind of thing, so this seemed like the perfect opportunity to break off from the pack and get my raincoat back. After making a pit-stop at the Christmas store to pick up those ornaments the boys had their eyes on.

I'm almost glad I was a big dummy and left my raincoat at Epcot. If allowed me to have a little Monorail me-time. I took the express loop, passing the guh-guh-guh-guh-gorgeous Grand Floridian, the pretty li'l Polynesian (I never had any great desire to stay there until I saw how stunning it was up close), and Shades of Green (which I didn't even know existed until I saw it) before pulling up to the trusty TTC. Instant raincoat! I'm not even sure I finished my whole sentence before the friendly CM disappeared in the back and immediately gave me my jacket back.

Back to the Monorail! Um...not for nothing, but do we really always have to go the long way up and down the ramps to get on these bad boys? How hard would it be to just let us cut across? Just by being at WDW, we're already doing ALL THE CARDIO, so give us a break. My grumpy thoughts, however, were temporary as OH MY GOD WE'RE GOING THROUGH THE LOBBY OF THE CONTEMPORARY AND I KNOW I'VE DONE IT A BUNCH BEFORE BUT MAN EVERY TIME IT'S LIKE THE FIRST TIME well, that was nice, and then OOH LOOK BAY LAKE TOWER IS PRETTY I WANT TO STAY THERE TOO ALL I NEED IS A JILLION DOLLARS and, ah! Here comes MK now.

Amazingly, BF and DF were just getting out of their CBJ double-feature when I arrived. It was time for our last FP of the day: Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. Perfect, because nighttime is the best time to ride. This is another example of rides I appreciate more now that I'm older. Back in the day, I was like, "What the hell is this kiddie coaster?" not realizing there's so much more to a great ride than a steep drop or a corkscrew. Plus, there's always been one part of BTMRR that I've loved: Tumbleweed. When I was a kid, I loved car playsets with tiny versions of real street signs, and buildings packed with small details. So Tumbleweed is my JAM. I see new stuff every time.

After BTMRR, I got a text from DF's friend (DFF) and his girlfriend (DFFGF), since DF's phone was still swirling around a floating eyeball in the fourth dimension. They're AP holders that live nearby in Florida, who were nice enough to come down to meet us! As Disney-obsessed as DF (if not more so), they were instantly kind, funny, and likable. And, like us, hungry!

Columbia Harbor House had just closed, so we headed back to Frontierland to give Pecos Bill's a try. Um...I'm not sure toppings bar what it was about Pecos Bill's that set it apart toppings bar from all the other counter service options at WDW toppings bar, but something toppings bar I couldn't quite place my toppings bar finger on toppings bar made it my new favorite. Toppings bar.

After dinner, we Haunted Mansioned before heading back to New Fantasyland to catch Wishes from behind the castle and stroll at a leisurely pace. DFFGF was such a sweetheart, but she jumped and screamed at EVERY SINGLE FIREWORK. Like she didn't expect a new one to happen. I covertly giggled at her endearing Dory-ness.

Oh, and here's a terrible picture of the fireworks. Sorry it's so lame and ugly:

We got in on some Under the Sea action, before the moment I'd been waiting all day for arrived: DF was going to experience Enchanted Tales with Belle for the first time. All eyes were on him as we queued up, entered Maurice's, went through the enchanted doorway, met Madame Wardrobe, and...BOOM! DF got cast as Phillipe! DF dutifully galloped his way into Belle's and our hearts as I tried in vain to disguise the fact that I was tearing up from DFF and DFFGF, people I had just met. They probably shared some covert giggles about their new schmaltzy friend, but hey: at least I know when fireworks are happening.

We had about six minutes before park closing. Did we have time to get to Pirates of the Carribean for one last ride? By hook or by crook, we'd make it or get scurvy trying. And make it we did! What a great last attraction on a great day in MK; it's up there with Haunted Mansion (and now the TTA!) as one of my very favorites.

We took our time getting to the front of the park, browsing through the shops on Main Street, admiring the amazing movie dioramas in the windows, enjoying a waffle cone, and getting some great photos as we slowly made our way to Town Square and looked toward Cinderella's Castle to see my first-ever Kiss Goodnight. What an amazing ending to an amazing day, with idyllic weather, found jackets, amazing new attractions, dependable old ones, good food, new friends, and an unforgettable trip.

I mean, tears, obvs.

Back at POR, BF and I took another late-night dip in the hot tub. I braved the main pool as well, swimming the whole perimeter under the cover of night. Tomorrow, we'd go to Epcot before taking the Magical Express to the stupid airport to go back to stupid New York. But we'd always have today. It was pure perfection.

Next: Day Six: See You Real Soon

 

[FlaggNL]

Love the report! Thanks for the share!